Vacuumitis

I have a couple of issues that come up from time to time.  I can get lost VERY easily.  My strategy when I am lost is to turn down any road that sounds familiar to me.  If I have ever at any time been on the road, my logic tells me that getting on that road will get me closer to home.   I would like to thank Rochester, NY for having a road system that works with my technique.  Unfortunately, Philadelphia, PA does not really work the same way.  

I also have a tiny issue with vacuums.  My Mom has probably had 2 or 3 vacuums and she has been married for almost 50 years.  I cannot count the number of vacuums I have owned.  I know there was a period of about 6 years where I got a new vacuum every single year.  I have had to borrow vacuums because mine was not working.  Alan has fixed each and every vacuum that I have owned many, many times before we finally break down and buy yet another vacuum.  Alan feels like I am the common denominator with the vacuum problems, but things happen.  For many years, I could try to blame it on one of my kids using the vacuum.  (Don't judge;-)  

I feel like I am unfairly judged concerning the vacuum situation in part due to a small incident that happened so very long ago and yet keeps getting brought up over and over again.  One day I had just picked my vacuum up from the repair shop.  (Yes, I have had my vacuums repaired by professionals several times, too.)  I was driving our Suburban and needed to drop the vacuum off at home and head out again with the kids.  Since I was in a hurry, I put the vacuum on our front lawn temporarily and started make a k-turn with the truck.  I forgot that the vacuum was in the way and I ran the vacuum over.  Oops.  I got out and looked at the smashed hose on my canister model and knew this was not going to be easy to explain to Alan.  Not only had he purchased me vacuum after vacuum after vacuum, but we had just paid quite a bit of money to get this one fixed.  

I believe one of my children was quick to let their Dad know what had happened.  (Aren't they so cute when they tattle on their mother?)  Anyway, that day has been pretty hard to live down.  

Yesterday my vacuum was not working, so my very patient husband fixed it for me.   I was pretty excited (I always am because it is so often broken) when I could use the vacuum again since I was doing a lot of deep cleaning.  I hated to even mention to Alan that when I began to use the vacuum, it wasn't picking anything up AGAIN.  

Alan started to take the vacuum apart and I could just see the look in his eyes.  I told him that I didn't want him saying anything to me about something being stuck in there.  (Okay, through the years, there may have been some strange things stuck in the hoses.)  I knew the familiar look in his eye and I just knew I had not sucked up anything odd.  

Alan held up the end of the hose and "someone" had sucked up a plastic knife, still in the plastic, from a fast food restaurant.  Of course, I was blamed immediately even though Alan had vacuumed the day before.  Next thing I knew, the whole "car running over the vacuum" incident came up, blah, blah, blah.  

By the way, if you have ever accidentally run over your vacuum, could you please leave me a comment?  Alan said if I can find one person who has done it, he will let that story go.  

The Biggest Sister's Perspective

The following is from Ashleigh.  She had just turned seven when Davin was born and was still seven when we learned that Davin had cerebral palsy.  She has held him while he was seizing, stood up for him, and taken care of the entire tribe when Alan and I would go out on dates.  It never seemed a burden to her to have a little brother who was maybe a little different than other little brothers. 

When Ashleigh writes of her and Bethany and Cheney's protective nature with Davin, it is no joke.  I won't go into detail, but there could have been an incident where a younger child was in some hot water with my bigger kids and we decided that from then on, we would drive them to school instead of them riding the bus;-)
 

Here are her words....

When my Mom asked me to write how it was growing up with a sibling who had special needs, I didn't know what I could possibly write. I remember when Davin was born, but I honestly don't remember my parents telling us that he had cerebral palsy or how I reacted. At that point it didn't matter. Davin was my brother and he would forever be that to me no matter what label was placed on him.

 My other siblings and I wanted Davin to be around us for everything and that's what we tried to do. If we thought Davin could do it with us, he was right there next to us. We would drag him downstairs to watch TV with us,we would put him in the laundry basket and push him around, we would lay him on the trampoline and fling him around. We treated him the same as we would any other sibling. We didn't baby him because that's just not how we roll in the Hester family.

 All 3 of us other siblings are very protective of Davin. We grew up hearing lots of different things when we went out and we all knew when that happened we would give “the look”. Davin is the youngest and is in a wheelchair, so we felt like we had to step up our game. I remember that we would all get so mad if anyone ever said anything about him or to him even if it was just a curious little child who had no idea. I would always think, "What kind of parents do they have where their parents have not taught them that God made us all different? And how rude and hurtful it can be to stare or point at people who don't look the same as you."

 Growing up, I felt bad for those kids because they didn't have a Davin in their lives. I never thought of it as a hardship being his sister, having to give him baths, feeding him when my parents were away or just laying in bed reading him a book. Davin was considered normal to us kids because that's what we grew up with. Everyone else looking in saw something different, but to us it was all we ever knew and we wouldn't have traded it for the world. Davin changed our family and our hearts without us even realizing it. All of us kids have a different relationship with each other and none of us are the same, but I believe because of Davin it brought us all closer together. We may all live in different states now, but we love each other and the bond that the four of us have will never be broken.

I'm Working On...

I have realized lately that I do a lot of "eye rolling".  Yup.  Eye rolling!!  So, this week, my goal has been to not roll my eyes.  So far, I think I have slipped once and also made some rather strange faces to keep myself from allowing my eyes to roll;-) 

Davin - An Insider's Look

The following is what my son, Cheney Alan, wrote.  Cheney is just 21 months older than Davin, so he knows nothing different than having a brother who has "a little problem" (a quote from 3 year-old Cheney:-).  He is also the brother who as a 4 or 5 year-old started carrying his little brother downstairs so they could watch cartoons on Saturday mornings.  He promised when he was little that when Davin was big, he would find him a wife and if he didn't, they would just live together like the Baldwin Sisters from The Waltons.  (Love that!)  He wondered if Davin was faking being disabled so he could get new toys.  (At that point, therapists were always bringing toys to the house to do Davin's PT and OT.)  As a teenager, his youth pastor watched Cheney scoop a crying Davin out of his chair in front of the other teens.  As a young adult, he came to Alan and I and asked that he be Davin's legal guardian if we cannot do it.  He always thought he knew what Davin was thinking and he probably did.  Davin can still convince his 21 year-old brother to sleep with him.  He just points to the pillow where Cheney is to lay his head.  I have walked in to see Cheney barely on the bed with a little brother tucked all the way under his armpit.  Lest you think he is perfect, he also tied a small Davin to the bed with a Batman rope Davin's first night in his big boy bed.  It seems that Davin was fine with it until his brother left the room leaving him dangling in between the ladder of the bunk bed. 

Cheney and Davin's relationship is probably the one that I mourned the most.  I knew what my sister and I had.  I knew what special relationship my two girls had.  My boys were born 21 months apart and I wanted that same kind of relationship for them.  God has shown me something much more beautiful than I had envisioned.  I had such limitations on relationships.  God didn't.  To say that my boys adore each other is an understatement. 

These are Cheney Boy's words...

Growing up with a disabled brother has allowed me the opportunity to see life from a different perspective.  He has given me traits that I would not normally have developed.  The ability to understand people without speech.  My brother does not speak but that does not in any way keep him from communicating.  My brother has taught me that sometimes you just need to enjoy the little things in life.  Like sitting on the couch with someone you love watching TV or even just looking outside the window.  From a very young age I've known the feeling of someone who depended upon me.  I have known compassion and understanding for people in different places than I am.  My brother has enabled me to have so much that I feel it is literally the least I could do to help him with whatever he needs for as long as he needs it.

From a Big Sister

I asked my older kids if they would write something about their journey as a sibling with a special needs brother.  Maybe you are at the beginning of your journey with your special needs blessing and can use some encouragement.  Is Davin's relationship with his siblings exactly as I always pictured it would be?  No.  Is it amazing?  Yes. 

This is from Bethany, one of the biggest blessings God ever gave me.....

 

When I think of Davin I think of his smile, I think of how he is the happiest, most endearing person I have ever met, how his smile lights up the room and draws people to him. When I see him I see someone who makes me laugh and loves to be a twirp. I don't notice Davin's wheelchair, or all of the differences that the world may see. When I look at Davin, I see my brother, I see one of my best friends, I see someone who I would do anything for. Growing up with a disabled brother changes the way that you look at people and the way you see life. Davin has given me a greater appreciation for my abilities, and also a greater appreciation for the little things. Davin has taught me to help stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves. He has given me a heart for people who may appear to be somehow different from what we consider normal. Growing up with a brother with a disability has been a true gift. While I may not have picked this life for my baby brother, God knew just what He was doing. He truly works all things together for good. I have watched Davin touch so many lives, in ways I would never be able to. Davin has been an inspiration not only to me, but to nearly everyone he comes in contact with. Of course there have been times where I wished he could run outside and play with me, or I wished that I could hear him talk to me, but then I think about the way he screams when I pretend to steal his yogurt, or how he will continue to yell and point to me when he wants to sit down on the floor with me, and I remember that I do hear him talk. It may not be the conventional way of communicating, but Davin has a unique way of talking to each member of our family. We all have a different connection and relationship with Davin and I wouldn't change mine for the world.

Check It Out

If you have never read Adeye's blog, you are missing something.  She has a heart for children, orphans and in particular orphans with special needs.  If you scroll down far enough, you might even recognize someone:-)

Bad Teenager:-)

I have come to realize some things as I have gotten older.  I am NOT the fun parent.  I never have been and I don't think I ever will be.  I have fun with my kids, but I am not generally the one to think of the crazy fun things to do.  That is Alan.  He is the fun parent. 

I am however FUNNY.  My kids know it because I TELL them!!!  (Just to be sure they know.) 

Yesterday I asked Davin if I was funnier than his Dad and he shook his head (repeatedly) NO!!  What??  Then, he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.  I again asked the question.  Maybe he did not realize what I was saying and thought I was asking if I was funner than Dad.  Nope.  Same response.  Complete with the laughter at the end.  Hmph!!! 

A Little Time

Sometimes I can go with the flow.  Other times, I need some time to wrap my head around things.  I have learned over the years that giving myself that time is okay.  It's not whimpy and doesn't make me weak to take time to sort things out, process them and feel sad if I need to. 

My Cheney Boy left yesterday and headed "home" to NJ.  Just a few short weeks ago, we learned that everything was working out perfectly.  Our move back to NJ was scheduled for the middle of June.  We would spend the summer with Chey.  I began turning my attention away from our temporary living quarters here to my "home" in NJ.  I started thinking about the changes I would make, what colors I will paint the walls and where I would arrange furniture.  I had a timeline in my head for when things would get done. 

I contacted schools, told our pediatrician and the hardest thing of all, told the bus drivers that we would be moving in June.

The middle of last week, Alan's boss decided that we needed to stay here longer.  Wasn't it their idea for us to move in June???  Yup.  It was. 

So, our perfectly timed move is now not looking so perfect.  Of course, we have a car and will be shuffling back and forth to NJ so we can see our Cheney Boy (and Ashleigh, Kevin and Bethany, too:-), but it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. 

To top things off, the adoption process has me baffled.  We have been actively pursuing adoption for well over a year now.  We have made it a priority and yet our beds remain unfilled.  I am not waiting for a baby.  I am looking to have children that are hard to place.  I feel so ready. 


I do not like to feel discouraged and yet I am. 

If You Think...

If you think that you have to be verbal to talk back, you are wrong. 

If you think you cannot be willfully defiant because you are in a wheelchair, you are wrong.

Did Davin and I have an "incident" this morning?  Perhaps;-)

Renee

I don't know if I have any right to be so proud of her, but I am.  She is not technically my daughter yet, but in so many ways she already is.  Cheney's fiancee Renee graduated from Wheaton College on Sunday with her Bachelor of Science in Chemistry with certification in ACS BioChem.  Are you impressed?  I am!  She is not only super smart, but she is a sweet, sweet girl with a heart for Jesus.

Next up for Renee, Pharmacy School and then marriage!!! 

We are so proud of you Renee and are so thrilled that you are part of our family!

Are they not just the cutest?  And, do you notice the bling on her finger?  ;-)

I Would Have Missed This

Almost two years ago, we had a big decision to make.  Alan had been working in Rochester for almost a year and his temporary job had been extended for another year.  It would be a temporary move and to a very familiar place, but one thing was very different....we now had grown children.  They would not be coming with us.  I had a choice to make. 

I think Alan would have continued commuting if that is what I needed him to do, but I knew what the answer needed to be.  I needed to choose Alan.  I needed to say yes to going with him, even without the rest of our family.  It was a really hard decision and one that I wasn't sure I could go through with.  I know that God comes first and then Alan comes next, but in practice sometimes he gets shoved behind the kids. 

This was the time for me to show him that he is my priority.  This was the time for me to be a good example of a godly wife to our grown children and follow their Dad to Rochester.  It was hard.  Very hard. 

The rewards that I have gained from this past year and a half are many.  How many people get a "break" in the middle of their lives to regroup, reconnect and reorganize.  We have spent some wonderful time together as a couple.  With only having one boy in the house again, we have evenings to be together once again.  We have spent a ton of time with Davin Boy.  We have gone on lots of walks.  We have gone out for ice cream.  We have visited the touristy places in our area.  We have lost weight.  We have been exercising for 14 months.  We have grown spiritually.  We have bonded with our kids through many phone calls.  We have been blessed. 

If I said no, I would have missed all of this. 

He's Coming

Cheney finishes up his semester at college this week.  That means he is coming HOME!!  I am beyond excited and yet there are also many bittersweet things about this summer. 

This week I will get his room ready.  I will make sure he knows he is loved and he is wanted here.  Davin and I will talk about all of the things we will do when Brother is home.  We will plan to go to Sticky Lips together.  Maybe we can convince him to go with us to Niagara Falls, too. 

While I am getting his room ready, I will not forget that this is the last summer that my boy will come home to our home.  Next year, I will share (I know it is more of a hand-off, but I thought share implied that I was gladly doing it and not trying to get rid of him;-) one of my most prized possessions with a sweet young woman named Renee.  Next summer, he will go home to THEIR home after their wedding at the beginning of June. 

I know this is what we prepare them for their whole lives.  We want them to find the person who is their other half and who they can make a fabulous life with.  Somehow, it is still hard.  So, I will find my list of a thousand things to do for the last time before my baby boy gets married;-)  He will probably go along with most of them because he is sweet like that. 

And a Hush Falls Over the Crowd....

Davin making his way down court.

...literally, ever single person on the court (both players and their partners) were completely silent as they waited so patiently for Davin to decide who he would like to pass the basketball to:-) 

Davin joined a Special Olympics basketball team in our town 2 weeks ago.  It has been so fun to go and watch them practice.  The kids have varied levels of basketball abilities, but they are all so encouraging and patient with one another.  I love to watch them. 

Davin seemed nervous when we first walked in last week.  I had already explained to him that he would have a partner who would help him around the court.  He quickly made the decision that person was NOT to be me.  That is okay.  I can take it:-) 

Yesterday he was much more comfortable and was getting the hang of a few things.  (The boy has sat through quite a few basketball games in his life!)  Our goal for yesterday was to try to concentrate on trying a little bit harder to help to pass the ball or put it into the basket. 

How did we do on our goal?  Well...it is good to have goals;-)

The post scrimmage huddle.

It's Risky

Adoption is risky.  Adoption through foster care is full of unknowns.  Children don't end up without their parents without some kind of trauma to their young lives. 

The last couple of weeks, I have had serious doubts.  It just didn't seem there was a way for God to come through.  It seemed impossible. 

Because God is good all the time, he spoke to my heart specifically through my Bible study every single day this week.  (From Captivated by God, Women of the Word series) "First, God wants us to trust Him for impossible situations in our lives, and then He wants us to depend on Him entirely.

There are so many risks, so many unknowns and so many chances for my heart to be broken in this whole process.  Our kids are worth every. single. risk.  I am ALL IN. 

Afraid to Love by Matthew Hammitt~


Afraid to love, something that could break,


Could I move on, if you were torn away?

I'm so close to what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart, and pray it makes you whole



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing every fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



I won't let sadness steal you from my arms

I won't let pain keep you from my heart

Trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I share with you

You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start

Right Now I am Loving...

sparkly pencils
talking about adoption
listening to Cheney's excitement about his upcoming wedding
getting phone calls from Ashleigh and listening to her taking care of the twins that she nannies for
anything Davin brings home from school that he has made (even if I am not sure what it is)
my pink Kindle cover (never read with my Kindle, but now I have a pink case and suddenly, I love it)
talking about weight loss/fitness/nutrition
7am (that is the time of day when our workout is wrapping up and I have 23 hours until I have to do it again)
purple
knowing that I have new windows in my house even though I haven't seen them yet
getting phone calls from my Bethany telling me about her day
that Davin was so sad when his Dad was leaving last night for a meeting
my Bible Study on Thursday nights
frozen yogurt
Friday morning talks with my dear friend
watching Alan scoop Davin up so he can sit with him
knowing that Cheney Boy will be home for the summer in a couple of weeks!!
working on a new color scheme for my living room/dining room

Friends Forever

A couple of weeks ago, I had a lunch date with a dear friend and two of her little granddaughters.  It is amazing what a couple of little girls can do to boost your spirits for weeks.  To start off, one of them mentioned to her grandmother that I was pretty.  The other one told me that I was nice.  I figured the day could hardly get any better than that.  I was already bouncing around on a cloud.  At the end of our lunch, before walking out the door, one of the girls told us to put all of our hands in together and shouted "Friends Forever"!!  It just got better!!!  I left there amazed what a couple little encouraging words could do to encourage me for days and days. 

I went home and recommended to Alan that he try it with his team at work.  (He did not feel led to follow my advice.)  I told my sister that she and her co-worker should do it in the nurse's office where she works.  (They laughed about it, but didn't do it.)  I told my Bible study girls and we did it before leaving for the night!! 

Why not end every gathering with a "Friends Forever" cheer??  Try it!!

Mexico Pictures

Better late than never??  ;-) 

Obedience

Over the last week, I have mulled some things over.  Reality has settled in.  I never expected it to take this long for us to begin to be matched up with kids.  It is discouraging.  It is frustrating.  I could be mad that the process took so long. 

I could be, except I KNOW that my God has a plan for all of our lives.  My kids who are not yet home, as well as our biological family.  God was so clear in leading us.  He will continue to lead, but I am disappointed.  I can feel it more and more as I process things.  I feel ready.  We have done the work to prepare.  Where are our kids? 

If we move from here soon, (which looks probable) we will have to start the whole process all over again (says NJ).  So what have we gained by doing all of this??

We did what God told us to do.  That has to be enough.

The Plan?

God is in it.  I know He is.  He has not filled me in on all of the details, however.  But, you know what?  He doesn't have to.  My job is to be obedient. 

We have been pursuing the adoption of a sibling group (not one in particular) for a year now.  We received our home study one week ago today.  Presently, our lease is till the end of June.  Alan and I are trying to decide how long we should try to extend it.  Maybe the end of September?  Or December?  Or are we just trying to give God more time that He doesn't need because He knows how this is all going to play out.  He knows that Cheney is coming home to NJ for his last summer as a single college student and that this Momma's heart can't miss all of that.  God also knew that NJ was going to say that no part of our home study will transfer.  Not even our classes.  We will have to be in NJ to start the process all over again if we leave here without adopting.  We have felt very strongly this is what we were to be doing.  In the end, nothing else is important except that we obey.  I believe we are doing that. 

Praying that God will continue to guide us in these murky and yet exciting waters. 

Now There is Too Much to Write...

I have been away from blogging for such a long time now and in the past few days have come on to try to catch up on some of your lives.  Now, as I try to come up with a post for today, I feel so far behind and think there is way too much to say. 

*Alan and I went away by ourselves for 11 days at the end of February/beginning of March.  We celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary and also a year of regular exercise, changing our diet and steady weight loss.  Bethany and Cheney stayed with Davin (who was sick for much of the time:-( and we are so thankful for kids who love us and are happy for us to get away.

*Our home study came in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are still sooo many decisions to be made and plans to work out, but God is in control of it all and we are so happy to have that magic report in our hands:-)

*You saw pictures from Cheney's proposal:-)  I go back and forth between being so excited about the whole thing and then mourning my baby boy leaving our nest.  So many emotions.  He could not be cuter, though and we are really thrilled.  There are just times when it hits me... like when he is talking to me about his wedding ring and suddenly I can't breathe anymore. 

*I kidnapped Bethany and Rocky and had them with us here for a little over a week.  I think I was very close to convincing Bethany to stay up here, but she was just accepted on a team to go on a missions trip to Africa in the summer!!!! so there is much to do with that and unfortunately for me, she will have to be in NJ for that. 

*Ashleigh continues to rock her classes and is on her way to getting her personal trainer certification.  I am so proud of all of the long hours and dedication she puts in.  Of course, there is also that little job she has taking care of 2 two-year-olds all day long:-) 

*Davin Boy had a talent show on Friday.  Of course, he was amazing!! 

*Some work is being done at our house in NJ to prepare for more people living there in the near future!!!  That is exciting!!! 

No Words

Blind??

Tonight, Davin was sitting on Alan's lap.  Alan must have rubbed Davin's face with his scruff and accidentally rubbed in Davin's eye.  I wasn't watching what was happening since I was on the phone, but all of the sudden, I saw Davin's eyes shut, his face turn red and he was about to burst into tears.  I told my sister I would call her back and ran over to Davin.  Alan explained he thought he scratched his eye.  Davin sat there with his eyes closed for many minutes (Davin cannot keep his eyes closed on purpose generally.  If ever he can, he loves it and pretends he is asleep and then laughs).  I got a wet washcloth to see if it would help it feel better.  He hated the wash cloth.  So, we sat there and waited until he felt like he could open his eye so I could look at it.  I am envisioning a doctor appointment or something.  Then, Davin throws his head back with his eyes closed and starts throwing his arms out wildly in front of him like he now has to feel his way because he is blind.  Then, comes the giggle.  Since he hurt his eye and could control having them shut (it really was red and it was tearing up), he figured he would play a little joke.  He thought he might pretend that he was blind.  What a funny guy.  I called my sister back and explained what had happened while Davin listened intently with a huge smile on his face:-) 

True Love

I am taking a guess by assuming that when Alan and I got married one week after my 18th birthday, there were probably bets as to how long we would last.  We were young, but we knew a secret.  The feelings might not always be there, but the commitment, the true love can be.  We made a commitment before God to continue to love each other.  That is an action, it is a verb.  We have not always done it beautifully, but we are in this for the long haul, and truthfully, most of it has been a joy. 

Happy Valentine's Day to my Alan Scott!  I love you and am so glad that God chose you for me. 

Maybe You?

When Davin was diagnosed, it was crushing.  I felt like I was literally just broken into pieces.  The "perfect" family that I thought I had was now ruined (or so I thought).  I was scared, I was overwhelmed and I had no idea what I was in for.  Then the equipment started invading our house.  First, a corner chair came.  Then, a stander and later an adaptive stroller.  This different world was taking over my house, my life. 

If I had gotten to choose my life (or what I thought was the perfect life), I would have missed out on so very much.  I would have missed out on the blessings that God brings our way because of the path He chose for us.  I would have missed a sweet note from a man that we met several months ago as he described how Davin has touched his life.  I would have missed so much. 

I can imagine that the thought of having a child who is so dependent on you might seem scary.  I thought it was scary, too, once upon a time.  You might look at me and think it is great that I do it, but that you could never have the patience, love or endurance to do it.  Or maybe you do have what it takes. 

Today I got an email from a woman who shared information about a little boy who is waiting for a forever family.  He is 5 years old and was born with cerebral palsy just like Davin was.  His story is different, though.  He is living in a children's hospital and has been there for his entire life.  His birth family is not able to care for him at home and have made the loving decision to allow him to be adopted so that he can go HOME.  I watched the video of Alex here and my heart melted.  He appears to be so happy.  I can't even imagine how he will blossom living in a home with a family.  What are you missing out on by not being his Mom? 

Check out the website and see this adorable little boy who has so much to give a family.  His smile and laugh are absolutely beautiful.  If you would like more information about sweet Alex, please contact Debra.  

Little Dabin

Ashleigh is a nanny for 2 year-old twin girls.  They have done a couple of things with Davin and I and talk about Davin now or really they say "Dabin".  Right before Christmas, the girls came over with Ashleigh and we all made cookies together.  We had such a fun day.  During the day, the girls were playing with a school bus toy and we gave it to them.  It is one that has a ramp and has some little people that go with it.  Ever since they got the bus home, the girls began calling one of the little people "Dabin":-)  It is always the same one and both girls always call that one particular little dark-skinned boy "Dabin".  It is adorable.  The other little people are just boy or girl.  Cracks me up!

My Firstborn Boy

He is 21 today.  My baby Cheney Alan as we used to call him, and perhaps once in a while, I still do;-)  I loved every minute of watching him grow up - even the ones where I was tempted to close my eyes with all of his dare devil tricks.  Now he is a man.  He has plans and goals and has found some other woman to love (thankfully I love her, too:-). 

Happy Birthday Cheney Alan Scott!!  I am so proud of the man that you have become and can't wait to see what God continues to do in your life. 

He is in the Detail Business

I love that God is a God of details.  He gave me such an uneasy feeling about the dentist and having to put Davin under sedation to have his teeth clean.  Yesterday my friend Pam (who happened to clean his teeth when we lived here 8 years ago) did an amazing job cleaning his teeth and the dentist was as wonderful as before also.  So, instead of driving 6 hours on Thursday, having Davin put under in a strange hospital on Friday and driving 6 more hours on Saturday...we drove 3 minutes from our apartment and took a little time while Davin got more and more comfortable and got the same results.  He has very clean and sparkly teeth now.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the whole thing. 

I Have to Do My Job

*DISCLAIMER:
When I first wrote this, I was mad and that anger turned into self-righteousness.  So, I took this post down.  Now after a few days of praying and thinking, I think I can put it back up with my heart right.  I have also been convicted that I very often say things that I don't think through.  I do pray that it now comes across to readers in the right way.  I wanted to write about my job as Davin's mom.  I don't want to bash someone else.  By the way, the person who posted the quote, wrote me a very sweet note and I harbor no bad feelings at all toward that person. 
The quote read something like this...

"Playing for the Giants (or whatever team they were talking about.  I have no clue, really) is kind of like running in the Special Olympics.  Even if you win, you are still retarded."

I read that on facebook and my blood began to boil.  I am not easily offended.  I rarely say something in opposition to what someone else writes or thinks.  But, there are those times, when something just rises up within me and I feel led to speak, to remind, to stand up.  I felt that way.  I wrote a comment....

"I can't begin to tell you how offensive this is to me:-("

I wrote it and I panicked a bit.  Should I keep it there?  Was I stirring up trouble?  There were already quite a few likes on it and also some comments, "YES!" and "AMEN".  I also totally know that the individual who posted this picture and phrase was not intentionally trying to hurt me or my boy (and took it down immediately after seeing my comment, I think).  I know that.  I know some of the people who liked it and I know they were not trying to hurt me.  Maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe my job is not to be the police for all that is unjust concerning people who have mental or physical disabilities. 

I prayed and I pondered.  Maybe that IS my job.  Did I ask to be a Mom of a child with a severe disability?  No.  Did God ordain me to have Davin Bruce and created him exactly the way he is?  Yes!!  That IS my career.  That is my job.  That is my mission.  When I take Davin into the grocery store and he holds my list and we talk together, I am showing the world how "normal" people with disabilities are.  When I take my son into Kohl's and laugh while he tries to grab the bras, I am showing people how "very normal" teenagers are who happen to have disabilities.  People learn.  Maybe only a little, but the people around us are learning from him.  From me. 

Slavery seems pretty distant when I think about how long people in our country have known that that is not right.  Segregation, however, seems very recent.  If no one had said anything in opposition to slavery and then to segregation, would anything have changed?  I think I see it the same.  It is one or more people groups being declared to be lesser than by another people group.  Not. cool.  Not. right.  Not. true.  Just as we all know now that the color of your skin does not define your worth, I KNOW that the level of your intelligence does not define your worth.  We were created in the image of Christ.  THAT defines our worth. 

I think God called me to this as my career.  What is the name of this career?  Not sure.  Is it the best career ever?  Yup. 

Just a Bad Feeling

Davin has had a lot of dental trauma.  We recently were referred to a new dentist who was going to look at him and see if they could give him a new front tooth one way or another.  Our referring dentist (who was a pediatric dentist specializing in special needs kids) told us that from now on, we would be the patient of the new dentist because they would be doing the work on Davin and that wouldn't be right to go there and then come back. 

Well, Davin and I went to his appointment at the new dentist and they didn't understand why we had waited to get the work done (because the last dentist told us to!) and didn't seem to understand what we needed from him.  I explained that Davin needed a dentist:-)  (He does have teeth after all, even if he is missing one.)  At the end of the visit, the dentist declared that Davin was very hesitant about being looked at by a dentist (I was shocked!  LOL) and that we should put him under anesthesia and go in and clean his teeth really good and take x-rays that way.  They called us and gave us an appointment for the end of January. 

I intended to go to this appointment.  Davin does need his teeth cleaned, but from my very first dealings with this new dentist, I didn't have a good feeling.  When Davin went into the waiting room, he was very uneasy and I was not impressed with the people there for some reason.  They were rude or anything.  Just a bad feeling.  Now I was going to let them put my child to sleep in a hospital that I did not know anything about.  The more I thought about calling to set up the pre-admission testing, the less comfortable I was with it. 

Finally today I decided we would find a new dentist and get his teeth cleaned with him wide awake just like we have been doing for his whole life.  No real reason.  Just a bad feeling.

Time Changes Things

When Davin was diagnosed, I was crushed.  I mean literally crushed.  It seemed like my whole entire world was altered forever.  Even when we don't mean to, as parents, we have an idea of what we want the future to be like.  In general, we want our kids to be the smartest, most kindest, and of course, most beautiful people ever.  I pictured the place that Davin would take as the little brother of our Hester clan.  I pictured him running around shortly after he turned one just like his siblings had done. 

When I first found out that Davin had CP, we thought it was mild and that he probably would walk.  That part of it was so important to me.  I even reached a compromise with God.  (Okay, he never agreed to it;-)  I told God that it was okay that Davin was going to do things slower, but I would like him to crawl by a certain time and walk by a certain time.  (I literally did this.)  I gave God extra time.  I felt like I was being fair. 

A friend of mine who knew her daughter would never walk, discussed with me about getting Davin a wheelchair.  I told her that Davin was expected to walk and that I would carry him around as long as I had to so that we would not have to have a wheelchair for him.  At that point, I saw the wheelchair as the enemy - the spoiler of my plans.  If I placed my baby boy in a wheelchair, I was giving up my dream.  I was giving up hope for him. 

This past Thursday, I met with Davin's teacher and therapists to get ready for his IEP meeting in March.  While we were talking about a lot of different aspects of Davin's life, I realized how much I have changed.  My heart has changed.  God has changed me and I have been blessed by allowing Him to do so. 

When I was crushed with the diagnosis, I could not see a fabulous life without walking and talking and Davin doing things for himself.  Almost 19 years later, I see so much more.  Instead of me deciding who Davin was going to be, God decided who he was going to be. 

We discussed what happens after high school for Davin.  Instead of mourning that my boy won't go to college, I can see so many possibilities for him.  As I shared with Davin's teachers some ideas that I have, they jumped on board.  I don't see Davin's limitations so much anymore, even though I know they are there.  I see his strengths.   I know that Davin can go into a day program that is run like his high school program and he can be very happy there.  But, Davin has huge strengths.  He is a people person.  His people skills without language are amazing.  If he goes to a day program, he is receiving and I know he is giving, too, but can he use his gifts elsewhere and give more?  Maybe.  It is exciting to think about.  Maybe God will use Davin and I in some kind of ministry.  Maybe we can give some awareness to churches that they don't have now.  Maybe Davin can be a greeter someplace and make connections there. 

I am so thankful that God changed my heart, but I am also forever grateful that He gave me time.  He knows I like baby steps and He loves me enough to change me just a little bit at a time.  Maybe he didn't agree to my compromise, but He has given me so much more.  Walking?  Not that big of a deal when you have a sweet toxic green wheelchair to ride around in:-)  Touching people's lives like my boy has done?  That is a big deal.

Misunderstood?

Today Alan and I went shopping to get Alan a pair of jeans.  He tried on several and as he came out and showed me one pair, I told him that the girls will really like them!!  After he walked back into the fitting room, I realized that what I said might sound a bit funny to the young men standing nearby me:-)  So, maybe next time, I need to say your daughters will really like them instead!!

Home Study Update

We are still waiting (patiently????) for our case worker to complete her part of the home study.  She needs to get the written home study to us and then we make changes and then we are ready!  From that point, we can start to inquire about sibling groups.  We have one sibling group that we are all very interested in, but we can't ask questions without the complete home study.  Unfortunately, we have been at this exact same point for about 2 months now.  I felt so patient for so long and now I am having a harder time. 

We are talking about our kids out there somewhere waiting for us, their forever family.  It is kind of a big deal.

When?

I heard someone mention "caregivers" the other day.  I supposed I fit into that category.  When did that happen?  When are you just a parent and then when does that crossover and you turn into the "caregiver"?  The answer is definitely not when your child can't do the usual self help skills when they are supposed to.  Davin couldn't dress himself or feed himself when he was eight years-old, but I was still a Mom, not a caregiver.  Hmmm....

I can just add that to my list....mother/legal guardian/caregiver.  It just makes him more mine and I am good with that:-)

Reason #4,698

Just another reason why I love him.  When this happened...

(as he was leaning back to check the water temperature for Davin's bath that was at least half 1/3 full), he simply smiled and said, "Well, I guess I am glad I just took my wallet out of my pocket." 

Just so everyone knows, Alan is aware that I am sharing this story with a picture:-)

She's 70!

She didn't have the best childhood.  She remembers sitting in bars as a child waiting for her parents to be done.  There were things she did not know the truth about until she was a grandmother, even down to not knowing her Mom's real first name.  She made the very best of it.  Her only brother became a product of what having a hard life so often does to a person.  She didn't.  She may not have had the best example (although there were some awesome adults in her life as a child), but she became a wonderful example of a godly mother.  Sometimes I take it for granted that my Mom was a Christian, and then I think about what the odds were that she would be who she is today.  I am in awe of her. 

I have my Christian heritage because she chose to follow Christ and take her two little girls to church always.  She did not have the support of a husband in her faith.  She had to be the spiritual leader on her own.  She prayed and stayed in the Word and eventually saw my Father come to Christ.  Her life has been such an example. 

I am who I am today because of who she is and who she was. 

On Friday, my Mom turned 70!  I can hardly believe it.  We had a party for her with all of her children and grandchildren present.  She got a way cool ipad2 and we made her a book with a letter from each of us telling her what she means to us.  It was a wonderful day.  It was so good to celebrate the woman who has celebrated me for my whole life. 

P.S. My one complaint would be that it would have been nice if my Mom had given me her "no-gray-hairs and don't dye my hair even though I am now 70" genes.  I am just saying it would have been nice.  Also, it is not nice when your mother is much thinner than you are and therefore you have to workout and lose weight;-) 

Happy Birthday Mom!!!!  You are the best!!!

Admitting It is the First Step

For the last 8 1/2 months I have worked so hard to change my health and my body.  I have changed how much I eat, what I eat and how often I eat.  I have worked out five days a week nearly every single week.  It has been a gradual change that I have seen, but I feel so good about the progress that I have made.  I feel good that I am not starting tomorrow like usual:-)  But.....then......Davin had his birthday.  I ordered him a cake from a fabulous bakery.  I LOVE a good bakery cake.  I adore butter cream icing. 

The day of Davin's birthday, I had a couple of pieces.  One was very small, by the way:-)  Then, the next day, I had two more pieces.  After that, I realized I was eating way too many calories.  So, I did what any reasonable lover-of-butter cream-icing would do.  I started eating the icing only and ditching the cake down the garbage disposal.  Oh my.  Things were going downhill fast.  I told Alan about my brilliant idea of just eating the icing and saving myself the calories of the cake.  He seemed more concerned than impressed. 

Finally yesterday, I admitted, the cake needed to go.  Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right? 

Another Very Special Day

Today was a very special day for Davin.  We got a letter in the mail that he would be given a special award today and that during the ceremony there would be something read about Davin and why he was getting the award.  I didn't realize that only 4 kids are chosen out of his school 4 different times during the year to receive such an award.  The staff recognizes each recipient for their own special strengths and growth. 

While Davin sat in the front of the room in front of the principal and vice principals and other guests, the following was read:

******
Davin Hester joined Creekside in the middle of last year, and the minute he entered Creekside he made a huge impact.  His smile affects everyone who meets him and people are instantly drawn to him.  He is a jokester (at this point Davin started cracking up) who enjoys pulling pranks on people as much as he enjoys having pranks done to him.  His laugh comes from his belly and is deep and sincere. 

Davin is very intelligent, and keeps up academically with his age equivalent peers from other classes while at the same time he charms the staff.

Although Davin is highly intelligent and funny, he has a devious side.  This is the side that will steal purses from the teacher's desk or off of the back of a wheelchair.  This is the side that will take a stick and knock things off of the teacher's desk.  this is the side that could have had him sent to the Principal's office on more than one occasion!

Davin is a wonderful person who comes from a loving family.  We all feel that we have been blessed to have met him. 
******

So....I went back and forth between gushing with pride to wondering if my son had just gotten an award for being a twirp:-)  In the end, I realize what he got the award for.  He got the award for being who he is.  The staff and students at his school celebrate who he is and I am so thankful for a place like that.  Why would Davin not want to go to school? 

Davin's award also got me to thinking.  The things that were said about Davin and how drawn people are to him is true.  He makes an impact.  He makes an impact most places that he goes.  Davin can't walk or talk or write or play sports in the traditional way, but he makes an impact. 

In general, we feel badly for someone who does not have the skills or abilities that we have, but am I using those "extra" skills that I have to make an impact?  Do I impact people the way my son does?  If he can touch lives the way he does without ever uttering one word, how much of an impact can I make with my words?  Davin uses what he has and he does a great job.  Do I? 

Bubby's Birthday

Saturday was Davin Bruce's 19th birthday!!  Both sisters and one special brother-in-law came to celebrate with us!!  It was a fun day for sure. 

When I think back to the day my Bubby was born, things seemed so different than they are now.  I had no idea how much that boy was going to change my life.  All of my children changed my life in many ways, but Davin's presence in my life has made me different.  I am a different mom because of him.  I stand with the proud other moms who have a special needs child to raise and I am so thankful for that.  I have a different perspective on perfection and on endurance and on unconditional love.  God knew just what I needed when he blessed me with that 7 pound 1 ounce boy 19 years ago. 

Happy Birthday Bubby!!!  I love you so much!!

Shaken

I have been shaken...but not moved. 

In general, when I am not blogging, there are things going on in my life that I can't or don't want to share, even in person.  I guess everybody decides what kind of blogger they will be, and I have chosen to share limited information.  It is a good fit for me. 

I see God working and I know that I can trust Him.   

In other news, Alan has been gone for the last 10 days.  I wish I could say I have had a great attitude and have been glad that he has been enjoying his trip.  I do wish I could say that.  While my attitude has been less than excellent, that cute boy that I share my life with has been awesome.  He has eaten every meal so nicely and has slept so soundly ever single night that we were by ourselves.  Now, for my attitude adjustment.....

My Pleasure

Davin and I recently headed down to NJ for a dentist appointment.  A sweet side benefit is that I got to spend time with my daughters.  I have been missing them so much.  One day, I got to take my Dad with me to meet Ashleigh and the twin girls that she nannies for.  We met for lunch.  To be honest, I knew this time could go either way for my Dad.  He has always been pretty head strong and if he decided the girls were acting up or we had driven too long to get there, his mood would be hard to change.  I held my breath.  Lunch could not have been better.  My Dad and I got to watch Ashleigh do what she loves to do.  She takes such excellent care of the girls.  They are 21 months old.  As I got to watch Ashleigh, it just affirmed what a wonderful mother she will someday be.  She is making such a difference in the life of this family by training their children so well.  The girls were adorable and my Dad enjoyed them so much.  The sweetest part of the trip was when we were getting ready to walk out and I asked E if she would like to hold Pop Pop's hand on the way out.  She is just a tiny little peanut, but she reached up and grabbed his hand and held it all the way to the car.  I watched my Dad whose normal strides are long and quick, slow down to keep pace with little E.  So sweet. 

I also got to be present for Bethany's first day at her new job!!!  She now has a job working in her field!!  Woo hoo!!!  I got to be there to make her lunches for the first few days, and I was blessed to be able to make dinner for us to eat together when she got home from work. 

When my kids were younger, they had to make their own lunches and do other things around the house, too.   Now that they are older, I find that when I the opportunity to serve them in that way, it blesses me.  It is just another way for me to show them that I love them and still love to take care of them. 

Any Changes?

As we prepare to bring more children into our home, Alan and I have been discussing guidelines once again.  Will we do things the same as when our other four children were growing up, or are there changes to be made?  We will most likely be adopting at least one teenager, so how do we give guidelines that may be different than what they previously had?  We have been talking through cell phones, texting, and facebook.  We seem to both be on the same page with these things, but I think it will be tricky to give a bunch of guidelines to a teenager who is brand new in our home.  I kind of think we will need to gradually do it, but I am not sure. 

As for cell phones, we are pretty set on the fact that you don't ever need one unless you are driving.  That opinion hardly made us the cool parents before and I am pretty sure it won't now.  I think texting may want to be avoided all together for quite a while.  It has proven to be a very easy way for inappropriate discussions to take place. 

Any thoughts?  When did you let your kids have a facebook?  How much internet time do you allow?  How much television?  What is your opinion of cell phones and kids? 

Although these issues are issues that Alan and I need to have covered together, I know that our kids will need love and support the most.  The other things will come, but the love and stability will make us a family. 

On the Same Page

If I am to be honest, Alan and I are so very different.  I know that is not shocking to anyone who knows both of us.  If we make a list at any given time of the things that are our top five priorities (as far as things that need to be done), our lists would vary greatly.  Alan thinks I stress about silly details too much and I think he ignores them too much which makes me stress more;-) 

As we have gone through the steps of becoming home study ready, we have talked a lot.  It is so crucial that we are on the same page and have the same or similar priorities for this.  This is big.  We had a conversation the other day about getting the beds put up and all that goes with that so that the bedrooms are ready.  We actually were in total agreement! 

I don't say that to say that Alan and I disagree a bunch.  As far as parenting goes, we always back each other up and think so much alike.  In general, things that need to be done in the house, though, have us on different pages.  The fact that we were totally in agreement is one more affirment from God that He is instructing us to walk this path. 

I guess I need lots of reminders or at least I appreciate it every time God reminds me. 

When?

Yesterday I made sugar cookies.  I took out my cookbook that I have had since I was first married.  I opened it and all of the sudden, my Mom's cookbook flashed through my mind.  She uses the same one, but hers is an older version.  When I looked at my cookbook as I opened it on the counter, I suddenly saw the wear and tear on the well-worn book, the pages that were no longer attached.  I saw the yellowed page color and the stains from food dripping onto the pages as I cooked another meal or dessert.  When did I become the older mother?  When did I become my Mom? 

Crazy...

Nesting

I have no other way to explain this, except to say that I am nesting.  Does that happen when you are adopting, too?  It has become absolutely necessary for every single thing in our apartment to be organized and in a place that makes sense.  Is that because my world is about to be turned upside down???  Bring it on!!  (and I will have very clean closets as a bonus;-)

The Day

Today is the day that I met Ashleigh Diane.  I was never the same again.  From this day forward, 26 years ago, I was not just Heather.  I was Ashleigh's Mom and I loved it. 

Happy Birthday Ashleigh Diane!!!  I love your passion for life, your loyalty to your family and friends and your desire to be who God wants you to be.  I am so glad you changed my world 26 years ago.

Her Time

This time of year, especially this week, takes me back.  It takes my thoughts back to 26 years ago and a very overdue pregnant 18-year-old.  The doctor was concerned that I was overdue and told me to go get a non-stress test.  My due date was September 6th.  Well, I was a non-tylenol-taking kind of girl, so I just assumed that I did not want to get a stress test.  I also declined getting ultrasounds with my first two babies because I thought there were risks to the baby.  I guess the doctor should have thought to explain to me why I needed the non-stress test and what exactly it was.  I just went back home.  The next week, the doctor was a little more emphatic that I HAD to go right to the hospital and get the test done and explained a bit more to me about why it was necessary.  Since I was so young, I was sailing on unchartered waters and figuring things out as I went along.  So, off for the test, we went.  The baby was great, but they gave me a specific date.  If the baby didn't come by Monday, I would be induced. 

So, I went outside and played badmitten and I walked around to try to encourage this baby to come.  Alan was away in Great Lakes, IL having just graduated from boot camp just 6 weeks earlier.  He was anxious to come home and his 19-year-old not-knowing-anything-about-pregnancy self thought that I could make myself go into labor.  He would tell me when was a good weekend and tell me to really try.  Silly boy. 

Soon, my whole life would change.....

Hello Bunk Beds

I believe it was just over a year ago that I had a post titled "Bye Bye Bunk Beds".  We had been living with bunk beds for forever it seemed and I was excited to be saying goodbye to them.  Well, as God has made it clear that we are to adopt a sibling group, guess what we are getting ready to put back into our bedrooms??  Yup, bunk beds!  I am so excited to have bunk beds again and to think of the children that will fill them while dreaming at night.  I guess there is a season for everything.  Even bunk beds.  Sometimes there are two seasons for them:-)

The Bubby

One really special thing about this time in our lives is the amount of special time we have spent with Bubby (Davin).  For Davin's entire life, he kept up with our older kids and we took him everywhere and included him in everything.  This time of life is so catered to him, though, and I am enjoying that.  We go to movies that Davin likes.  We take walks together because Davin loves to be outside.  We spend time just hanging out with him and talking with him. 

While we continue to wait for our "new" kids to come home, we will continue to enjoy this time with Bubby. 

A Milestone Met and One Around the Corner

I have been out of blog land:-(  Do you remember when I wrote about struggling with finding a balance with computer time?  Well, my heavenly Father who loves me and knows what is best for me, took care of that.  My laptop broke quite a few weeks ago and although I have access to a desktop, I am leaving it on the floor, so that when I use it I do not get too comfortable:-)  I have missed checking in here, though. 

As of the beginning of September, I have hit my 6 month mark into my new healthy lifestyle!!!  I have been working out 5 days a week consistently for 6 months!!!  For a girl who rarely ever finishes projects, this is a big deal.  I feel so good about it and am hopeful that I have made it such a part of my life that it will stay.  It has been such a blessing to be on this journey with my best friend Alan.  Some mornings we don't even say a word until we are all done, but we are doing it together and I love that.  We have both decided that our very favorite time of the day is 7 am.  That means that we have 23 whole hours to go until we have to start the workout again;-) 

We are about a month away from having a home study complete!!!!  This realization comes complete with both excitement and terror.  Well, maybe not terror, but it is hard to believe in so many ways.  The last things on our list are to get a few safety items for our house and then to get the beds!!!  That's right, the beds for.....the children!!!  Wow!!!  I continue to be in awe of a God who can give such peace as He guides us through this process.  Every time I hear a word that speaks fear into my heart, God takes it and lets me know that He is in control of this.  He already knows what our lives will look like in a year, in ten years, and we don't have to worry. 

He Misses Him

Cheney is back at Wheaton.  He is so excited to be back and so thankful that he has the opportunity to return for his junior year.  Since things were up in the air about him returning, we did not prepare ourselves mentally to say goodbye.  We decided on a Wednesday morning and Alan and Cheney boarded a train for Chicago that night. It was hard.  Davin had gone to bed that night since he still had school the next day.  Cheney went in to lay with Davin for a while and then told Davin that he needed to go take a shower, but would come back.  Davin (who usually goes right to sleep) waited for Cheney to be done.  I went in and asked if Davin would like to get up and sit with Cheney a while.  Davin just pointed to his pillow where he wanted Cheney to lay down.  Cheney hopped in with his brother and laid with him while Davin fell asleep.  I think that is the hardest part for me.  When I watch them together, I feel like my heart is hurting to think of them not being together.

The next night, it was just me and Davin.  Davin had been fine in the morning, but he does not usually see Cheney in the mornings.  After he had been in bed for a while, I went in to check on him since he was still awake and that was odd.  I believe there were tears in his eyes.  I thought my heart would break.  He missed his brother.  It is hard to say goodbye to your  big brother.  Davin had a rough night trying to sleep that night and the next day his teacher wrote me that he looked lost and sad.  Poor Bubby!

Thankfully our Bethany Alyssa arrived here on Friday and we get to enjoy her company for a week and Daddy returned home today:-)

Which Way?

We are having some major problems with Cheney going back to Wheaton this year.  He was all set to head back, but finances are far from situated.  I'm watching a young man try to figure out what to do and be pretty content with whatever way God leads. 

Lord, whatever you have to do in Cheney's life to grow him into the man you want him to be, please do it.  If you can do it at Wheaton, please provide a way.  Please let us be content and know that You are in control. 

Special

Davin has quite a few cousins.  They all love him.  They are all happy to see him.  No doubt about that. 

There is one cousin who has a special relationship with Davin, though.  I got to watch them together this week.  It was priceless.  My boy has had friends through his life, but very few friends who talked to him, included him, and understood him.  Trey is that kind of friend. 

Aside from Cheney, I do not think I have ever seen someone else know that Davin wanted to hold their hand as they were walking beside his chair.  Trey knew.  As soon as Davin reached out his hand, Trey (who is 13 years-old, by the way) took Davin's hand and held it as he walked next to Davin. 

Every day that Trey was here visiting, he made sure he was outside in time to see Davin get off the bus.  He knew how excited Davin was to see him. 

Trey takes the time to figure out what Davin wants to do and he spends time with him.  It is a beautiful thing. 

Friendships for our kids can always be difficult to watch.  We watch our kids be ignored at times, left out at times and treated badly at times.  When you have a child who cannot speak, it happens a lot.  Many times other children just don't know how to include Davin.  I don't know why Trey knows how to do it, but he does and I feel blessed to have watched their relationship this week. 

Can You Tell?

Can you tell Davin is glad to have his cousins here?

We went for a walk tonight and I am pretty sure that most of our town could hear Davin squealing, hollering and laughing:-)

Passing on Some Memories

My sister and I are only 18 months apart in age.  My kids are quite a bit older than hers, though.  My kids grew up with my parents pre-traumatic-brain-injury.  There is a difference. 

When my kids were growing up, my Mom and Dad would come and visit us in upstate NY.  My Dad would always ask for a volunteer to go with him to Wegmans.  Without fail, while in Wegmans, they visited the HUGE bulk candy section and came back with HUGE bags of candy for everyone.  It was special because it was just my Dad and one of my kids at a time going on an adventure.  My Dad still talks about those trips to Wegmans. 

My sister's kids are young enough that most of their memories of my Dad are after his traumatic brain injury.  My Dad no longer has a driver's license, so he can't just take one of my sister's kids to the store or to Burger King or to look at birds in a favorite spot. 

Today I got to take my niece and nephews to Wegmans and show them the HUGE bulk candy section.  It was a big hit.  My Dad wasn't there, but it is still part of his memory.  I called my Dad and left a message letting him know that his grandchildren got to experience Wegmans' candy section.  I know it will bring a smile to his face and now Jen's kids share in this Pop Pop memory just a little bit:-)

The Beach

To me, growing up in New Jersey, the beach is at the ocean.  In upstate New York, the beach is at a lake.  Today we visited a state park and swam in Lake Ontario.

My sister and her kids are here visiting this week:-)

I Will Miss This

I will miss this when Cheney goes back to college.  I love watching the way they love each other.  I love seeing Davin's eyes follow Cheney until Cheney talks to him or goes over to him. 

Hands down, watching my kids' relationships has been one of the best things about being a mom. 

I Have Clearly Lost My Mind

Yesterday in Davin's communication notebook, I got a note saying that he is to be in charge of the limbo at school on Friday.  At first I thought it was because he is non-verbal and they were trying to find a way to include him.  Then, I thought about it and realized that all of the kids in his class are non-verbal and he is just probably the bossiest, so he got the job:-)  His teacher is very funny and loves Davin's sense of humor, so she asked me if Davin had a coconut bra to wear for the limbo contest.  I have clearly lost my mind because I went out today and bought one.

Another Lesson

One morning last week, Davin was not on board with the schedule.  I explained to him why we were on a very tight schedule and exactly what I needed him to do.  He did not feel like doing what I asked.  I was frustrated.  I gave a big speech about how Jesus was not very happy with his behavior and that neither was I.  I went on to add that life does not revolve around Davin and maybe he needs to stop living like it does.  How many times has my Heavenly Father probably had the same thought about me?  Heather, the whole world does not revolve around you, so maybe it is time to stop living like it does. 

I learn so much by teaching my kids.