He's Coming

Cheney finishes up his semester at college this week.  That means he is coming HOME!!  I am beyond excited and yet there are also many bittersweet things about this summer. 

This week I will get his room ready.  I will make sure he knows he is loved and he is wanted here.  Davin and I will talk about all of the things we will do when Brother is home.  We will plan to go to Sticky Lips together.  Maybe we can convince him to go with us to Niagara Falls, too. 

While I am getting his room ready, I will not forget that this is the last summer that my boy will come home to our home.  Next year, I will share (I know it is more of a hand-off, but I thought share implied that I was gladly doing it and not trying to get rid of him;-) one of my most prized possessions with a sweet young woman named Renee.  Next summer, he will go home to THEIR home after their wedding at the beginning of June. 

I know this is what we prepare them for their whole lives.  We want them to find the person who is their other half and who they can make a fabulous life with.  Somehow, it is still hard.  So, I will find my list of a thousand things to do for the last time before my baby boy gets married;-)  He will probably go along with most of them because he is sweet like that. 

And a Hush Falls Over the Crowd....

Davin making his way down court.

...literally, ever single person on the court (both players and their partners) were completely silent as they waited so patiently for Davin to decide who he would like to pass the basketball to:-) 

Davin joined a Special Olympics basketball team in our town 2 weeks ago.  It has been so fun to go and watch them practice.  The kids have varied levels of basketball abilities, but they are all so encouraging and patient with one another.  I love to watch them. 

Davin seemed nervous when we first walked in last week.  I had already explained to him that he would have a partner who would help him around the court.  He quickly made the decision that person was NOT to be me.  That is okay.  I can take it:-) 

Yesterday he was much more comfortable and was getting the hang of a few things.  (The boy has sat through quite a few basketball games in his life!)  Our goal for yesterday was to try to concentrate on trying a little bit harder to help to pass the ball or put it into the basket. 

How did we do on our goal?  Well...it is good to have goals;-)

The post scrimmage huddle.

It's Risky

Adoption is risky.  Adoption through foster care is full of unknowns.  Children don't end up without their parents without some kind of trauma to their young lives. 

The last couple of weeks, I have had serious doubts.  It just didn't seem there was a way for God to come through.  It seemed impossible. 

Because God is good all the time, he spoke to my heart specifically through my Bible study every single day this week.  (From Captivated by God, Women of the Word series) "First, God wants us to trust Him for impossible situations in our lives, and then He wants us to depend on Him entirely.

There are so many risks, so many unknowns and so many chances for my heart to be broken in this whole process.  Our kids are worth every. single. risk.  I am ALL IN. 

Afraid to Love by Matthew Hammitt~


Afraid to love, something that could break,


Could I move on, if you were torn away?

I'm so close to what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart, and pray it makes you whole



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing every fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



I won't let sadness steal you from my arms

I won't let pain keep you from my heart

Trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I share with you

You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start

Right Now I am Loving...

sparkly pencils
talking about adoption
listening to Cheney's excitement about his upcoming wedding
getting phone calls from Ashleigh and listening to her taking care of the twins that she nannies for
anything Davin brings home from school that he has made (even if I am not sure what it is)
my pink Kindle cover (never read with my Kindle, but now I have a pink case and suddenly, I love it)
talking about weight loss/fitness/nutrition
7am (that is the time of day when our workout is wrapping up and I have 23 hours until I have to do it again)
purple
knowing that I have new windows in my house even though I haven't seen them yet
getting phone calls from my Bethany telling me about her day
that Davin was so sad when his Dad was leaving last night for a meeting
my Bible Study on Thursday nights
frozen yogurt
Friday morning talks with my dear friend
watching Alan scoop Davin up so he can sit with him
knowing that Cheney Boy will be home for the summer in a couple of weeks!!
working on a new color scheme for my living room/dining room

Friends Forever

A couple of weeks ago, I had a lunch date with a dear friend and two of her little granddaughters.  It is amazing what a couple of little girls can do to boost your spirits for weeks.  To start off, one of them mentioned to her grandmother that I was pretty.  The other one told me that I was nice.  I figured the day could hardly get any better than that.  I was already bouncing around on a cloud.  At the end of our lunch, before walking out the door, one of the girls told us to put all of our hands in together and shouted "Friends Forever"!!  It just got better!!!  I left there amazed what a couple little encouraging words could do to encourage me for days and days. 

I went home and recommended to Alan that he try it with his team at work.  (He did not feel led to follow my advice.)  I told my sister that she and her co-worker should do it in the nurse's office where she works.  (They laughed about it, but didn't do it.)  I told my Bible study girls and we did it before leaving for the night!! 

Why not end every gathering with a "Friends Forever" cheer??  Try it!!

Mexico Pictures

Better late than never??  ;-) 

Obedience

Over the last week, I have mulled some things over.  Reality has settled in.  I never expected it to take this long for us to begin to be matched up with kids.  It is discouraging.  It is frustrating.  I could be mad that the process took so long. 

I could be, except I KNOW that my God has a plan for all of our lives.  My kids who are not yet home, as well as our biological family.  God was so clear in leading us.  He will continue to lead, but I am disappointed.  I can feel it more and more as I process things.  I feel ready.  We have done the work to prepare.  Where are our kids? 

If we move from here soon, (which looks probable) we will have to start the whole process all over again (says NJ).  So what have we gained by doing all of this??

We did what God told us to do.  That has to be enough.

The Plan?

God is in it.  I know He is.  He has not filled me in on all of the details, however.  But, you know what?  He doesn't have to.  My job is to be obedient. 

We have been pursuing the adoption of a sibling group (not one in particular) for a year now.  We received our home study one week ago today.  Presently, our lease is till the end of June.  Alan and I are trying to decide how long we should try to extend it.  Maybe the end of September?  Or December?  Or are we just trying to give God more time that He doesn't need because He knows how this is all going to play out.  He knows that Cheney is coming home to NJ for his last summer as a single college student and that this Momma's heart can't miss all of that.  God also knew that NJ was going to say that no part of our home study will transfer.  Not even our classes.  We will have to be in NJ to start the process all over again if we leave here without adopting.  We have felt very strongly this is what we were to be doing.  In the end, nothing else is important except that we obey.  I believe we are doing that. 

Praying that God will continue to guide us in these murky and yet exciting waters. 

Now There is Too Much to Write...

I have been away from blogging for such a long time now and in the past few days have come on to try to catch up on some of your lives.  Now, as I try to come up with a post for today, I feel so far behind and think there is way too much to say. 

*Alan and I went away by ourselves for 11 days at the end of February/beginning of March.  We celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary and also a year of regular exercise, changing our diet and steady weight loss.  Bethany and Cheney stayed with Davin (who was sick for much of the time:-( and we are so thankful for kids who love us and are happy for us to get away.

*Our home study came in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are still sooo many decisions to be made and plans to work out, but God is in control of it all and we are so happy to have that magic report in our hands:-)

*You saw pictures from Cheney's proposal:-)  I go back and forth between being so excited about the whole thing and then mourning my baby boy leaving our nest.  So many emotions.  He could not be cuter, though and we are really thrilled.  There are just times when it hits me... like when he is talking to me about his wedding ring and suddenly I can't breathe anymore. 

*I kidnapped Bethany and Rocky and had them with us here for a little over a week.  I think I was very close to convincing Bethany to stay up here, but she was just accepted on a team to go on a missions trip to Africa in the summer!!!! so there is much to do with that and unfortunately for me, she will have to be in NJ for that. 

*Ashleigh continues to rock her classes and is on her way to getting her personal trainer certification.  I am so proud of all of the long hours and dedication she puts in.  Of course, there is also that little job she has taking care of 2 two-year-olds all day long:-) 

*Davin Boy had a talent show on Friday.  Of course, he was amazing!! 

*Some work is being done at our house in NJ to prepare for more people living there in the near future!!!  That is exciting!!! 

No Words

Blind??

Tonight, Davin was sitting on Alan's lap.  Alan must have rubbed Davin's face with his scruff and accidentally rubbed in Davin's eye.  I wasn't watching what was happening since I was on the phone, but all of the sudden, I saw Davin's eyes shut, his face turn red and he was about to burst into tears.  I told my sister I would call her back and ran over to Davin.  Alan explained he thought he scratched his eye.  Davin sat there with his eyes closed for many minutes (Davin cannot keep his eyes closed on purpose generally.  If ever he can, he loves it and pretends he is asleep and then laughs).  I got a wet washcloth to see if it would help it feel better.  He hated the wash cloth.  So, we sat there and waited until he felt like he could open his eye so I could look at it.  I am envisioning a doctor appointment or something.  Then, Davin throws his head back with his eyes closed and starts throwing his arms out wildly in front of him like he now has to feel his way because he is blind.  Then, comes the giggle.  Since he hurt his eye and could control having them shut (it really was red and it was tearing up), he figured he would play a little joke.  He thought he might pretend that he was blind.  What a funny guy.  I called my sister back and explained what had happened while Davin listened intently with a huge smile on his face:-) 

True Love

I am taking a guess by assuming that when Alan and I got married one week after my 18th birthday, there were probably bets as to how long we would last.  We were young, but we knew a secret.  The feelings might not always be there, but the commitment, the true love can be.  We made a commitment before God to continue to love each other.  That is an action, it is a verb.  We have not always done it beautifully, but we are in this for the long haul, and truthfully, most of it has been a joy. 

Happy Valentine's Day to my Alan Scott!  I love you and am so glad that God chose you for me. 

Maybe You?

When Davin was diagnosed, it was crushing.  I felt like I was literally just broken into pieces.  The "perfect" family that I thought I had was now ruined (or so I thought).  I was scared, I was overwhelmed and I had no idea what I was in for.  Then the equipment started invading our house.  First, a corner chair came.  Then, a stander and later an adaptive stroller.  This different world was taking over my house, my life. 

If I had gotten to choose my life (or what I thought was the perfect life), I would have missed out on so very much.  I would have missed out on the blessings that God brings our way because of the path He chose for us.  I would have missed a sweet note from a man that we met several months ago as he described how Davin has touched his life.  I would have missed so much. 

I can imagine that the thought of having a child who is so dependent on you might seem scary.  I thought it was scary, too, once upon a time.  You might look at me and think it is great that I do it, but that you could never have the patience, love or endurance to do it.  Or maybe you do have what it takes. 

Today I got an email from a woman who shared information about a little boy who is waiting for a forever family.  He is 5 years old and was born with cerebral palsy just like Davin was.  His story is different, though.  He is living in a children's hospital and has been there for his entire life.  His birth family is not able to care for him at home and have made the loving decision to allow him to be adopted so that he can go HOME.  I watched the video of Alex here and my heart melted.  He appears to be so happy.  I can't even imagine how he will blossom living in a home with a family.  What are you missing out on by not being his Mom? 

Check out the website and see this adorable little boy who has so much to give a family.  His smile and laugh are absolutely beautiful.  If you would like more information about sweet Alex, please contact Debra.  

Little Dabin

Ashleigh is a nanny for 2 year-old twin girls.  They have done a couple of things with Davin and I and talk about Davin now or really they say "Dabin".  Right before Christmas, the girls came over with Ashleigh and we all made cookies together.  We had such a fun day.  During the day, the girls were playing with a school bus toy and we gave it to them.  It is one that has a ramp and has some little people that go with it.  Ever since they got the bus home, the girls began calling one of the little people "Dabin":-)  It is always the same one and both girls always call that one particular little dark-skinned boy "Dabin".  It is adorable.  The other little people are just boy or girl.  Cracks me up!

My Firstborn Boy

He is 21 today.  My baby Cheney Alan as we used to call him, and perhaps once in a while, I still do;-)  I loved every minute of watching him grow up - even the ones where I was tempted to close my eyes with all of his dare devil tricks.  Now he is a man.  He has plans and goals and has found some other woman to love (thankfully I love her, too:-). 

Happy Birthday Cheney Alan Scott!!  I am so proud of the man that you have become and can't wait to see what God continues to do in your life. 

He is in the Detail Business

I love that God is a God of details.  He gave me such an uneasy feeling about the dentist and having to put Davin under sedation to have his teeth clean.  Yesterday my friend Pam (who happened to clean his teeth when we lived here 8 years ago) did an amazing job cleaning his teeth and the dentist was as wonderful as before also.  So, instead of driving 6 hours on Thursday, having Davin put under in a strange hospital on Friday and driving 6 more hours on Saturday...we drove 3 minutes from our apartment and took a little time while Davin got more and more comfortable and got the same results.  He has very clean and sparkly teeth now.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the whole thing. 

I Have to Do My Job

*DISCLAIMER:
When I first wrote this, I was mad and that anger turned into self-righteousness.  So, I took this post down.  Now after a few days of praying and thinking, I think I can put it back up with my heart right.  I have also been convicted that I very often say things that I don't think through.  I do pray that it now comes across to readers in the right way.  I wanted to write about my job as Davin's mom.  I don't want to bash someone else.  By the way, the person who posted the quote, wrote me a very sweet note and I harbor no bad feelings at all toward that person. 
The quote read something like this...

"Playing for the Giants (or whatever team they were talking about.  I have no clue, really) is kind of like running in the Special Olympics.  Even if you win, you are still retarded."

I read that on facebook and my blood began to boil.  I am not easily offended.  I rarely say something in opposition to what someone else writes or thinks.  But, there are those times, when something just rises up within me and I feel led to speak, to remind, to stand up.  I felt that way.  I wrote a comment....

"I can't begin to tell you how offensive this is to me:-("

I wrote it and I panicked a bit.  Should I keep it there?  Was I stirring up trouble?  There were already quite a few likes on it and also some comments, "YES!" and "AMEN".  I also totally know that the individual who posted this picture and phrase was not intentionally trying to hurt me or my boy (and took it down immediately after seeing my comment, I think).  I know that.  I know some of the people who liked it and I know they were not trying to hurt me.  Maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe my job is not to be the police for all that is unjust concerning people who have mental or physical disabilities. 

I prayed and I pondered.  Maybe that IS my job.  Did I ask to be a Mom of a child with a severe disability?  No.  Did God ordain me to have Davin Bruce and created him exactly the way he is?  Yes!!  That IS my career.  That is my job.  That is my mission.  When I take Davin into the grocery store and he holds my list and we talk together, I am showing the world how "normal" people with disabilities are.  When I take my son into Kohl's and laugh while he tries to grab the bras, I am showing people how "very normal" teenagers are who happen to have disabilities.  People learn.  Maybe only a little, but the people around us are learning from him.  From me. 

Slavery seems pretty distant when I think about how long people in our country have known that that is not right.  Segregation, however, seems very recent.  If no one had said anything in opposition to slavery and then to segregation, would anything have changed?  I think I see it the same.  It is one or more people groups being declared to be lesser than by another people group.  Not. cool.  Not. right.  Not. true.  Just as we all know now that the color of your skin does not define your worth, I KNOW that the level of your intelligence does not define your worth.  We were created in the image of Christ.  THAT defines our worth. 

I think God called me to this as my career.  What is the name of this career?  Not sure.  Is it the best career ever?  Yup. 

Just a Bad Feeling

Davin has had a lot of dental trauma.  We recently were referred to a new dentist who was going to look at him and see if they could give him a new front tooth one way or another.  Our referring dentist (who was a pediatric dentist specializing in special needs kids) told us that from now on, we would be the patient of the new dentist because they would be doing the work on Davin and that wouldn't be right to go there and then come back. 

Well, Davin and I went to his appointment at the new dentist and they didn't understand why we had waited to get the work done (because the last dentist told us to!) and didn't seem to understand what we needed from him.  I explained that Davin needed a dentist:-)  (He does have teeth after all, even if he is missing one.)  At the end of the visit, the dentist declared that Davin was very hesitant about being looked at by a dentist (I was shocked!  LOL) and that we should put him under anesthesia and go in and clean his teeth really good and take x-rays that way.  They called us and gave us an appointment for the end of January. 

I intended to go to this appointment.  Davin does need his teeth cleaned, but from my very first dealings with this new dentist, I didn't have a good feeling.  When Davin went into the waiting room, he was very uneasy and I was not impressed with the people there for some reason.  They were rude or anything.  Just a bad feeling.  Now I was going to let them put my child to sleep in a hospital that I did not know anything about.  The more I thought about calling to set up the pre-admission testing, the less comfortable I was with it. 

Finally today I decided we would find a new dentist and get his teeth cleaned with him wide awake just like we have been doing for his whole life.  No real reason.  Just a bad feeling.

Time Changes Things

When Davin was diagnosed, I was crushed.  I mean literally crushed.  It seemed like my whole entire world was altered forever.  Even when we don't mean to, as parents, we have an idea of what we want the future to be like.  In general, we want our kids to be the smartest, most kindest, and of course, most beautiful people ever.  I pictured the place that Davin would take as the little brother of our Hester clan.  I pictured him running around shortly after he turned one just like his siblings had done. 

When I first found out that Davin had CP, we thought it was mild and that he probably would walk.  That part of it was so important to me.  I even reached a compromise with God.  (Okay, he never agreed to it;-)  I told God that it was okay that Davin was going to do things slower, but I would like him to crawl by a certain time and walk by a certain time.  (I literally did this.)  I gave God extra time.  I felt like I was being fair. 

A friend of mine who knew her daughter would never walk, discussed with me about getting Davin a wheelchair.  I told her that Davin was expected to walk and that I would carry him around as long as I had to so that we would not have to have a wheelchair for him.  At that point, I saw the wheelchair as the enemy - the spoiler of my plans.  If I placed my baby boy in a wheelchair, I was giving up my dream.  I was giving up hope for him. 

This past Thursday, I met with Davin's teacher and therapists to get ready for his IEP meeting in March.  While we were talking about a lot of different aspects of Davin's life, I realized how much I have changed.  My heart has changed.  God has changed me and I have been blessed by allowing Him to do so. 

When I was crushed with the diagnosis, I could not see a fabulous life without walking and talking and Davin doing things for himself.  Almost 19 years later, I see so much more.  Instead of me deciding who Davin was going to be, God decided who he was going to be. 

We discussed what happens after high school for Davin.  Instead of mourning that my boy won't go to college, I can see so many possibilities for him.  As I shared with Davin's teachers some ideas that I have, they jumped on board.  I don't see Davin's limitations so much anymore, even though I know they are there.  I see his strengths.   I know that Davin can go into a day program that is run like his high school program and he can be very happy there.  But, Davin has huge strengths.  He is a people person.  His people skills without language are amazing.  If he goes to a day program, he is receiving and I know he is giving, too, but can he use his gifts elsewhere and give more?  Maybe.  It is exciting to think about.  Maybe God will use Davin and I in some kind of ministry.  Maybe we can give some awareness to churches that they don't have now.  Maybe Davin can be a greeter someplace and make connections there. 

I am so thankful that God changed my heart, but I am also forever grateful that He gave me time.  He knows I like baby steps and He loves me enough to change me just a little bit at a time.  Maybe he didn't agree to my compromise, but He has given me so much more.  Walking?  Not that big of a deal when you have a sweet toxic green wheelchair to ride around in:-)  Touching people's lives like my boy has done?  That is a big deal.

Misunderstood?

Today Alan and I went shopping to get Alan a pair of jeans.  He tried on several and as he came out and showed me one pair, I told him that the girls will really like them!!  After he walked back into the fitting room, I realized that what I said might sound a bit funny to the young men standing nearby me:-)  So, maybe next time, I need to say your daughters will really like them instead!!

Home Study Update

We are still waiting (patiently????) for our case worker to complete her part of the home study.  She needs to get the written home study to us and then we make changes and then we are ready!  From that point, we can start to inquire about sibling groups.  We have one sibling group that we are all very interested in, but we can't ask questions without the complete home study.  Unfortunately, we have been at this exact same point for about 2 months now.  I felt so patient for so long and now I am having a harder time. 

We are talking about our kids out there somewhere waiting for us, their forever family.  It is kind of a big deal.

When?

I heard someone mention "caregivers" the other day.  I supposed I fit into that category.  When did that happen?  When are you just a parent and then when does that crossover and you turn into the "caregiver"?  The answer is definitely not when your child can't do the usual self help skills when they are supposed to.  Davin couldn't dress himself or feed himself when he was eight years-old, but I was still a Mom, not a caregiver.  Hmmm....

I can just add that to my list....mother/legal guardian/caregiver.  It just makes him more mine and I am good with that:-)

Reason #4,698

Just another reason why I love him.  When this happened...

(as he was leaning back to check the water temperature for Davin's bath that was at least half 1/3 full), he simply smiled and said, "Well, I guess I am glad I just took my wallet out of my pocket." 

Just so everyone knows, Alan is aware that I am sharing this story with a picture:-)

She's 70!

She didn't have the best childhood.  She remembers sitting in bars as a child waiting for her parents to be done.  There were things she did not know the truth about until she was a grandmother, even down to not knowing her Mom's real first name.  She made the very best of it.  Her only brother became a product of what having a hard life so often does to a person.  She didn't.  She may not have had the best example (although there were some awesome adults in her life as a child), but she became a wonderful example of a godly mother.  Sometimes I take it for granted that my Mom was a Christian, and then I think about what the odds were that she would be who she is today.  I am in awe of her. 

I have my Christian heritage because she chose to follow Christ and take her two little girls to church always.  She did not have the support of a husband in her faith.  She had to be the spiritual leader on her own.  She prayed and stayed in the Word and eventually saw my Father come to Christ.  Her life has been such an example. 

I am who I am today because of who she is and who she was. 

On Friday, my Mom turned 70!  I can hardly believe it.  We had a party for her with all of her children and grandchildren present.  She got a way cool ipad2 and we made her a book with a letter from each of us telling her what she means to us.  It was a wonderful day.  It was so good to celebrate the woman who has celebrated me for my whole life. 

P.S. My one complaint would be that it would have been nice if my Mom had given me her "no-gray-hairs and don't dye my hair even though I am now 70" genes.  I am just saying it would have been nice.  Also, it is not nice when your mother is much thinner than you are and therefore you have to workout and lose weight;-) 

Happy Birthday Mom!!!!  You are the best!!!

Admitting It is the First Step

For the last 8 1/2 months I have worked so hard to change my health and my body.  I have changed how much I eat, what I eat and how often I eat.  I have worked out five days a week nearly every single week.  It has been a gradual change that I have seen, but I feel so good about the progress that I have made.  I feel good that I am not starting tomorrow like usual:-)  But.....then......Davin had his birthday.  I ordered him a cake from a fabulous bakery.  I LOVE a good bakery cake.  I adore butter cream icing. 

The day of Davin's birthday, I had a couple of pieces.  One was very small, by the way:-)  Then, the next day, I had two more pieces.  After that, I realized I was eating way too many calories.  So, I did what any reasonable lover-of-butter cream-icing would do.  I started eating the icing only and ditching the cake down the garbage disposal.  Oh my.  Things were going downhill fast.  I told Alan about my brilliant idea of just eating the icing and saving myself the calories of the cake.  He seemed more concerned than impressed. 

Finally yesterday, I admitted, the cake needed to go.  Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right? 

Another Very Special Day

Today was a very special day for Davin.  We got a letter in the mail that he would be given a special award today and that during the ceremony there would be something read about Davin and why he was getting the award.  I didn't realize that only 4 kids are chosen out of his school 4 different times during the year to receive such an award.  The staff recognizes each recipient for their own special strengths and growth. 

While Davin sat in the front of the room in front of the principal and vice principals and other guests, the following was read:

******
Davin Hester joined Creekside in the middle of last year, and the minute he entered Creekside he made a huge impact.  His smile affects everyone who meets him and people are instantly drawn to him.  He is a jokester (at this point Davin started cracking up) who enjoys pulling pranks on people as much as he enjoys having pranks done to him.  His laugh comes from his belly and is deep and sincere. 

Davin is very intelligent, and keeps up academically with his age equivalent peers from other classes while at the same time he charms the staff.

Although Davin is highly intelligent and funny, he has a devious side.  This is the side that will steal purses from the teacher's desk or off of the back of a wheelchair.  This is the side that will take a stick and knock things off of the teacher's desk.  this is the side that could have had him sent to the Principal's office on more than one occasion!

Davin is a wonderful person who comes from a loving family.  We all feel that we have been blessed to have met him. 
******

So....I went back and forth between gushing with pride to wondering if my son had just gotten an award for being a twirp:-)  In the end, I realize what he got the award for.  He got the award for being who he is.  The staff and students at his school celebrate who he is and I am so thankful for a place like that.  Why would Davin not want to go to school? 

Davin's award also got me to thinking.  The things that were said about Davin and how drawn people are to him is true.  He makes an impact.  He makes an impact most places that he goes.  Davin can't walk or talk or write or play sports in the traditional way, but he makes an impact. 

In general, we feel badly for someone who does not have the skills or abilities that we have, but am I using those "extra" skills that I have to make an impact?  Do I impact people the way my son does?  If he can touch lives the way he does without ever uttering one word, how much of an impact can I make with my words?  Davin uses what he has and he does a great job.  Do I? 

Bubby's Birthday

Saturday was Davin Bruce's 19th birthday!!  Both sisters and one special brother-in-law came to celebrate with us!!  It was a fun day for sure. 

When I think back to the day my Bubby was born, things seemed so different than they are now.  I had no idea how much that boy was going to change my life.  All of my children changed my life in many ways, but Davin's presence in my life has made me different.  I am a different mom because of him.  I stand with the proud other moms who have a special needs child to raise and I am so thankful for that.  I have a different perspective on perfection and on endurance and on unconditional love.  God knew just what I needed when he blessed me with that 7 pound 1 ounce boy 19 years ago. 

Happy Birthday Bubby!!!  I love you so much!!

Shaken

I have been shaken...but not moved. 

In general, when I am not blogging, there are things going on in my life that I can't or don't want to share, even in person.  I guess everybody decides what kind of blogger they will be, and I have chosen to share limited information.  It is a good fit for me. 

I see God working and I know that I can trust Him.   

In other news, Alan has been gone for the last 10 days.  I wish I could say I have had a great attitude and have been glad that he has been enjoying his trip.  I do wish I could say that.  While my attitude has been less than excellent, that cute boy that I share my life with has been awesome.  He has eaten every meal so nicely and has slept so soundly ever single night that we were by ourselves.  Now, for my attitude adjustment.....

My Pleasure

Davin and I recently headed down to NJ for a dentist appointment.  A sweet side benefit is that I got to spend time with my daughters.  I have been missing them so much.  One day, I got to take my Dad with me to meet Ashleigh and the twin girls that she nannies for.  We met for lunch.  To be honest, I knew this time could go either way for my Dad.  He has always been pretty head strong and if he decided the girls were acting up or we had driven too long to get there, his mood would be hard to change.  I held my breath.  Lunch could not have been better.  My Dad and I got to watch Ashleigh do what she loves to do.  She takes such excellent care of the girls.  They are 21 months old.  As I got to watch Ashleigh, it just affirmed what a wonderful mother she will someday be.  She is making such a difference in the life of this family by training their children so well.  The girls were adorable and my Dad enjoyed them so much.  The sweetest part of the trip was when we were getting ready to walk out and I asked E if she would like to hold Pop Pop's hand on the way out.  She is just a tiny little peanut, but she reached up and grabbed his hand and held it all the way to the car.  I watched my Dad whose normal strides are long and quick, slow down to keep pace with little E.  So sweet. 

I also got to be present for Bethany's first day at her new job!!!  She now has a job working in her field!!  Woo hoo!!!  I got to be there to make her lunches for the first few days, and I was blessed to be able to make dinner for us to eat together when she got home from work. 

When my kids were younger, they had to make their own lunches and do other things around the house, too.   Now that they are older, I find that when I the opportunity to serve them in that way, it blesses me.  It is just another way for me to show them that I love them and still love to take care of them. 

Any Changes?

As we prepare to bring more children into our home, Alan and I have been discussing guidelines once again.  Will we do things the same as when our other four children were growing up, or are there changes to be made?  We will most likely be adopting at least one teenager, so how do we give guidelines that may be different than what they previously had?  We have been talking through cell phones, texting, and facebook.  We seem to both be on the same page with these things, but I think it will be tricky to give a bunch of guidelines to a teenager who is brand new in our home.  I kind of think we will need to gradually do it, but I am not sure. 

As for cell phones, we are pretty set on the fact that you don't ever need one unless you are driving.  That opinion hardly made us the cool parents before and I am pretty sure it won't now.  I think texting may want to be avoided all together for quite a while.  It has proven to be a very easy way for inappropriate discussions to take place. 

Any thoughts?  When did you let your kids have a facebook?  How much internet time do you allow?  How much television?  What is your opinion of cell phones and kids? 

Although these issues are issues that Alan and I need to have covered together, I know that our kids will need love and support the most.  The other things will come, but the love and stability will make us a family. 

On the Same Page

If I am to be honest, Alan and I are so very different.  I know that is not shocking to anyone who knows both of us.  If we make a list at any given time of the things that are our top five priorities (as far as things that need to be done), our lists would vary greatly.  Alan thinks I stress about silly details too much and I think he ignores them too much which makes me stress more;-) 

As we have gone through the steps of becoming home study ready, we have talked a lot.  It is so crucial that we are on the same page and have the same or similar priorities for this.  This is big.  We had a conversation the other day about getting the beds put up and all that goes with that so that the bedrooms are ready.  We actually were in total agreement! 

I don't say that to say that Alan and I disagree a bunch.  As far as parenting goes, we always back each other up and think so much alike.  In general, things that need to be done in the house, though, have us on different pages.  The fact that we were totally in agreement is one more affirment from God that He is instructing us to walk this path. 

I guess I need lots of reminders or at least I appreciate it every time God reminds me. 

When?

Yesterday I made sugar cookies.  I took out my cookbook that I have had since I was first married.  I opened it and all of the sudden, my Mom's cookbook flashed through my mind.  She uses the same one, but hers is an older version.  When I looked at my cookbook as I opened it on the counter, I suddenly saw the wear and tear on the well-worn book, the pages that were no longer attached.  I saw the yellowed page color and the stains from food dripping onto the pages as I cooked another meal or dessert.  When did I become the older mother?  When did I become my Mom? 

Crazy...

Nesting

I have no other way to explain this, except to say that I am nesting.  Does that happen when you are adopting, too?  It has become absolutely necessary for every single thing in our apartment to be organized and in a place that makes sense.  Is that because my world is about to be turned upside down???  Bring it on!!  (and I will have very clean closets as a bonus;-)

The Day

Today is the day that I met Ashleigh Diane.  I was never the same again.  From this day forward, 26 years ago, I was not just Heather.  I was Ashleigh's Mom and I loved it. 

Happy Birthday Ashleigh Diane!!!  I love your passion for life, your loyalty to your family and friends and your desire to be who God wants you to be.  I am so glad you changed my world 26 years ago.

Her Time

This time of year, especially this week, takes me back.  It takes my thoughts back to 26 years ago and a very overdue pregnant 18-year-old.  The doctor was concerned that I was overdue and told me to go get a non-stress test.  My due date was September 6th.  Well, I was a non-tylenol-taking kind of girl, so I just assumed that I did not want to get a stress test.  I also declined getting ultrasounds with my first two babies because I thought there were risks to the baby.  I guess the doctor should have thought to explain to me why I needed the non-stress test and what exactly it was.  I just went back home.  The next week, the doctor was a little more emphatic that I HAD to go right to the hospital and get the test done and explained a bit more to me about why it was necessary.  Since I was so young, I was sailing on unchartered waters and figuring things out as I went along.  So, off for the test, we went.  The baby was great, but they gave me a specific date.  If the baby didn't come by Monday, I would be induced. 

So, I went outside and played badmitten and I walked around to try to encourage this baby to come.  Alan was away in Great Lakes, IL having just graduated from boot camp just 6 weeks earlier.  He was anxious to come home and his 19-year-old not-knowing-anything-about-pregnancy self thought that I could make myself go into labor.  He would tell me when was a good weekend and tell me to really try.  Silly boy. 

Soon, my whole life would change.....

Hello Bunk Beds

I believe it was just over a year ago that I had a post titled "Bye Bye Bunk Beds".  We had been living with bunk beds for forever it seemed and I was excited to be saying goodbye to them.  Well, as God has made it clear that we are to adopt a sibling group, guess what we are getting ready to put back into our bedrooms??  Yup, bunk beds!  I am so excited to have bunk beds again and to think of the children that will fill them while dreaming at night.  I guess there is a season for everything.  Even bunk beds.  Sometimes there are two seasons for them:-)

The Bubby

One really special thing about this time in our lives is the amount of special time we have spent with Bubby (Davin).  For Davin's entire life, he kept up with our older kids and we took him everywhere and included him in everything.  This time of life is so catered to him, though, and I am enjoying that.  We go to movies that Davin likes.  We take walks together because Davin loves to be outside.  We spend time just hanging out with him and talking with him. 

While we continue to wait for our "new" kids to come home, we will continue to enjoy this time with Bubby. 

A Milestone Met and One Around the Corner

I have been out of blog land:-(  Do you remember when I wrote about struggling with finding a balance with computer time?  Well, my heavenly Father who loves me and knows what is best for me, took care of that.  My laptop broke quite a few weeks ago and although I have access to a desktop, I am leaving it on the floor, so that when I use it I do not get too comfortable:-)  I have missed checking in here, though. 

As of the beginning of September, I have hit my 6 month mark into my new healthy lifestyle!!!  I have been working out 5 days a week consistently for 6 months!!!  For a girl who rarely ever finishes projects, this is a big deal.  I feel so good about it and am hopeful that I have made it such a part of my life that it will stay.  It has been such a blessing to be on this journey with my best friend Alan.  Some mornings we don't even say a word until we are all done, but we are doing it together and I love that.  We have both decided that our very favorite time of the day is 7 am.  That means that we have 23 whole hours to go until we have to start the workout again;-) 

We are about a month away from having a home study complete!!!!  This realization comes complete with both excitement and terror.  Well, maybe not terror, but it is hard to believe in so many ways.  The last things on our list are to get a few safety items for our house and then to get the beds!!!  That's right, the beds for.....the children!!!  Wow!!!  I continue to be in awe of a God who can give such peace as He guides us through this process.  Every time I hear a word that speaks fear into my heart, God takes it and lets me know that He is in control of this.  He already knows what our lives will look like in a year, in ten years, and we don't have to worry. 

He Misses Him

Cheney is back at Wheaton.  He is so excited to be back and so thankful that he has the opportunity to return for his junior year.  Since things were up in the air about him returning, we did not prepare ourselves mentally to say goodbye.  We decided on a Wednesday morning and Alan and Cheney boarded a train for Chicago that night. It was hard.  Davin had gone to bed that night since he still had school the next day.  Cheney went in to lay with Davin for a while and then told Davin that he needed to go take a shower, but would come back.  Davin (who usually goes right to sleep) waited for Cheney to be done.  I went in and asked if Davin would like to get up and sit with Cheney a while.  Davin just pointed to his pillow where he wanted Cheney to lay down.  Cheney hopped in with his brother and laid with him while Davin fell asleep.  I think that is the hardest part for me.  When I watch them together, I feel like my heart is hurting to think of them not being together.

The next night, it was just me and Davin.  Davin had been fine in the morning, but he does not usually see Cheney in the mornings.  After he had been in bed for a while, I went in to check on him since he was still awake and that was odd.  I believe there were tears in his eyes.  I thought my heart would break.  He missed his brother.  It is hard to say goodbye to your  big brother.  Davin had a rough night trying to sleep that night and the next day his teacher wrote me that he looked lost and sad.  Poor Bubby!

Thankfully our Bethany Alyssa arrived here on Friday and we get to enjoy her company for a week and Daddy returned home today:-)

Which Way?

We are having some major problems with Cheney going back to Wheaton this year.  He was all set to head back, but finances are far from situated.  I'm watching a young man try to figure out what to do and be pretty content with whatever way God leads. 

Lord, whatever you have to do in Cheney's life to grow him into the man you want him to be, please do it.  If you can do it at Wheaton, please provide a way.  Please let us be content and know that You are in control. 

Special

Davin has quite a few cousins.  They all love him.  They are all happy to see him.  No doubt about that. 

There is one cousin who has a special relationship with Davin, though.  I got to watch them together this week.  It was priceless.  My boy has had friends through his life, but very few friends who talked to him, included him, and understood him.  Trey is that kind of friend. 

Aside from Cheney, I do not think I have ever seen someone else know that Davin wanted to hold their hand as they were walking beside his chair.  Trey knew.  As soon as Davin reached out his hand, Trey (who is 13 years-old, by the way) took Davin's hand and held it as he walked next to Davin. 

Every day that Trey was here visiting, he made sure he was outside in time to see Davin get off the bus.  He knew how excited Davin was to see him. 

Trey takes the time to figure out what Davin wants to do and he spends time with him.  It is a beautiful thing. 

Friendships for our kids can always be difficult to watch.  We watch our kids be ignored at times, left out at times and treated badly at times.  When you have a child who cannot speak, it happens a lot.  Many times other children just don't know how to include Davin.  I don't know why Trey knows how to do it, but he does and I feel blessed to have watched their relationship this week. 

Can You Tell?

Can you tell Davin is glad to have his cousins here?

We went for a walk tonight and I am pretty sure that most of our town could hear Davin squealing, hollering and laughing:-)

Passing on Some Memories

My sister and I are only 18 months apart in age.  My kids are quite a bit older than hers, though.  My kids grew up with my parents pre-traumatic-brain-injury.  There is a difference. 

When my kids were growing up, my Mom and Dad would come and visit us in upstate NY.  My Dad would always ask for a volunteer to go with him to Wegmans.  Without fail, while in Wegmans, they visited the HUGE bulk candy section and came back with HUGE bags of candy for everyone.  It was special because it was just my Dad and one of my kids at a time going on an adventure.  My Dad still talks about those trips to Wegmans. 

My sister's kids are young enough that most of their memories of my Dad are after his traumatic brain injury.  My Dad no longer has a driver's license, so he can't just take one of my sister's kids to the store or to Burger King or to look at birds in a favorite spot. 

Today I got to take my niece and nephews to Wegmans and show them the HUGE bulk candy section.  It was a big hit.  My Dad wasn't there, but it is still part of his memory.  I called my Dad and left a message letting him know that his grandchildren got to experience Wegmans' candy section.  I know it will bring a smile to his face and now Jen's kids share in this Pop Pop memory just a little bit:-)

The Beach

To me, growing up in New Jersey, the beach is at the ocean.  In upstate New York, the beach is at a lake.  Today we visited a state park and swam in Lake Ontario.

My sister and her kids are here visiting this week:-)

I Will Miss This

I will miss this when Cheney goes back to college.  I love watching the way they love each other.  I love seeing Davin's eyes follow Cheney until Cheney talks to him or goes over to him. 

Hands down, watching my kids' relationships has been one of the best things about being a mom. 

I Have Clearly Lost My Mind

Yesterday in Davin's communication notebook, I got a note saying that he is to be in charge of the limbo at school on Friday.  At first I thought it was because he is non-verbal and they were trying to find a way to include him.  Then, I thought about it and realized that all of the kids in his class are non-verbal and he is just probably the bossiest, so he got the job:-)  His teacher is very funny and loves Davin's sense of humor, so she asked me if Davin had a coconut bra to wear for the limbo contest.  I have clearly lost my mind because I went out today and bought one.

Another Lesson

One morning last week, Davin was not on board with the schedule.  I explained to him why we were on a very tight schedule and exactly what I needed him to do.  He did not feel like doing what I asked.  I was frustrated.  I gave a big speech about how Jesus was not very happy with his behavior and that neither was I.  I went on to add that life does not revolve around Davin and maybe he needs to stop living like it does.  How many times has my Heavenly Father probably had the same thought about me?  Heather, the whole world does not revolve around you, so maybe it is time to stop living like it does. 

I learn so much by teaching my kids.

The Same is GOOD!

Davin and I drove down to NJ yesterday and had his neuro appointment at 8 am this morning.  Now we are already back "home" in NY.  Thank you to all who prayed for our appointment.  I had such peace going to the appointment.  After I spoke with the neuro on the phone about a month ago, I was left wondering if Davin did not actually have CP, but had something that was changing.  Today I had all of my questions answered.

I have never had neurologist that I liked.  Never.  Until today:-)  Today we went in expecting to see the doctor that I spoke with on the phone, but instead we saw a nurse practitioner who was amazing.  She answered all of my questions.  She went over the results of the MRI with me bit by bit and explained everything.  She asked me a couple of different times if I had any additional questions.  She sat next to Davin and rubbed his arm every once in a while, looked in his eyes and smiled at him.  Davin was acting like wild thing, but it was funny. 

Today I learned the underlying cause for Davin's CP and for the severity of his CP.  He has a condition that happened when his tiny little brain was first developing.  The NP said that I probably didn't even know I was pregnant when all of this happened.  There is some possibility that genetics is involved.  The NP is going to speak with the geneticist and let me know if she feels we should dig further. The only reason it matters at all is just for our other children to know.  Finding out anything else does not change anything for Davin. 

And that, my friend, is the good news!!  He is the SAME!!  The things that his MRI showed are not new things.  They are things that happened and all explain his CP.  I am assuming the MRIs are different or this information is different than it was 18 years ago when Davin was diagnosed and had his only other MRI. 

The other cool thing that God did through this is that He let me off the hook.  When other people would talk about kids with disabilities they might say things like "God doesn't make mistakes".  I, of course, know this to be true, but  never felt like it applied to our situation.  Generally CP is a brain injury that happens before, during or right after birth.  When Davin was diagnosed, the wonderful (I jest;-) neurologist told me that there was no reason to investigate why Davin has CP because it would just make someone feel guilty.  Can you guess who took on that guilt?  Yup, that was me.  I was always afraid I had someone hurt Davin or allowed him to be hurt.  Today I am freed of that.  Thank you Jesus. 

By the time I got to the appointment today, I knew that if Davin's condition was getting worse or if it was staying the same, I had the same huge God walking beside me and everything was in His hands.  He has equipped me for the journey so far and He will continue.

My Least Favorite

Davin has a doctor appointment tomorrow with my least favorite kind of doctor.....the neurologist.  Apparently the MRI that he had done in April came back with a lot of abnormalities, etc (which is weird since when he had his first one done, I think the doctor said it was "normal" whatever that meant).  He had not had one done since he was an infant, so we do not know if things look differently or not.  It is not an appointment that I am looking forward to, but I also have peace.  Oh, how these neurologists can rock my world.  If you would pray for me tomorrow, I would appreciate it.  My biggest concern is that I will have wisdom as to if Davin needs to leave the room when the doctor is talking.  There is no reason for Davin to feel badly about himself and I need discernment for the right time, if any, to let my sister take him out with her.  I have peace, but I sure will be glad when it is over. 

Would I?

I live in the world of "different". I live in the world of "doing things another way". I live in the world of "disabilities". I didn't choose to live in this world, though. (and of course, you know I went kicking and screaming as is my usual course:-)




Today I was pondering how I got here versus how many other families get here. I read a lot of blogs about adoptions. There are so many families that choose to live in the world of "different". Would I? If God had not chosen this path for me, would I have been able to choose it for myself?



I am very thankful for the view from here...this world that is slightly different. The perspective is different from here and I am so blessed to be able to see it.

The Best Part

The best part of the morning was the bus pulling up and my friend "A" waving to me!!  "A" happens to sport an extra chromosome and he waves to me most every day when Davin gets dropped off.  For summer school, he is on the bus in the morning, so that was a BONUS!  I am not sure I would recognize "A" if I saw him in person somewhere.  I only see him through the bus' tinted window, but he sure brightens my day:-)

The Fun Continued!

Whew!!  We packed a bunch of fun into one week!!  We finished off the week by taking a family trip to the Corning Glass Museum.  Did you know that kids and teens are free, there??  Fantastic!! 

Even my biggest boy (who wasn't free because he is no longer a teen:-) enjoyed the day and took one of the classes.  Watching Cheney in his class, reminded me of when he was 7 and took an art class.  Head down, concentrating on the task at hand.   Alan took a class, too, and made me a necklace.  I can't wait to get it in the mail!! 

Best part of the trip...spending the day with my best guys! 

Cheney may have bought a special prize for "someone", but sorry I cannot show a picture of that;-)  She sometimes reads this blog and I don't want to ruin the surprise!

When you go to school in the summer, you need to cram a lot of fun into a couple of weeks of summer!!  So, we have been busy doing some fun things with Davin.  In the picture above, Davin is moving a can up a belt to feed a goat that was just waiting and waiting for some food.  Davin is not unhappy here although it does look like he is. 

We went out for dinner to Sticky Lips and enjoyed our boys. 

We picked cherries with our friends that Daddy and big brother later got to enjoy:-) 

Davin pumped water.

It has been so nice to have Davin home for a couple of weeks.  He is enjoying sleeping in and having some lazy days in addition to our busy, fun-filled days!  Tomorrow, we are off to Corning for a visit to the glass museum and Norman Rockwell Museum.  Don't you just love summer?

Doesn't Get Any Sweeter..

It doesn't get any sweeter than watching your littlest boy hold out his hand for your biggest boy to take it and then watching the biggest boy know right away what the littlest wanted and hold his hand while walking down the street. 

Too bad I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. 

Another Difference

Alan and I have been on a journey together.  We are walking the same path, but we walk it quite differently. Our goals are even different, and yet the journey so much the same.  At the beginning of the year, Alan decided he was going to eat healthier.  After much kicking and screaming:-), I jumped on board a couple of months later.  We have been exercising five days a week, we are always looking for ways to get "more cardio", and we eat very differently than we used to.  Fast food has basically been cut from our diet and although we do splurge sometimes, we really think through our choices. 

We have both been loosing weight steadily.  Alan's whole goal in this is to be healthier.  He tells me over and over again that it is NOT about the weight.  It is about his overall health.  I, on the other hand, announce every half a pound shed with my hands up in the air and my knee bowed like I have just won some great prize!  Next, I sent out texts to my girls and my sister.  Alan rarely ever mentions his weight even when I am bugging him to tell me!!  He really believes his philosophy and I really believe mine.  My goal is to weigh a certain amount and I love to see my clothes get looser and try on things that were tight before.  Alan tries to tell me that his clothes always fit that way and there is no difference. 

The best thing about our journey is that we have been doing this together.  We are supportive of each other and feel like we are on the same team.  We are both excited when I buy a new healthy cookbook and give a new recipe a try. 

It sure is nice to have him, even if we are just a little bit different.

All About the Food

Tonight Alan, Davin and I went down to a local fish hatchery and park. Davin quickly caught on (because he is so stinkin smart:-) that some other people were feeding the fish.  He nicely pointed out the fish food dispensers so that his Daddy could get him some to feed the fish.  After that, Davin pointed out every single dispenser even though he was told repeatedly that we were done feeding the fish for the night. 

Because we live in upstate NY, we had to go out for icecream afterwards:-)  I have never lived in a place where going out for icecream was such a way of life.  I love it!

D4D

We just had the 10th annual Duffers for Davin golf tournament.  I am so humbled when I think about the last 10 years and God's provision for Davin to attend intensive physical therapy.  Some of our faithful golfers and sponsors first started with us back when Davin was 9 years old.  We are blessed.