My Loubie

My oldest daughter, Ashleigh, is getting ready to begin a new journey.  For the last few years, Ashleigh has worked very hard getting into fantastic shape and eating healthy.  She has encouraged others around her to do the same.  It is contagious. 

In a few months, Ashleigh will head back to school.  Although Ashleigh attended college for several years, she just never quite got the passion.  She wasn't quite sure what she really wanted to do and now she knows.  Ashleigh is going back to school to become a personal trainer.  I am so excited for her!!  (and for me since she helps me every day with my new routine:-) 

I was just talking with her today about her plans and how everything is going to work out and I know it will be a sacrifice, but I also know she has found her niche!!  I am so proud of this girl.  Not because she is going back to school, but for the young woman she has become. 

A Change in Plans

It seemed like my children were all in cahoots with each other.  While everyone was growing up, it seemed that if I had a special day planned, I could say to myself "someone is going to come home sick today". 

We only have one car here, so if I want to go somewhere I drive Alan into work.  I don't drive him in often.  Yesterday I drove him in with plans to get my hair cut.  The weather was beautiful and I was going to go do some shopping and maybe eat out. 

I got a phone call around 10 am from Davin's teacher saying that Davin had cried and was running a slight temp.  He had a rough night the night before, so I made the decision to go and get him.  I believe this is one of the hardest things about having a child who is non-verbal.  Deciding if they are not feeling well is difficult to do in the mornings.  I wake Davin up from a sound sleep (especially since daylight savings) and have one hour to determine how he is feeling.  During that hour, our schedule is planned down to the minute.  He gets dressed at a certain time, fed at a certain time and gets his coat on at a certain time.  Not much time for evaluating his health, especially if it is a minor kind of thing. 

God is so good in it all, of course, as always!  I do not usually have the car and would have had to call Alan and have him come and get Davin with me.  I am not usually dressed that early.  I work out in the morning and do my housework before getting ready for the day.  Since I was heading out, I had gotten ready (even my hair:-) much earlier than normal.  I was basically ready to walk out the door to go get my boy. 

I so wish I had a picture of him when I went to pick him up.  I walked into the nurse's office and he is laying on one of the beds with the lights low and there is a sweet aide holding his hand.  He did not get excited as he usually does when he sees me, but his eyes just said, "oh, she came to get me".  I loved that little look. 

Davin was able to come home, sleep it off and is feeling good as new today!  He even has the day off of school today and the weather looks beautiful!! 

I was kind of thankful that I had this to write about today so I didn't have to write about the small fit I threw yesterday.  (Yes, again.)  I won't go into detail, but wheat was involved;-)

Possibly an Overlooked Love Language

I have never read the book about the different love languages, but I am pretty sure they did not include my husband's.  It's ironing.  Yup.  You read it right.  My husband's love language is ironing.  When I iron his clothes for him, it just somehow screams to him "I love you Alan".  It just touches him.  Not sure why, but I have known it for a long time now. 

It might not seem so strange to you, except that I am a TERRIBLE ironer.  I am not exaggerating or just being humble.  Most of the items that I iron, look very similar to how they looked before I ironed them.  With my kids it is a big joke how badly I iron.  But, to Alan it means that I love him.  So, I iron for him (I have not always, but presently have the ironing program up and running:-).  And, he wears what I ironed.  Wrinkled and creased in wrong places.  Alan is a great ironer.  When he is away on business, he irons his own clothes and he is fine doing that.  However, when he is home, it just means a lot to him that I iron them.  I guess as long as he is happy to wear his wrinkled/ironed clothes, I will be happy to iron them for him:-)

Your Worth is Not on Paper

For nearly Davin's entire life, he has been EVALUATED.  He has been evaluated by physical therapists, occupational therapists, ed. teachers, speech therapists and psychologists (my favorite....NOT!).  When he first started receiving services when he was 6 months old, he would be evaluated in several of these areas every six months.  I would get the results of the evaluations in the mail and just be crushed.  On paper, it looked like he had made no progress and it ALWAYS talked about how different he was from "typical peers".  It took me a couple of years to start putting those nice little papers in a drawer.  I would not even read them.  This has been my habit (for the most part) for the last 15 or 16 years. 

When we moved a psychologist came to our house and evaluated Davin and also gave me some kind of assessment to fill out.  I certainly know that on the papers I filled out (they were fill in the dot, not the kind where you could write answers), Davin didn't score very high.  I mean, really.  Some of the questions were so irrelevant to his life.  For the psychologist, I was impressed as I watched Davin really pay attention and answer the questions.  I also really do like the psychologist and she has gotten to know Davin and really like him.

However......yesterday I received the official evaluation results in the mail.  I was so encouraged by how well he is doing in school and how well he did with the psychologist and by the things his teacher has been saying that I (like a silly girl who didn't know better) decided to take a look at the report.  Bad idea.  It showed that Davin's IQ was the lowest it could be and that he ranks in or lower than 1% of the population.  Really??  Are you kidding me?  Have you met this kid? 

I shall go back to my old ways now.  I will put those papers in the drawer and keep them, but never allow them to define who Davin is.  My boy is not what is written on that paper and his abilities can't be measured by the regular standards.  I know who he is.  Davin knows who he is.  He is funny.  He is tricky.  He is smart.  He is loving and he is loved.  I will not focus on those papers, those words.  I will focus on who Davin is. 

College Spring Break

This week has been much different than we expected.  Cheney's spring break was this week and we had planned to go away on a skiing vacation.  I had let Davin's school know that he would not be there this week.  After thinking things through a bit more, we realized that now was an excellent time for Cheney to look for a summer job and he also did not seem real keen on a busy week, but rather needed some down time to rest and get ready for the last two months of school.  So, we changed plans. 

The week has been spent mostly here at home with just the four of us (although I did make Davin go to school;-).  I have cooked and baked and I always enjoy doing that for our kids.  Cheney has gone on one interview and has two more today.  I spent one day driving Cheney around as he filled out applications and asked about summer employment.  He took me out to lunch:-) 

Davin has spent lots and lots of time just looking at his brother.  It is just the cutest thing.  All week Cheney has begged for me to let Davin stay home, so tomorrow Davin will skip school and stay home and look at his brother all day;-)  We may go bowling which is a favorite activity for both of my boys. 

Good week:-)

March 8th

8 years ago, on March 8th, I received a phone call from my sister pretty late at night.  My Dad had passed out and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.  He had not woken up.  I knew that my Dad had been feeling flu-like symptoms earlier in the day, so I didn't worry too much.  Dad probably just got weak and fainted. 

As the hours went on through the night and I struggled to catch some naps in between phone calls and tears, the scenerio grew worse and worse.  Daddy still had not woken up.  It had been hours.  I finally spoke to my Mom around 4 am and told her I would be leaving in the morning to come down.  Unlike my Mom, she agreed.  I expected her to say that we should wait and see what happens and that it probably is not a big deal, but she just quietly said "okay".  I knew I needed to be there. 

The local hospital came to the conclusion that my Dad had an annurism.  He was to be heliported to a hospital in Philadelphia where they could help him.  A drain was placed in his head to drain the fluid. 

I arrived home to NJ sometime in the early afternoon and my in-laws were waiting for me so they could deliver me to the hospital.  I got out of the car and am not even sure I said goodbye to my mother and father-in-law.  My Mom and sister were outside and I just clung to them.  It was bad.  He was alive, though.  I had fear all the way home that I was going to get a call telling me that he did not make it.  That call, thankfully never came. 

We walked into the hospital and I went in to see my Dad.  There are no words to describe how it felt to see him in that condition.  My Dad was in a coma and had tubes everywhere.  Part of his hair was shaved from putting the drain in.  I sobbed at his bedside. 

I then left the room and my brother-in-law hugged me while I cried and cried.  Over the next few days, we would stand vigile by my Dad's side.  We would hold his hand, we would cry, we would wait... Every day was the same for a few days.  We would meet other families in the waiting rooms and some of their family members survived and some did not.  It was a heavy place to be day after day. 

On the Wednesday following my Dad's fall, we finally were told exactly what had happened.  My Dad had a staff infection in his heart and his valve was literally just blown and there was infection everywhere.  The infection was shooting out from the heart valve and he had bruises on his toes and fingertips as a result of the infection clots traveling through his body.  At some point on March the 8th, infection traveled up to his head and he fell to the hard wood floor in my parents' house.  He fell hard.  Due to the fall, he had bleeding on both sides of his head and that made surgery to repair his heart a risky thing.  The neurosurgeon and the cardiac surgeon would have to wait and see when the perfect time was to operate.  At any time, though, Dad could pass away from the problems going on in his heart.  The doctor looked my sister and Mom and I straight in the eyes and told us that he was a far ways away from being who he was before.  They gave us some percentage for his survival (but we were later told the real percentage was 5% that he would survive, let alone thrive) and that was the end of our conversation.  We were devestated.  Crushed.  I could hardly talk or think clearly. 

I immediately went to my cell phone and called Alan.  He and the kids would be traveling down to NJ to support me and to say goodbye to their Pop Pop possibly.  We wanted them to have the choice.

My kids came and my Dad held on.  We had precious time together in the waiting room.  I spent lots of time with my Mom and stayed in NJ for a couple of weeks before heading back home to my family.  For the next five weeks, I prayed that God would hold my Dad's heart literally in His hands.  I prayed that He would keep it beating even when it seemed like it should have stopped.  I prayed that the Spirit would minister to him even if he could not hear us. 

My Dad eventually had his open heart surgery and now sports a pig valve, but rarely oinks:-)  Following the five weeks in the ICU prior to surgery, my Dad had to head over to a rehab.  He was still in a coma-like state.  He did not appear to be "there".  He could not walk by himself, he could not shave, feed himself, or do anything to take care of himself anymore.  He could not read anymore.  He did have his speech, but often did not know who most people were.  He always knew my Mom:-) 

In the brain injury unit of the rehab, my Dad was locked (with a padlock) into a wheelchair to keep him from trying to get up without assistance.  He was kept in a pack and play bed.  It was like a literal pack and play for babies, but it fit over the hospital bed and was enclosed on all sides.  It could only be unzipped from the outside.  He also wore mittens on his hands so he would not try to yank out his trach tube.  He had already pulled out his central line and eventually pulled out the trach, too.  I hated leaving my Dad there.  It was like he was a baby. 

Little by little, he came back to us.  The more he came back, the more frustrated he became being confined in this way.  At the 13 week point, my Mom was horrified at how horribly my Dad was talking to the nurses and doctors.  He had enough!  Alan and I and our kids had come for a visit and could see Mom was very distressed.  Alan said we should just bring him home and that either Alan or I would stay to help care for my Dad.  I called my sister and told her to dress all in black because we were "busting Dad out of there!". 

One of the memories that will always stick in my mind is when we went to pick Dad up from the rehab to take him home.  Alan and I were both there and Alan had driven our suburban.  My Dad had been sedated because he was so agitated, but was also still very weak when walking.  I watched as Alan literally picked my Dad up and placed him into the truck.  The picture just struck me. 

The doctors told us that what Dad was one year following the accident would be what he was forever.  God has continued to heal my Dad's brain in amazing ways.  I have been able to enjoy spending one day a week with my Dad for 7 years that we lived in NJ.  My Dad has started doing woodworking again. He does not figure things out the way he used to and his work is not what it was, but it keeps getting better and he figures out more things as time goes on.  My Dad has the stamina and strength of an ox:-)  He has worked on landscaping my sister's house and mine for the last five years. 

It has been so precious to rebuild my relationship with my Dad as he came back to be "the Dad" again.  I love that he now takes me out to lunch and always has to pay.  Just like before.  I have been able to watch his relationship with my kids be restored, too, as my Dad became more and more of his old self and was able to focus on other people again.  Thank you God.  I know it was all You.  May you have the praise.

Marriage Month

In my life, March is the month of marriages.  Alan and I will celebrate 26 years of wedded bliss (okay, it wasn't all bliss, but I have not separated how many years were blissful and how many were not and overall they are all good;-), but that is just a drop in the bucket compared to our parents.  On March 13th, my mother and father-in-law will celebrate 46 years and on March 16th my Mom and Dad will celebrate 48 years of marriage!!  Wow, that is almost half of a century. 

It is hard to describe what a gift it has been to watch these two marriages.  We have watched our parents raise their kids, love their grandkids and love each other.  We have also watched our parents be caretakers of their spouses.  Alan's Mom has many health problems and I am not sure my father-in-law ever WALKS to get her what she needs.  He RUNS.  Every time.  Well, it seems like every time to me.  I am constantly amazed by his utter devotion and dedication to his wife.  I watched my Mom sit by my Dad's intensive care bedside during their 40th wedding anniversary and saw her cry and wonder if my Dad would live to see another anniversary.  My Dad suffered a traumatic brain injury and their lives have never been the same since then, but my mom's devotion to my Dad has never wavered.  She has gotten tired, she has been discouraged, but she has loved him like no other.  (Frankly, he is quite spoiled;-) 

I know this is not something everyone is blessed with.  I know that having two sets of parents that have stuck it out through better and worse is not the normal anymore.  I sure am thankful.  Happy Marriage Month!!

Kicking and Screaming....again

Apparently I not only kick and scream regarding my children growing up, but I also have a few fits if you try to change my diet on me.  I have already determined that I am beginning a new eating and exercise lifestyle with a couple of friends starting this Thursday!  I am super excited about it, but apparently, I wanted to do it my way and not with "outside" (husband) help;-) 

Alan decided at the new year to make some big changes to his eating.  He has been buying all sorts of things that have less fat, less calories, blah, blah, blah.  You get the picture.  I am okay with that, but I was not quite there yet. 

We were trying to decide what to make for dinner tonight and decided on making sausage with onions and peppers.  Alan told me that he is trying not to eat bread, so he would not want anything with bread.  I told him that he could get me a roll and do whatever he wanted.  He mentioned that if we were having sausage, it would be great to get turkey sausage.  I rolled my eyes, but he didn't see me because we were talking on the phone.  I think I roll my eyes a lot while I am on the phone;-) 

Alan came home with the groceries and I was already self-talking myself into the whole turkey sausage thing and thinking that it was a good idea because I am starting my weight loss program on Thursday.  I unpacked the bags and there were NO rolls of any kind.  The only way I was talking myself through this was thinking about the yummy roll that would cover the taste of the turkey sausage if I didn't like it.  NO rolls, and instead......wheat pitas!!!  I started freaking out!!  I was going over our whole conversation and Alan said he didn't remember that I said I wanted a roll.  If he had heard me say that he would have gotten me a roll.  I replied that he had to have heard me because I was talking right into his ear.  He found my reaction on the funny side and I told him I needed some time to regroup and get myself together.  He thought I was kidding, but I am pretty serious about my bread and it took some time snuggling with Davin to bring myself down once again. 

I now have my whole entire head wrapped around my much healthier dinner and how fantastic it will be when I am much thinner in the summer.  The best part will be that we are doing it together.  Why, oh why, must I kick and scream?? 

By the way, Alan just came in and asked what I was doing.  I told him I would rather not say.  He asked if I was blogging about THE ROLL:-)  Oh dear! 

What is a Mom to do?

I knew this would be hard. Moving at 18 years of age is hard. Moving when you are non-verbal is extra hard. I knew it would not be ideal to put Davin in a "typical" high school at this age and have the "typical" kids his age try to get to know him. I didn't think about church....

Davin and I sat in Sunday School yesterday. We were in the back row. Every single teen had to walk by us to get to their seats. I noticed. Davin noticed. A teen came up and introduced herself to someone else who was new. Davin and I watched. We started feeling invisible and I wondered what I should do. Finally, two sweet, sweet girls came up to Davin. They had already been past us and were sitting in the very front row. They came all the way to the back row to introduce themselves to Davin and ask his name. Sweet girls. Only in 9th and 8th grades, too:-) We chatted with them for a bit. A ray of hope.

These waters are new. I am not sure how to proceed. Do I talk to the youth pastor? He hasn't done a great job of getting to know us or ask what he can do to enable Davin to be able to go to SS or youth group without me or Alan. He has tried, though. He really has. It is probably harder since Davin's former youth pastor also doubled as his best friend. Davin adored him. Maybe this youth pastor needs to go on a road trip to Cedarville. That is what bonded Davin and his Pastor Greg:-) Hmmm...., I know that I have been living with Davin for a long time, and I will give grace to everyone else who may not be knowing quite what to do. How do I reach out for Davin? What do I say? This is hard.

A Change of Heart (yet to come....)

I have slowly been reading Max Lucado's new book "Out Live Your Life". While I was home from church with a sick Davin, I read a chapter. Conviction... Really? Yup. It talked about not giving up on anyone. No one is too far from God. No one is a lost cause. Really Lord? I have very rarely given up on anyone. However, there is someone in my life that I have decided that I am done with. Lost cause. Too much wrong has been done. God says differently. I need to adjust my heart. Is it there yet? Not yet. It started, though. I prayed this morning for this person. That always helps. It is hard to pray for a person and not love them. I got a little more than I had bargained for this morning.

A Change of Scenery

In August of 1995, a mom of four children moved to the Rochester, NY area with her husband and family. She was 28 years old. Her children were 2, 4, 8 and 9. Life was good. Her husband had been traveling four days a week for the last 2 years and her little boys did not remember their Daddy ever living with them full-time.



In January of 2011, that same mom of those same four children moved back to Rochester, NY after being gone for 7 years. Things are a bit different now. Those little girls that giggled and played pretend in her house are now 23 and 25. They didn't come. One of her little boys is now a sophomore in college and will only be here sporatically. Thankfully, that former 2 year-old is still with his Mama:-) This time, they are coming off of 14 months of their Dad traveling during the week. Thankfully, they all have plenty of memories of Dad being home every night and playing a huge part in their growing up.

It is both so familiar and so strange all at the same time. To be here, the place we really call home, feels comfortable and homey. To move for the first time, with only part of my family is more than strange. I know that my place is to be here with Alan and yet my Mom's heart has a really hard time being away from my girls.

Being the optimist that I am, I am looking forward to some new things while I am here. My girls will come and visit me!!! Bethany is coming this weekend and I cannot wait!!! Visiting and staying with people is very different than just visiting for a few hours. It is more intimate, you make an effort to do things together, you savor the time spent with each other. I am really looking forward to that.

I have amazing friends that are here. I am so looking forward to reconnecting and getting to spend time with them and in many cases, getting to know the children that were just little children when I left. I will make time to read, time to scrapbook, and time to work on cooking new and different meals. Alan and I both plan to work on living a more healthy lifestyle and including regular exercise in our routine. I will spend time with my man. We will not have the distractions (oh, did I just call my children distractions?? ;-) (Just kidding, girls!) and we will spend time together just the two of us. Hmmm, what is that like??

A Time to Weep

Buster Elvis Hester

January 1, 1997 - December 6, 2010

Today is a sad day. Our dog, whom we had for 12 years, died today. Buster was part of our family for a long, long time and it feels strange without him today.

I always said that Buster was going to kill himself one day. You see, he was so bad about stealing food. When he was a bit younger, he stole entire loaves of Italian bread, sticks of butter, ate chunks out of a birthday cake, and stole hamburgers right off the table when no one was looking. Even today, that makes me smile. Buster was doing great (he even had a surgery three weeks ago) until Thursday when I was out with my Dad. While we were gone, Buster got into two pizza boxes that were left out and he probably ate an entire pizza. I think whatever he did to get the pizza boxes down (I always thought it would be interesting to have a camera so I could see what in the world he did to sneak food) hurt him somehow. The next day, he had trouble getting up and wanted to sleep outside. He was doing much better on Saturday and even ran away:-) You could never count that dog out. He was such a tricker. He was not feeling good, but managed to run away and take advantage of the fact that I had taken his leash off.

In the midst of my sadness today, God remains so faithful. He cares about my sadness over a dog. I am thankful for a God who cares about the details of my life and my family's life. God decided to have Buster die today and Alan is home today. He was so sweet and took care of so much this morning for me. Tomorrow Alan will be in Rochester. In a month, Alan, Davin and I will all be in Rochester and Bethany will be here alone. I would not want her to have to deal with this all by herself, so I am very thankful for God's perfect timing.

Not New For Him

I am not sure what I think about all of the new screenings at the airports. I do know that Davin has been having full body pat-downs for his whole life. I am just saying...

3 Years Ago

On Tuesday, Davin had an appointment at St. Christopher's. We have not been back to the hospital for quite some time now and I did not expect the flood of emotions that came. As we drove the familiar drive, passed the one restaurant that Alan and I quickly ate at one night during Davin's hospital stay, the gas station where I got gas the one night I left the hospital when Alan stayed with Davin....so many memories were made in such a short time. Davin was in the hospital for 13 days and yet it seemed like a lifetime. I can remember so many things, so many moments from those 13 days.

During that hospital stay, my boy lost so much. He needed help breathing, he could not eat and ended up with a feeding tube and rarely smiled. I prayed. I prayed some more. I cried. I cried some more. I crawled in bed with my boy and held on. I asked my God to please restore him. I knew that Davin did not have all of the skills that other kids had, but I love what he had. I asked God to give back the things that Davin had lost. Please restore him was my cry over and over again.

God always answers my prayers, but He does not always say yes. This time He did! It took some time, but God restored Davin. It was an amazing thing to watch right before our eyes.

Driving down Erie St. on the way to St. Christopher's, the tears were welling up in my eyes as I thought of the road that we were on three years ago and the way God restored my son.

A Whole Different Stage

Today I have entered a different stage of life. I am, of course, going kicking and screaming, but still I am going. My baby boy turned 18 today. I am now a mom of grown children. Ugh! Lest I make this day all about me;-), let me go on to celebrate my baby boy!

Davin Bruce Hester entered my world 18 years ago today. I expected him to come yesterday. Generally, my labors and deliveries were so fast. Davin's seemed to take much longer. He was much harder to push out for some reason. He was my smallest baby at 7 pounds and 1 ounce. He was the shortest baby at 19 inches. We had two matching sets now. Two girls and two boys. The girls were 21 months apart and the boys were 21 months apart. Things were perfect....too perfect...something in me knew that things were just not right.

Today I won't go into more about Davin's diagnosis or the grieving that followed it when I realized MY perfect was not to be. God knew so much better. HIS perfect is divine. God has allowed ME the privilege and honor of raising this PERFECT (well, not always;-) boy for the last 18 years. God has taught me so much through Davin. Lessons I would have missed if not for THIS perfect.

All of my children inspire me. I love so many things about each one of them. I guess the thing that makes Davin a different kind of inspiration to all of us is that he does it without words, without the normal movement that others have. He has come up with creative ways to show us who he is and what he is all about and know this without a doubt....I love that boy. We all love that boy. My family loves him with a fierceness that sometimes just brings me to tears.

Happy 18th Birthday to my littlest boy!!!! I am so proud to call you my son!!

Wheaton

Here is a picture of us during our visit to Wheaton to see Cheney Alan for Family Weekend. It was so much fun and we so enjoyed seeing our boy.

A College Drop Out

Don't worry. It is not Cheney who dropped out. It is Davin. We went to visit Cheney's college this weekend for Family Weekend and I thought it would be wonderful if Davin went to one of Chey's classes while we were there since Davin will never get to experience that for himself. It made me kind of emotional, just thinking about it. Cheney said that was a great idea and set it up. Davin was not in the class very long when we got a text from Cheney saying that Davin hated the class and maybe we should come get him:-) Davin ended up making it through the whole class, but he decided college is not for him. Yes, to hanging out and being on campus. Yes to going to the talent show and yes to going to the improv show on campus. A big, fat NO to going to classes! Funny boy he is.

Some Good News Maybe??

I learned on Friday (when we filed the official paperwork for Davin's guardianship....hopefully;-) that in our county, we may not have to make a court appearance. The court may grant the order on paper and that may be it!! I think that would be a lot less traumatic if I didn't have to hear all of those words. I know I would rather Davin not to have to hear those words.

Also, because we were not able to file the complaint with the court until 2 weeks before Davin's birthday, there may be some things we need to do prior to his birthday to cover our decision making abilities until the order for guardianship can be granted.

Leaf Fun?

I had in my mind that I Davin really NEEDED to play in a leaf pile this year. I am not a big fan of raking (okay, I rarely ever rake up my leaves), so he had not played in the leaves for a long time. It was on my list of things to do for today:-) I began raking while Davin watched (after we paid our last respects to a bird that died flying into one of our windows:-( and the look on his face said, "Mom, this is lame". It really did! So, I am talking away and telling him that this is FUN, not LAME!

He was unsure when I went to plunk him into the leaf pile, but he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it until the part where Bethany covered him all up except for his face. He didn't love that. Good to know;-)

I Could Be In Trouble

Alan and Bethany are both away. I am quite used to Alan being away, but he usually left me with a house full of noise and kids and busyness. This time, it is me and Davin and our dogs. It is quiet as can be and we don't like that so much.

With everyone else being gone, it is kind of nice to have Davin with me at night. I know I am probably getting myself into trouble. Davin especially loves it because he sleeps right in his Dad's spot on his Dad's pillows:-) He also likes it when I tell his Dad that he is sleeping in his spot. Alan reminded me I am probably making things harder for myself in the long run. But, he just looks so cute and sweet sleeping there and he sleeps SO good (amazingly enough) when he is in our bed.

I think I am in trouble and I will have no one else to blame but myself.

God's Grace Was There

First, I must clarify. There form yesterday said, "incapacitated individual", not "incompetent". Sorry about that.

Davin and I are back from our appointments. Davin saw two doctors today. One is our pediatrician and one is a senior doctor at the practice. I had myself prepared to say something to the doctors if they began saying things that were going to hurt Davin. I envisioned whether I would need to have Davin leave the room and wait for me in the waiting room.

Our doctor could not have been more compassionate. He did not say a lot about what a devastating thing this was for us, but you could see it in his face and in the things he did say and didn't say. He already knows Davin, so there was not much to talk about. We did talk about how the paragraph that I had written did not really define who Davin is. The doctor agreed with me that in this case, we needed to make him sound as bad as possible, but that Davin is the boy we know, not what is on that paper. He signed the forms for us and we were ready for the other doctor.

The next doctor we have maybe met one other time. He could not have been more caring and considerate in the way he dealt with us. I had been praying that God would let me "keep it together". Since I am not a regular crier;-), when I do cry, it tends to be something rather ugly where my words can not even be understood. I wanted to be in control and I did not want Davin to feel like this was a huge deal. The doctor never said a word that would make Davin feel badly. He asked what he could do to help us beside signing the form. He asked some questions about where Davin goes to school and how he communicates.

We left without one tear falling! God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. The same will be true for our court date.

Davin and I talked this morning about the purpose for the appointments today and the upcoming court date. I told him that when people turn 18, they are supposed to make all of their decisions by themselves, but sometimes people need a little help. We are asking the court to let Davin have a little help in making decisions. No biggie. It is okay to need some help.

Words

Today I had to type some words at work that I did not necessarily like or agree with. The worst part is that they were about my own son. My brother-in-law/boss/attorney is getting ready to file the necessary paperwork for Alan and I to become Davin's legal guardian once he turns 18. (Otherwise, the state could step in and make decisions in his interest.) Davin will be 18 next month, so it needs to be done. The first step is to have our pediatrician sign a physician's affidavit. That is what I typed up today. Tomorrow Davin will go to the doctor. He will see his primary doctor and also one of the other doctors in the practice. It will last about an hour.

Today, I typed the words..."Davin Hester, an alleged incompetent individual". I didn't like those words. I also didn't like the words that I had to type describing what Davin can't do. I have always hated describing him that way. Can't we just talk about what he can do and what he is like? No, not for this. We just stick to the big facts. He is non-ambulatory, non-verbal, can not feed himself, wheelchair-bound and requires 24 hour a day care and his parents to make decisions for him. Does this sound like Davin to you? It doesn't sound like him to me, either. You know that Davin has his own ideas and likes to make the decisions around here:-) However, I understand the point and I realize we need to stick to the facts. I kept wanting to add things like...but he shows us clearly what he wants to do by finger pointing and eye gazing, but to write those things was not appropriate in this situation.

So, tomorrow I will take my son to the pediatrician, but it will not be a normal appointment. I am trusting that there will not be a whole lot said that will make Davin feel badly about himself. I will talk to Davin about what is going to happen (as I have been) in the morning and prepare him for what is ahead. Who will prepare me? This is hard.

Sometimes I Am A Little Slow

Poor Davin. Maybe this is a reminder to slow down and take the time to figure out what Davin is saying to me. But, it is the morning and I am so busy. Our morning routine is planned out to the minute. No time at all for anything out of the ordinary. I get his first medicine, get his clothes, shoes and boots together, get breakfast ready, move the wheelchair where I need it at the end of the hallway, get Davin dressed, feed him and put his coat on. Done. Not a minute to spare.

Davin has been pointing at something in his closet from time to time for a VERY long time. A couple of times, I thought I knew what he wanted and got that out for later in the day. Several times, I was pretty sure he wanted to wear something specific (maybe after almost 18 years, he is tired of me picking out his clothes???), but after trying to find out what he wanted to wear, I quickly gave up because, did I mention that we have a very tight schedule in the mornings???

Today Alan and I went to a wedding and Bethany and Davin stayed home together. (We try to avoid the whole "babysitting" reference so we don't offend the boy with the razor stubble;-) When we came home, Davin had on a camouflage long sleeve Army fatigue shirt. The real kind like his Uncle Mike wears when he goes to the reserves. We had gotten it for Cheney when he was in a play in the fourth grade, I think. Apparently, when Bethany was getting Davin dressed, he was insistent that he needed something else. She tried and tried to figure out what it was and then she found it..... the shirt.... who knew?

She said that she picked the Army shirt up and Davin was beside himself. When we came home hours and hours later, he was proud as a peacock and just laughed and smiled as we talked about the shirt. Davin even laughed and laughed when I told him that I didn't know that was the shirt he had been wanting to wear for so long. Oye!

When Alan went to get Davin ready for his bath, he nearly had to cut the shirt off of him because it is very much on the small side:-) So, we will be on the hunt for some new fatigues for Davin since he obviously is very set on wearing them. Fortunately for Davin, he has an Uncle Mike who can probably hook him up with some.

A Good Thing

I do not love the fact that Davin has a severe disability. I DO love the fact that at almost 18 years-old, he will still snuggle with his Mom:-) Priceless. Love that boy.

The Correct Attire

About four months ago, my family got a gym membership. Two of my kids started going. They kept asking me and asking me when I was going to start going. I don't want you to think my kids were trying to be mean to me. They knew I had wanted to start going to the gym, but the summer was just not a good time for me to start that. When Davin started back to school a few weeks ago, I started at the gym. I have this adorable partner that goes with me. She is a blondie and rather tall;-) My goal is to go three times a week, but so far, I have only made it two times a week.

I do realize that I do not always look confident when I am doing something new. Sometimes I am laughing at the gym. No one else seems to be having fun. It is a pretty serious place. I always have to read the directions when I go to a new piece of equipment. I do try to read them quickly, though;-) I also realize I do not look like the rest of the people who are working out. Do any of the other people have the upper part of their body thrown over the top of the machine like they are hanging on for dear life? Not really. Do I notice anyone else's head bobbing wildly while they are working out? No. Do other people look like they are going to fall off of the stair climber thing? No. Thankfully the nice man who happened to be smiling when he walked by and looked at me, also got on one down the aisle and then I was able to see how I was supposed to be using it;-)

Hey, I am a beginner. The last time I worked out in a gym was in high school for softball. That has been a while. Give me time.

Today I was talking to Cheney about the gym. He is very proud of me that I have been going and we talked about how he will go with me when he comes home for Thanksgiving. I then told him how someone had asked me a question about his college when they saw me wearing my matching Wheaton College sweatpants and t-shirt. (and frankly I was feeling good!) Cheney asked me why in the world I would be wearing sweats to the gym??? I had no idea why I should not be wearing sweats. Sure, I have not seen a lot of people at the gym wearing sweats, but in 1984, we wore sweats when we worked out. I asked Chey what I was supposed to be wearing at the gym and he informed me (please everyone take note, lest you make a similar mistake) that most people wear some sort of "athletic shorts" to the gym. Well, who knew??

Tonight I emailed Cheney to let him know that my sweats are all washed and ready for me to wear them to the gym on Monday! I can't wait until he gets to go with me. I am really hoping he brings me home a Wheaton headband that I can wear to match:-)

Waiting...

Every afternoon around 2:00, there is one little dog in our house who watches out the window for Davin Boy. He waits and waits and waits until it is 2:30 and Davin's bus backs into the driveway. Usually Davin is greeted by Rocky who then has to sniff his wheelchair and figure out where Davin has been and what kind of smells he has on him today. Cute:-)

The Year was 1990

I have now been a parent for 25 years! It is hard for me to believe that. To make things worse, my BABY is turning 18 in just a couple of months!! Next time someone asks me my children's ages, I am going to include my dogs' ages because that will make me feel better. Having children who are 18 - 25 is not good! They are way too old:-) They are still fun, though and I do like to be around them. Still, I think using the dogs' ages is a good idea.

Of the 25 years of parenting, I have been changing diapers for 24 of them. It has been part of my life for over half of my life! Wow! HOWEVER....there was that one year....it was blissful....there were no diapers...

When Bethany was 2 1/2, this cute little 4 year-old named Ashleigh potty trained her. I am not even kidding a little bit. I would always say that Bethany was fine, but Ashleigh would drag (sometimes literally) her into the bathroom and insist that she "wanted" to go to the bathroom. Since Bethany has always adored her older sister, I guess she decided if Ashleigh thought she wanted to go to the bathroom, then she must have. So, Bethany was potty trained. I was not yet pregnant with Cheney Boy. Alan was home from his med-cruise just recently. Life was pretty good:-) I knew it, too. Sometimes when people have small children, they think life is so crazy and hectic and can't wait for them to grow up. Not me. I knew having two little girls was the best and having no diapers made my life just seem like a breeze.

It was a whole year until our little Cheney Alan Scott came into our lives in January of 1991. Even though changing diapers is no big deal and it is just a part of my life, sometimes, I still think back to 1990.....ahhhhhhh.....:-)

Happy 25th Birthday

25 years ago, my life changed forever. A little 8 pound, 5 ounce little girl came into my life and I was no longer strictly known as Heather. I was Ashleigh's Mom. It is a title that I have had for 25 years now and am so proud of. Happy Birthday to the baby girl who changed my life, stole my heart (and her Daddy's) and set my course on a different direction. I love you!!

25 Years Ago Today....

25 years ago today I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I had been given a due date of September 6th and here it was the 14th. 25 years ago, I was about as big as a house;-) Seriously. 25 years ago, I had a husband, but we didn't yet feel like a real family. We had been married such a short amount of time (6 months) and over half of that we had spent apart while Alan attended Navy boot camp and his first ET school. 25 years ago, I was writing letters almost every day telling Alan what was going on in the day. We got to talk on the phone some, but it was not like today where we have email and communication is so much easier. Phone calls were expensive and money was not something we had a lot of:-)

25 years ago, my whole life was about to change. I had been through the most terrible time of my young life. I had felt the stares of people in my church, heard the whispers, missed the eye contact, saw the disappointment in faces.

But now....now it was different. Now my baby was about to be born. The baby God had decided to bless me with in spite of who I was and what I had done. I was ready. I don't know how I was ready, but I was.

I made a decision to never make my baby pay for my mistakes. I took that to heart. I would welcome this baby and never look back.

When I think about that time in my life, the most amazing thing is the transition. When did my teenage heart become a mother's heart? I can not look back and see the day, but it is so obvious that it happened. I went from being a senior in high school concerned with soccer practice and homework and now 9 months later, I was ready for this new challenge. I didn't feel like I was missing out.

Thankfully, this day 25 years ago, I didn't realize I had another 9 days to wait!!!! She was worth it, though.

Be Specific

Davin came home from school today with a bit of an attitude problem. His note from school said he had a great day, but when he got home, his sister was on his sofa that he usually rests on. I was asking Davin questions, but instead of giving me a yes or a no, he decided to start hitting his sister. I firmly explained he would not be hitting his sister or he would have to go spend time in his room. I guess I needed to give the full list of things he was not to do since he then pulled Bethany's hair instead. Ugh! Really Davin? I told him he was going to have to adjust his attitude and give his sister a hug as an apology. It took a while, but he eventually submitted. Attitude, attitude, it's all about the attitude.

I Got It Right Today

The reason that Davin was in his bed crying (my previous post) was because he had a fever:-( I felt pretty badly that I let him cry and cry for so long. Needless to say, it was a long, rough night. Sleep did not come easily for him and his fever was not quick to break. After several hours, I took it to the Lord and prayed over Davin and his fever finally broke and he was able to rest.

On Thursday, Davin was feeling much better and we got up and got ready for school. His bag was packed, breakfast was eaten, straps were done on his chair. He was ready. The bus did not come. We watched out the window. Rocky watched out the window. The bus still didn't come. I called the bus garage. This year, Davin's school decided to observe the Jewish holiday. The bus would not be coming. Oh yikes. Just a couple of days into school and already I am confused! This is not a good sign;-)

Today, we got up and got ready. The bus came. Good day.

Giving In

Alan left today for Rochester for the week. Bethany is spending the night with her sister. I have one little 17-year-old boy who is whining in his bed. I am ready to call it quits and go and get him, put him in my bed and he will be asleep in no time. Little twirp:-)

Today was Davin's first day of school (the second for everyone else;-) and the day went well. For dinner, I took Davin and Bethany to Friendly's to celebrate the first day of school. Davin had a HUGE strawberry milkshake (thanks to his bus driver Leslie who gave him the Friendly's gift card) for dinner. We stopped by Costco and Joann Fabric on the way home. I even made up a special first day of school song and sang it to Davin on the way home. You would think he would be tired and want to go to sleep.

Sometimes you just need your Mom... I can relate to that.

Food Fight

I am in a food fight with Davin. Unfortunately, at the present, he is winning. It is a battle that rears its ugly head from time to time. The first battle with food was before he was 2 years old.

These days Davin is "supposed" to have oatmeal for breakfast. There are very few choices for breakfast since the school gave me a fit and a feeding center changed his whole diet for me:-) Thank you very much to them. Davin ate oatmeal every morning until he was probably 12 or so and then I started giving him cereal! He loved it and I would be careful that it was mushy before he started eating it, but then the diet change....and here we are back at oatmeal for the last 4 years, I guess.

Davin's normal routine is to eat the entire bowl of oatmeal. It gives him a good start and I have found the oatmeal to be an excellent place to stash some things I want to get in him for the day. I can throw in his calcium and vitamin D chewable thing, his flax, butter for more calories and sometimes even a multi-vitamin. Well, he is not too thrilled lately with oatmeal and I can not shove it into his mouth!

Normally, if my kids won't eat what I have for them, I just say fine. No biggie. But, when your kid is 17 and weighs a whopping 65 pounds and some of that has to be attributed to the hardware in his hip;-), you are a little more persistent about eating the calories.

So, we are in a fight. This morning it was a draw. He ate almost half. When school starts, it will be a different story. Do I wait this out or give him the yogurt that he will gladly eat? Yogurt has between 100 and 200 calories and I can not get the extras into that as easily. Definitely not the calcium because that needs to melt for him to be able to eat it.

Did I mention that we went to the neuro yesterday and she thinks Davin is way too thin?? Oi

I Had a Feeling

A mother in front of us in line at the place to get your blood drawn was waiting for her teenage daughter. She had been waiting for a while. She was getting nervous. She finally tried to go in and see what was happening. She came out and said there were 2 people with her. She asked what was going on and was told her daughter would be fine. What did that mean? Find with what?

Davin and I went in to have Davin's blood drawn. We had the same lady. She went over and whispered something to another tech over by the teenage girl who was still not done. I knew I should ask for another tech. This one just didn't seem quite competent. How did I really know that, though? I just hate to hurt people's feelings.

I back Davin's wheelchair up and tell her he has good veins in either arm and ask her if she has a preference for his arms. She asks me if I am going to stretch his arm out and hold it. I tell her that is what I usually do. I stretch his arm out and she grunts. I ask her if that is good or bad. She finally sticks him and has to move the needle around. It is uncomfortable for Davin. I can tell. I just keep telling Davin what a good boy he is and that it is almost over. She doesn't say a word to him. We are on the second of three vials and the tech asks me if his vein usually blows up like that. I tell her no. I have never seen that happen.

Maybe some mothers would not know if the vein usually blows up, but I am always holding Davin's arm, so my head is inches from his little arm. I ask her what it means for it to be blown up. She said that his vein just blew. What??? She is telling me in this voice that is not caring, not concerned, not anything. I ask her what that means. She said it is no big deal. She told me that I am holding his arm tight, so that is going to happen. I ask how it will heal and she said it is not a big deal and it will just heal. She is making me feel like I am being ridiculous. I am not panicked or freaking out, but I would like to know if I should be watching for something or have my doctor look at his arm or anything. To top everything off, as she is continuing to draw his blood, she asks me if I want her to stop. How should I know if she should stop? I told her that she would know better than I would if she needed to stop. I do not know what having a blown vein means!!

The tech goes over and tells the other tech what happened and had her tell me again (but in a much nicer and more thorough way) that it would heal by itself. Our tech tells me that his veins are very small and she used the smallest butterfly needle they have and that , of course, this (his vein blowing out) is going to happen. Hmmm, that is interesting because his veins are much bigger than they used to be and he has his blood taken every six months at least and has for his whole life.

I realize it is not a big deal and that it really was nothing to worry about. I just think I had a right to ask questions about something that happened to my child and I just wanted her to explain to me and maybe to Davin what had happened and maybe in a respectful way that didn't make it seem like I was ridiculous.

A Reminder

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6

I really need to be reminded of this verse over and over and over again.

A Sleepover!!!!

In just a few minutes Bethany is coming to pick Davin up for a sleepover!!! She is house sitting for my sister and asked if Davin would like to have a sleepover. Are you kidding?? Of course, he would! Davin doesn't get to go on sleepovers very often, so the thought of it is very exciting for him and for me. I am excited that his sister would think of doing that for him and that he can be excited to go. We have talked about it all afternoon and now we just have to finish up dinner and get a bag packed. Sissy is even going to take him swimming tomorrow:-)

And Then There Was 1

I knew this day was coming. I certainly prayed my boy back to Wheaton. I rejoiced and cried tears of joy as we watched the Lord provide the seemingly impossible funding that enabled Cheney to go back for his second year. My logical mind knows that is where he is supposed to be and would never stand in the way. But....my Mom's heart is never ready for him to leave.

I was so thrilled to see his excitement at returning to college this year. I see how much growth there has been in him in the past year. I know he is supposed to be far away from home during this time and yet....I was not ready to let him go.

I hugged him at the airport and smiled....but was not ready to send him off.

He knows. He knows he is loved here, wanted here, cherished here, appreciated here, but he also knows he belongs at Wheaton.

I know tomorrow will be better, but today the tears seem to come so quickly. Sometime they catch me by surprise and sometimes I expect them.

This morning as we got ready to leave for the airport, I told Cheney I was pretending he was going to camp. I thought it might help:-) Tomorrow, I am carving a space of his room as my new scrapbook space (until he comes home, of course). I am hopeful that will ease my pain. Probably not, but I will be happy to have a place to work on my scrapbooks. Maybe I will get around to finishing the book for him that was supposed to be done by high school graduation;-)

I am hoping that the pirate flag that now hangs in his room that reads, "The beatings will continue until morale improves", will encourage my creativity;-)

Where Is My Heart?

I feel like I could be at a crossroads and yet part of my heart keeps tugging me back. After doing Awana and youth group for many years, I thought that maybe my time was up, at least for youth group. I had not made many connections with the girls this year as I am usually with Davin during youth group. I had expected that this would happen as I am more of Davin's aide while I am there. That is okay, but I wondered if I should still be there if I am not making progress with the girls. It seemed as if God was leading me away from there. Then, some connections are being made and I am left unsure of how God is leading.

Then, there is this very handsome man who will be living most of his days in Rochester. He doesn't like to live without me and I am thankful for that. If finances work out, we are reconsidering making the move to Rochester for a time. Part of me loves this and part of me doesn't. Both of my girls will be staying here, but I like to support my man and be there to make him dinner and take care of him during the week. He is so good about doing what he has to do to provide for our family and doesn't complain, but I know it would mean a lot to him if Davin and I (and at times Cheney:-) were there. It is not simple, though. We have a house here that, for many reasons that I won't explain, we need to keep. I have been apartment hunting again online and looking at some different areas to figure out if we can do it. So, limbo again. My favorite;-)

I have also been seeing a need and feeling a tug to minister to Moms with young children. I was involved with a MOPS program at my sister's church for a couple of years and I think this may be a ministry that God would have me take on in the near future. But, I must know first if I will be here or there. I know that God will show me what I am to do. I am very thankful and excited about the new connections I am making with the youth group and excited about the possibility of a ministry to young mothers that God seems to be laying on my heart. So many possibilities!

How Tricky It Can Be

I have grown very accustomed to having a child who is non-verbal. It does not often cause a problem really. I hardly think of him as being non-verbal. He is so much a part of everything and he is constantly communicating although not with words.

When Davin becomes sick or has something bothering him, things become a bit more difficult. I have been doing this for over 17 years, so I can read him pretty well and up until now have not had him into the doctor's office needlessly very often. So, when I notice something seems "different", I watch. I watch and watch and then at times, I begin to panic. Yup, I panic. I know it is hard to believe, but it does occasionally happen. I think God has given me that line where I cross over to being concerned and he uses that to keep Davin safe. I have to go with my gut since Davin doesn't have words.

Last night, I got concerned and it ended with a trip to the emergency room. In the end, the problem is not huge and Davin will be fine. The doctor and nurse were so compassionate. Poor Davin was nervous as could be. All that happened following his hip surgery in 2007 certainly has affected how he feels in a hospital setting.

Thursday Thirteen (My Sissy)

I decided to do a Thursday Thirteen today in honor of my sister. She just celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary and that is a pretty big deal:-) She is my only sibling and just happens to be the one I would choose if I got to pick. Here are 13 things about my sister, Jenny:

1. She was always called Jenny growing up, but now most of us call her Jen.

2. She is a nurse and has just accepted a job as a school nurse. I have mixed feelings about this;-)

3. She has three adorable children...Taylor, Trey and Jonah.

4. Jen is 18 months younger than me.

5. She grew taller than me.

6. Jen is the person I call to ask advice.

7. She is probably the most easy-going person I have ever known.

8. She deals very well with a sister who is a little more high-strung:-)

9. Jen's husband served in Iraq for a year. It was a very difficult year, but she handled it in an amazing way, just like she does every challenge.

10. She loves Jesus.

11. She makes me laugh all the time. We have lots of sister jokes that no one else finds that funny. That makes them even funnier to us!

12. I may have traumatized her during our childhood. For that, I am sorry. Really, I am:-)

13. She is perhaps the most reliable person I know. I can always count on her to listen to me, help me, or support me in any way that she can. She is the best and I am so blessed to call her my sister and my friend.

Missing Him

I am missing my Alan this week. Although we have spent lots and lots of days/weeks/months apart, sometimes I just miss him more. This is one of those times. He left early Monday morning and doesn't come home until late next Tuesday evening. All of our kids were here tonight for dinner and it made me sad he wasn't here. He loves when we are all together. Cheney's girlfriend Renee has been here this week visiting and he is missing that, too.

I am so thankful that he does what he needs to do to provide for us. Most of the time, I am okay with being here without him. Just not this week.

My Banner

I was listening to K-LOVE yesterday on the way to youth group (a half hour late!). It was the Proverbs 31 segment and it really touched me. She was talking about seeing someone who had won a beauty pageant and that this young woman was wearing her banner across her chest that stated her title. She went on to say that we wear banners, too. We may not wear them across our chest, but the world sees our banners. Do our banners read that we have joy, patience, long-suffering, hope, and peace?

I really like this analogy and feel challenged by it. Even if my banner does not read "Miss America":-), I am being watched. The things I say and my attitude affect the people around me and can either point them to what I have in Christ or turn them off from it.

Help me Lord to remember to wear your banners to the world I come in contact with.

Moving On...

Well, the day has finally come and gone. It was a strange date because for several months it was the day that Bethany was to be married and more recently, it became the date she was not getting married. We are now past that day and Alan commented last night that it is good to have that behind us. We are moving forward. Bethany is doing well and continues to rest in the fact that she made the right decision, in spite of the fact that it was a hard one. Instead of having a rehearsal dinner and wedding/reception, we went to see Despicable Me as a family and spent an afternoon and evening at Ocean City Boardwalk. We ate cheesesteaks together. Once during the weekend, Alan was concerned that we were spending too much money, but I reminded him that we were not spending nearly as much as we expected to;-)

A Special Prayer Request

Do you know how you pray for lots of different requests, but every once in a while, one just grabs you by the heart and won't let go? That is where I am today. A friend from church just delivered her baby girl. I believe little Addison is about 13 weeks early. About a month ago or so, the doctors had shared with the soon-to-be parents that they feared the baby had some kind of medical issues. This one has got my heart. I am praying and praying and often find myself on the verge of tears. Oh Lord, be merciful....

Bye Bye Bunk Beds

We have had at least one set of bunk beds in our home for at least 22 years. A short while ago, I decided that one change that we could easily make in our house and would hopefully help my back a little was to get rid of the last set of bunk beds. Davin had been sleeping on the bottom bunk of the set that he shared with Cheney for many years.

Last weekend, we cleaned and sorted and moved things around. Davin is now the proud owner of a slightly used full bed. (Previously, it was Mom Mom and Pop Pop's, Ashleigh's, Bethany's, and then Cheney's) He was pretty excited to be up higher and be able to see out of his window now. I am also thinking that he may be expecting Cheney to sleep there from now on with him, too since it was most recently Cheney's bed:-)

Today I am waiting for a futon to be delivered for Cheney's room. His room is teeny tiny and I was trying to come up with a good solution that would be comfortable for him, but also allow me to use his room a little bit for other things (scrapbooking:-) when he is at college. We are hoping the futon will fit in the room and Cheney will come home to a place to sleep when he gets back from Ohio tomorrow!

The Looks I Get

Tomorrow is the first day of summer school. This year and for the past couple of years, we have signed Davin up for summer school. His siblings all have jobs and with our house being pretty quiet in the summertime, it seems like a better option for him. I know that summer school is much more laid back. They do fun things and go on lots of walks.

When all of the kids were home for the summers, we decided that Davin would stay home from summer school. He just missed too much being away from the house. We would either have to wait for him to get home from his half day or he would miss whatever activity we were doing and we didn't like that.

Since Davin stayed home for all of summer break for most of his life, he knows what summer feels like. He knows it is not one or two weeks. A couple of years ago, when we first decided to send him to summer school, he looked at me with a pretty annoyed look when he was riding up the lift on the bus. It was a look that said to me, "I know what summer vacation is and I KNOW this was not it!!". I had to chuckle and yet he was not amused.

The other night, Davin was in the tub and I was talking to him about school stopping for the summer and then how he would go to summer school just a few days later. Davin started shaking his head no back and forth and back and forth. He hardly ever shakes his head and certainly doesn't do it consistently. I kept talking to him and telling him how much fun summer school is and how they do fun things and Davin just kept shaking his head no over and over and over again. In between, he would look at me like I was crazy for thinking summer school was a good idea.

So, tomorrow when the lift takes his sparkly black wheelchair up, I wonder what look I will get from Davin. It seems he has made his feelings pretty clear:-) Maybe if I have some kind of great snack waiting for him when he gets home....that seems to work pretty well for boys.

Perplexed

I have been married to Alan for 25 years. We have been in a relationship for 28 years and I have known him since I was 8 or 9 years old. So, you would think in that amount of time, he would know certain things about me. Along the way, he must have missed a couple of things.

Alan and Bethany graciously went to the store for me last night. I needed to make a pie and wanted to get started on that right after evening church, so they were willing to make the trip to the store so I wouldn't have to. I gave them a list and on that list was a birthday card. Today is a friend's birthday and I wanted to get her a card. No big deal. I just needed a card for a friend. No worries. I had total faith in the team that I had sent to do the job.

After they got home and unloaded the groceries, Alan instructed Bethany to show me the card they had gotten for me. They were both smiling. Okay, no problem. They got a funny card. I am funny. I like funny cards.

Bethany showed me the front and it was talking about animals or something. Okay, it was cute. She opens it up and inside the card, they are talking about poop. What???? They got me a card that had the word "poop" in it and then to top it off, there was a picture of poop with flies flying around it. I looked at Alan and asked him what in my life made him think that I would be able to give a card about "poop" to anyone. He smiled again and said he thought I would think it was funny. Really?? Are you sure you were thinking of me, the one you have known for most of your life?? Hmmm....

I guess we still have some things to find out about each other. No worries, though. My sister came to the rescue and I traded her my "poop" card for a nice friend card. My nephew will LOVE giving that to one of his friends:-)

Some Ugliness

Today I was ugly. I wasn't the only one, but nonetheless, I was ugly. I am responsible for my own actions. My son and I had a bit of a shouting match and it looked to be taking a very bad turn. Everything is fine now, but being a parent to college age and young adults is a very difficult task for me. The lines seem blurry, the goal unclear. It all seemed much easier when they were younger and I knew my role. It was so clearly defined. I could go into my parenting with assurance and gusto. Now, I am not always sure. Teach me, Lord.

As for Bethany, she is plugging away. God has been good and she worked through lots of things in the last couple of weeks. She is getting her wits about her and looking for what God has for her next. If you think to pray for Bethany, she could use prayer about the direction God would have her go.

Davin's golf tournament is a week from tomorrow. We are really short on everything and it is hard not to panic. God knows, though. I tell myself that over and over. He will not stop providing for Davin's needs. Praise God.

This Long Week

I saw this week coming, and yet could not really visualize how it would all play out. This week I watched someone I love very much have to make an excruciating decision. It was painful to watch and yet I am so proud of her.

Bethany's wedding date had been set for July 10th of this year. Just six weeks away... real doubts had set in a few weeks ago. Finally, on Monday night after talking things through with her Daddy, she was able to come to the decision she knew was right. She and Jeff were not right for each other. There were many, many tears. There was relief. There was assurance from God over and over again that this was the right decision. God is good all the time. In the midst of the hard, painful times, we see Him so clearly. I am so thankful that God loves my Bethany more than I can even imagine and that is A LOT.

My husband is not perfect. I do not share his imperfect times on my blog. I know that I only write about him when I am sharing good things. That is how I choose to write my blog. Although he is not perfect, I can say that I could not have asked for a better father for my children. I could not even have dreamed of all the things that he is to them. I have watched his relationships with them for their entire lives and it has always been one of my greatest joys. But, watching him lovingly care for his baby girl (okay, she's 22, but still..) and talk her through everything and then finally say the words that could free her from her commitment that she felt so strongly, the words that would let her crumble so that God could rebuild something beautiful, I was just in awe. With tears in my eyes, I watched one of the most painful and yet beautiful moments that I may ever witness. His love for her is immense and it showed. Her love for him is the same. It also showed.

I must say that this week has been one of the hardest. It has hurt to watch Bethany walk through such a difficult time. It has been a joy to watch her siblings and friends and family love her and cling to her and pray her through this time. God is good. He brings us to the place we need to be to be able to work in us his perfect will. God has His best in store for Bethany and I can't wait to see what it is.

Finding Yet Another Thing....

Today I found yet another water sport that I am a disaster at:-) Early this morning, our whole gang headed out of the hotel and rented a speed boat. We had it for two whole hours and it came complete with a wake board, jet skis and a tube. We held Davin tight while he screamed in delight as the wind blew in his face. We started taking turns on the tube. Bethany did it first and then Cheney took a turn and he was like a professional tube rider!! I was impressed. Next was Lexi's turn. She was a bit more "apprehensive" about the whole thing, but she did great. I was especially impressed with Cheney when I went to take my turn. I could hardly make myself jump out of the boat into the dark water. (Just thinking about that makes me feel a bit nauseous!) I finally managed to make myself jump in and then had to get on top of the tube. That was no easy feat for me and I hadn't even started riding yet! I finally managed to get up on the tube and rode for a little ways. It was fun! However, at the end of my ride, I fell into the water (again making me a bit nervous. Who knew what was in there? We had just visited Alligator Adventure earlier in the week!) Lastly, I had to get back INTO the boat. I thought I would never make it. I tried and tried and was so tired from my ride, I had no energy left to hoist myself back into the boat. Eventually, with my ever graceful moves and help from my strong Cheney Boy, I made it back into the boat safe and sound. Cheney and Bethany took more turns and did just great! Cheney even tried the wake board (which looks sooo very hard), but he was never able to get up on it this time.

For lunch, we ate at Hamburger Joe's. I enjoyed this so much, partly because it reminded me of Charlie's burgers from the Rochester area. I always loved that place and it was nice to have something similar. We had seen a commercial for this place and so Alan found it for me so we could all go. I decided I would like a t-shirt from the place since I had wanted to go there so badly, but unfortunately, the ones they had all had something written on it that I would not wear, so....no shirt.

Having gotten up so early, we still had tons of daylight left. We headed to the pool for a little bit more sun. Alan and Davin took a swim and then we all headed back up to rest for a bit. Tonight we spend some time packing up as this is our last night in Myrtle Beach. Tomorrow morning, we head to New Bern, NC where we will spend a couple more days before finally heading home.

We have had such a wonderful time together as a family (minus our Ashleigh and Kevin).

Monday

Today was a much slower day than yesterday. We realized we had been running Davin ragged in the past couple of weeks, so today we took it easy for the day. We all slept in and had a nice breakfast in the late morning. I like having the time to do that. After we got all cleaned up, we decided to head down to the pool for a little while. Bethany and Lexi were already down when Davin and I arrived. Davin had a great time swimming with the girls.

Bethany and Lexi and Aunt Sharon and Chelsea had made an appointment to go horseback riding at 2 pm. While they were gone, we just lounged around and enjoyed playing Phase 10 with Grandmom and Leah (another one of my nieces who is here, but I forgot to mention.) We had a nice time munching and playing the card game.

Bethany and Lexi got back to report to us how horseback riding went. The look on Lexi's face really said it all. Lexi is not a fan of horses or horseback riding. This was her first experience doing that and I think it may be her last. It sounded like an hour and a half of torture. I could not help but remember a similar horseback riding experience that I had in Aruba. This was two and a half hours of terror. Just pure terror. Much to Lexi's credit, she did not cry while on her horseback ride. During my ride, I was sobbing within two minutes of leaving. I definitely knew I would not be going with them today:-)

Tonight we will let Davin get a little bit of extra sleep, so we can do something fun tomorrow. What will it be?

For Ashleigh

This week we are on vacation in Myrtle Beach! We planned this vacation about ten months ago and have looked forward to it. Ashleigh was unable to come with us at the last minute, so we will update the blog with pictures to show her what we are doing. We miss you, Loubie!

Sunday was our first full day in Myrtle Beach. We went to the beach in the morning, which was no easy task. It has been about four years since we have taken Davin to the beach. It gets a bit harder as he gets bigger. When he was little, we carried him all the way down. As he grew, we took turns carrying him. Several years ago, I got a sled and pulled him on it when we got to the sand. This year, we drug his wheelchair backwards across the sand and then had a bath chair for him down by the water. It worked out pretty good, but I am not sure we will be hitting the beach every day;-)

Later in the day, we rounded everyone up (Alan's brother and his family are here, too. Also, Alan's parents are here.) except for Grandmom and Grandpop and went to the aquarium. We loved it and some of us even got to touch stingrays!

After the aquarium, we walked around Broadway on the Boardwalk (not sure if that is the real name) looking in shops, picking up a couple of souveniers and eating dinner at a Japanese steakhouse. Great day, but a very full day. I don't think all of our days will be quite so jam-packed.

Also, you may notice that we have an extra person with us. Her name is Alexis (Lexi) and she came with us on vacation!

Two Sisters

I have two daughters. They have been very different their whole lives. When Ashleigh was 2 and Bethany was about 6 months old, Ashleigh gave me my first big parenting challenge. She had always been a great sleeper and really needed lots of sleep. However, her will was like iron and she made up her mind that she would not go to sleep at night. I tried everything. I certainly was not a pushover kind of mom even way back at the beginning, but I just could not conquer this problem. We went for months where it would take me up to 4 hours to get one 2-year-old to sleep. I was beside myself. Ashleigh was miserable every day because she wasn't getting enough sleep. Finally, I got a system that worked and I was declared the winner (at least in the eyes of the willful 2 year-old. Phew!).

As soon as I had a handle on the bedtime problem, I decided that in a way it was good. Since I finally had figured out how to deal with this problem with Ashleigh, when Bethany went through the sleeping problem, I would know exactly what to do and it would be fine.

Silly, silly me...

Bethany did not go through the sleeping problem. She and Ashleigh have rarely had similar issues-problems-crisis. They are totally different. They adore each other and have always been best friends, but they are different.

Now we are planning Bethany's wedding. You would think I would be an expert at this because I planned a wedding just two years ago.

True to how different my two girls are, there are not many things about this wedding that will be like Ashleigh's wedding. Ashleigh got married in a church and had a sit down reception in a banquet hall. Bethany is getting married outside and the reception will be outside. Totally different things to think about for Bethany's big day.

I am not surprised. I just smile because I think that their weddings will just be a reflection of the people that they are and I think that is a pretty good thing.

My Alan Scott

I have so many things to blog about. So many exciting things are going on in our house right now. However, today is not the day for those. Today is the day that my Alan Scott was born. He is 44 years old today, so I will write 44 things about Alan.

Happy Birthday to my man!

1. Alan is 6'3"

2. He loves his family.

3. The day our first daughter was born, he literally fell in love with her.

4. Our oldest daughter Ashleigh is named after Alan. His initials are ASH.

5. Our oldest son is named after Alan. His middle names are Alan Scott. However, when Cheney was little, he asked me to just call him "Alan". So cute.

6. He is a protector. I have always loved this about him. I may try to handle something by myself, and he sometimes asks me, if he can take care of it yet. Sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no. I love knowing he has my back always, though.

7. Alan wants to be like Christ. I can see this in his life and have watched him grow and grow.

8. Alan doesn't mind when the house is messy. Thankfully!

9. Alan is not a picky eater and will eat just about anything.

10. Alan has traveled all over the world. Mostly without me.

11. Alan met a little girl with long stringy brown hair and teeth that were almost buck when he was about 9 years old. Someday he would marry that girl:-) (After braces, of course!)

12. I know that Alan would give his life for me or one of our children in a heartbeat.

13. Alan started a business 6 years ago because he wanted his brother and Dad to have a place to work.

14. Alan can do most anything on a computer.

15. He is very intelligent. When we were in school, he never took a book home and always did very well.

16. Alan gets a little frustrated with me that I am directionally impaired.

17. When Alan and I were on our first official date, we were in a serious car accident and he pulled me out of the car. (into sticker briars)

18. Alan likes to play video games, especially with Cheney Boy.

19. Alan loves to travel.

20. Alan takes excellent care of Davin.

21. He is not really an animal person and gets a little annoyed at how I talk to our dogs.

22. He doesn't seem to need many friends.

23. The minute before Ashleigh walked down the aisle at her wedding, Alan told her she did not have to go through with it.

24. Alan really likes snorkeling.

25. Alan had a very serious accident on a quad and God spared his life.

26. He is a hard worker.

27. He doesn't enjoy working around the house.

28. Alan loves spicy food. The hotter, the better.

29. Alan has blue eyes.

30. He has always enjoyed having the kids' friends at our house.

31. He likes to do things with our kids.

32. Alan has been a coach for our kids' teams many times.

33. Alan was in the US Navy for 6 years, but did not choose to stay in because he had to be away so much.

34. Alan has one brother and one sister.

35. He once dropped his neice and she talks about it frequently, even though I know she doens't remember.

36. Alan has always loved Wednesday night prayer meetings the best, even though we don't get to go now because Awana is during the same time.

37. Awana is in Alan's blood.

38. Alan is spending his 44th birthday with our son, Cheney, and will get to watch Cheney row in his regatta tomorrow.

39. Our kids know they can count on Alan.

40. All of our kids look like Alan. He has always liked this very much. He once told me that people probably wonder if I am the natural mother.

41. Alan and his brother sound just alike and so does Cheney now.

42. Alan would rather eat at home than to go out.

43. Alan had to get new shoes last week to make his traveling more "streamline". He is very serious about his routine at the airport. When he is traveling, I call him "traveling Alan".

44. Alan asked me to be his girlfriend on November 28th, 1982 at 10:06 pm. I think it was a good decision to say yes.