Thursday, March 17, 2011
Possibly an Overlooked Love Language
I have never read the book about the different love languages, but I am pretty sure they did not include my husband's. It's ironing. Yup. You read it right. My husband's love language is ironing. When I iron his clothes for him, it just somehow screams to him "I love you Alan". It just touches him. Not sure why, but I have known it for a long time now.
It might not seem so strange to you, except that I am a TERRIBLE ironer. I am not exaggerating or just being humble. Most of the items that I iron, look very similar to how they looked before I ironed them. With my kids it is a big joke how badly I iron. But, to Alan it means that I love him. So, I iron for him (I have not always, but presently have the ironing program up and running:-). And, he wears what I ironed. Wrinkled and creased in wrong places. Alan is a great ironer. When he is away on business, he irons his own clothes and he is fine doing that. However, when he is home, it just means a lot to him that I iron them. I guess as long as he is happy to wear his wrinkled/ironed clothes, I will be happy to iron them for him:-)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Your Worth is Not on Paper
When we moved a psychologist came to our house and evaluated Davin and also gave me some kind of assessment to fill out. I certainly know that on the papers I filled out (they were fill in the dot, not the kind where you could write answers), Davin didn't score very high. I mean, really. Some of the questions were so irrelevant to his life. For the psychologist, I was impressed as I watched Davin really pay attention and answer the questions. I also really do like the psychologist and she has gotten to know Davin and really like him.
However......yesterday I received the official evaluation results in the mail. I was so encouraged by how well he is doing in school and how well he did with the psychologist and by the things his teacher has been saying that I (like a silly girl who didn't know better) decided to take a look at the report. Bad idea. It showed that Davin's IQ was the lowest it could be and that he ranks in or lower than 1% of the population. Really?? Are you kidding me? Have you met this kid?
I shall go back to my old ways now. I will put those papers in the drawer and keep them, but never allow them to define who Davin is. My boy is not what is written on that paper and his abilities can't be measured by the regular standards. I know who he is. Davin knows who he is. He is funny. He is tricky. He is smart. He is loving and he is loved. I will not focus on those papers, those words. I will focus on who Davin is.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
College Spring Break
This week has been much different than we expected. Cheney's spring break was this week and we had planned to go away on a skiing vacation. I had let Davin's school know that he would not be there this week. After thinking things through a bit more, we realized that now was an excellent time for Cheney to look for a summer job and he also did not seem real keen on a busy week, but rather needed some down time to rest and get ready for the last two months of school. So, we changed plans.
The week has been spent mostly here at home with just the four of us (although I did make Davin go to school;-). I have cooked and baked and I always enjoy doing that for our kids. Cheney has gone on one interview and has two more today. I spent one day driving Cheney around as he filled out applications and asked about summer employment. He took me out to lunch:-)
Davin has spent lots and lots of time just looking at his brother. It is just the cutest thing. All week Cheney has begged for me to let Davin stay home, so tomorrow Davin will skip school and stay home and look at his brother all day;-) We may go bowling which is a favorite activity for both of my boys.
Good week:-)
The week has been spent mostly here at home with just the four of us (although I did make Davin go to school;-). I have cooked and baked and I always enjoy doing that for our kids. Cheney has gone on one interview and has two more today. I spent one day driving Cheney around as he filled out applications and asked about summer employment. He took me out to lunch:-)
Davin has spent lots and lots of time just looking at his brother. It is just the cutest thing. All week Cheney has begged for me to let Davin stay home, so tomorrow Davin will skip school and stay home and look at his brother all day;-) We may go bowling which is a favorite activity for both of my boys.
Good week:-)
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
March 8th
8 years ago, on March 8th, I received a phone call from my sister pretty late at night. My Dad had passed out and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. He had not woken up. I knew that my Dad had been feeling flu-like symptoms earlier in the day, so I didn't worry too much. Dad probably just got weak and fainted.
As the hours went on through the night and I struggled to catch some naps in between phone calls and tears, the scenerio grew worse and worse. Daddy still had not woken up. It had been hours. I finally spoke to my Mom around 4 am and told her I would be leaving in the morning to come down. Unlike my Mom, she agreed. I expected her to say that we should wait and see what happens and that it probably is not a big deal, but she just quietly said "okay". I knew I needed to be there.
The local hospital came to the conclusion that my Dad had an annurism. He was to be heliported to a hospital in Philadelphia where they could help him. A drain was placed in his head to drain the fluid.
I arrived home to NJ sometime in the early afternoon and my in-laws were waiting for me so they could deliver me to the hospital. I got out of the car and am not even sure I said goodbye to my mother and father-in-law. My Mom and sister were outside and I just clung to them. It was bad. He was alive, though. I had fear all the way home that I was going to get a call telling me that he did not make it. That call, thankfully never came.
We walked into the hospital and I went in to see my Dad. There are no words to describe how it felt to see him in that condition. My Dad was in a coma and had tubes everywhere. Part of his hair was shaved from putting the drain in. I sobbed at his bedside.
I then left the room and my brother-in-law hugged me while I cried and cried. Over the next few days, we would stand vigile by my Dad's side. We would hold his hand, we would cry, we would wait... Every day was the same for a few days. We would meet other families in the waiting rooms and some of their family members survived and some did not. It was a heavy place to be day after day.
On the Wednesday following my Dad's fall, we finally were told exactly what had happened. My Dad had a staff infection in his heart and his valve was literally just blown and there was infection everywhere. The infection was shooting out from the heart valve and he had bruises on his toes and fingertips as a result of the infection clots traveling through his body. At some point on March the 8th, infection traveled up to his head and he fell to the hard wood floor in my parents' house. He fell hard. Due to the fall, he had bleeding on both sides of his head and that made surgery to repair his heart a risky thing. The neurosurgeon and the cardiac surgeon would have to wait and see when the perfect time was to operate. At any time, though, Dad could pass away from the problems going on in his heart. The doctor looked my sister and Mom and I straight in the eyes and told us that he was a far ways away from being who he was before. They gave us some percentage for his survival (but we were later told the real percentage was 5% that he would survive, let alone thrive) and that was the end of our conversation. We were devestated. Crushed. I could hardly talk or think clearly.
I immediately went to my cell phone and called Alan. He and the kids would be traveling down to NJ to support me and to say goodbye to their Pop Pop possibly. We wanted them to have the choice.
My kids came and my Dad held on. We had precious time together in the waiting room. I spent lots of time with my Mom and stayed in NJ for a couple of weeks before heading back home to my family. For the next five weeks, I prayed that God would hold my Dad's heart literally in His hands. I prayed that He would keep it beating even when it seemed like it should have stopped. I prayed that the Spirit would minister to him even if he could not hear us.
My Dad eventually had his open heart surgery and now sports a pig valve, but rarely oinks:-) Following the five weeks in the ICU prior to surgery, my Dad had to head over to a rehab. He was still in a coma-like state. He did not appear to be "there". He could not walk by himself, he could not shave, feed himself, or do anything to take care of himself anymore. He could not read anymore. He did have his speech, but often did not know who most people were. He always knew my Mom:-)
In the brain injury unit of the rehab, my Dad was locked (with a padlock) into a wheelchair to keep him from trying to get up without assistance. He was kept in a pack and play bed. It was like a literal pack and play for babies, but it fit over the hospital bed and was enclosed on all sides. It could only be unzipped from the outside. He also wore mittens on his hands so he would not try to yank out his trach tube. He had already pulled out his central line and eventually pulled out the trach, too. I hated leaving my Dad there. It was like he was a baby.
Little by little, he came back to us. The more he came back, the more frustrated he became being confined in this way. At the 13 week point, my Mom was horrified at how horribly my Dad was talking to the nurses and doctors. He had enough! Alan and I and our kids had come for a visit and could see Mom was very distressed. Alan said we should just bring him home and that either Alan or I would stay to help care for my Dad. I called my sister and told her to dress all in black because we were "busting Dad out of there!".
One of the memories that will always stick in my mind is when we went to pick Dad up from the rehab to take him home. Alan and I were both there and Alan had driven our suburban. My Dad had been sedated because he was so agitated, but was also still very weak when walking. I watched as Alan literally picked my Dad up and placed him into the truck. The picture just struck me.
The doctors told us that what Dad was one year following the accident would be what he was forever. God has continued to heal my Dad's brain in amazing ways. I have been able to enjoy spending one day a week with my Dad for 7 years that we lived in NJ. My Dad has started doing woodworking again. He does not figure things out the way he used to and his work is not what it was, but it keeps getting better and he figures out more things as time goes on. My Dad has the stamina and strength of an ox:-) He has worked on landscaping my sister's house and mine for the last five years.
It has been so precious to rebuild my relationship with my Dad as he came back to be "the Dad" again. I love that he now takes me out to lunch and always has to pay. Just like before. I have been able to watch his relationship with my kids be restored, too, as my Dad became more and more of his old self and was able to focus on other people again. Thank you God. I know it was all You. May you have the praise.
As the hours went on through the night and I struggled to catch some naps in between phone calls and tears, the scenerio grew worse and worse. Daddy still had not woken up. It had been hours. I finally spoke to my Mom around 4 am and told her I would be leaving in the morning to come down. Unlike my Mom, she agreed. I expected her to say that we should wait and see what happens and that it probably is not a big deal, but she just quietly said "okay". I knew I needed to be there.
The local hospital came to the conclusion that my Dad had an annurism. He was to be heliported to a hospital in Philadelphia where they could help him. A drain was placed in his head to drain the fluid.
I arrived home to NJ sometime in the early afternoon and my in-laws were waiting for me so they could deliver me to the hospital. I got out of the car and am not even sure I said goodbye to my mother and father-in-law. My Mom and sister were outside and I just clung to them. It was bad. He was alive, though. I had fear all the way home that I was going to get a call telling me that he did not make it. That call, thankfully never came.
We walked into the hospital and I went in to see my Dad. There are no words to describe how it felt to see him in that condition. My Dad was in a coma and had tubes everywhere. Part of his hair was shaved from putting the drain in. I sobbed at his bedside.
I then left the room and my brother-in-law hugged me while I cried and cried. Over the next few days, we would stand vigile by my Dad's side. We would hold his hand, we would cry, we would wait... Every day was the same for a few days. We would meet other families in the waiting rooms and some of their family members survived and some did not. It was a heavy place to be day after day.
On the Wednesday following my Dad's fall, we finally were told exactly what had happened. My Dad had a staff infection in his heart and his valve was literally just blown and there was infection everywhere. The infection was shooting out from the heart valve and he had bruises on his toes and fingertips as a result of the infection clots traveling through his body. At some point on March the 8th, infection traveled up to his head and he fell to the hard wood floor in my parents' house. He fell hard. Due to the fall, he had bleeding on both sides of his head and that made surgery to repair his heart a risky thing. The neurosurgeon and the cardiac surgeon would have to wait and see when the perfect time was to operate. At any time, though, Dad could pass away from the problems going on in his heart. The doctor looked my sister and Mom and I straight in the eyes and told us that he was a far ways away from being who he was before. They gave us some percentage for his survival (but we were later told the real percentage was 5% that he would survive, let alone thrive) and that was the end of our conversation. We were devestated. Crushed. I could hardly talk or think clearly.
I immediately went to my cell phone and called Alan. He and the kids would be traveling down to NJ to support me and to say goodbye to their Pop Pop possibly. We wanted them to have the choice.
My kids came and my Dad held on. We had precious time together in the waiting room. I spent lots of time with my Mom and stayed in NJ for a couple of weeks before heading back home to my family. For the next five weeks, I prayed that God would hold my Dad's heart literally in His hands. I prayed that He would keep it beating even when it seemed like it should have stopped. I prayed that the Spirit would minister to him even if he could not hear us.
My Dad eventually had his open heart surgery and now sports a pig valve, but rarely oinks:-) Following the five weeks in the ICU prior to surgery, my Dad had to head over to a rehab. He was still in a coma-like state. He did not appear to be "there". He could not walk by himself, he could not shave, feed himself, or do anything to take care of himself anymore. He could not read anymore. He did have his speech, but often did not know who most people were. He always knew my Mom:-)
In the brain injury unit of the rehab, my Dad was locked (with a padlock) into a wheelchair to keep him from trying to get up without assistance. He was kept in a pack and play bed. It was like a literal pack and play for babies, but it fit over the hospital bed and was enclosed on all sides. It could only be unzipped from the outside. He also wore mittens on his hands so he would not try to yank out his trach tube. He had already pulled out his central line and eventually pulled out the trach, too. I hated leaving my Dad there. It was like he was a baby.
Little by little, he came back to us. The more he came back, the more frustrated he became being confined in this way. At the 13 week point, my Mom was horrified at how horribly my Dad was talking to the nurses and doctors. He had enough! Alan and I and our kids had come for a visit and could see Mom was very distressed. Alan said we should just bring him home and that either Alan or I would stay to help care for my Dad. I called my sister and told her to dress all in black because we were "busting Dad out of there!".
One of the memories that will always stick in my mind is when we went to pick Dad up from the rehab to take him home. Alan and I were both there and Alan had driven our suburban. My Dad had been sedated because he was so agitated, but was also still very weak when walking. I watched as Alan literally picked my Dad up and placed him into the truck. The picture just struck me.
The doctors told us that what Dad was one year following the accident would be what he was forever. God has continued to heal my Dad's brain in amazing ways. I have been able to enjoy spending one day a week with my Dad for 7 years that we lived in NJ. My Dad has started doing woodworking again. He does not figure things out the way he used to and his work is not what it was, but it keeps getting better and he figures out more things as time goes on. My Dad has the stamina and strength of an ox:-) He has worked on landscaping my sister's house and mine for the last five years.
It has been so precious to rebuild my relationship with my Dad as he came back to be "the Dad" again. I love that he now takes me out to lunch and always has to pay. Just like before. I have been able to watch his relationship with my kids be restored, too, as my Dad became more and more of his old self and was able to focus on other people again. Thank you God. I know it was all You. May you have the praise.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Marriage Month
In my life, March is the month of marriages. Alan and I will celebrate 26 years of wedded bliss (okay, it wasn't all bliss, but I have not separated how many years were blissful and how many were not and overall they are all good;-), but that is just a drop in the bucket compared to our parents. On March 13th, my mother and father-in-law will celebrate 46 years and on March 16th my Mom and Dad will celebrate 48 years of marriage!! Wow, that is almost half of a century.
It is hard to describe what a gift it has been to watch these two marriages. We have watched our parents raise their kids, love their grandkids and love each other. We have also watched our parents be caretakers of their spouses. Alan's Mom has many health problems and I am not sure my father-in-law ever WALKS to get her what she needs. He RUNS. Every time. Well, it seems like every time to me. I am constantly amazed by his utter devotion and dedication to his wife. I watched my Mom sit by my Dad's intensive care bedside during their 40th wedding anniversary and saw her cry and wonder if my Dad would live to see another anniversary. My Dad suffered a traumatic brain injury and their lives have never been the same since then, but my mom's devotion to my Dad has never wavered. She has gotten tired, she has been discouraged, but she has loved him like no other. (Frankly, he is quite spoiled;-)
I know this is not something everyone is blessed with. I know that having two sets of parents that have stuck it out through better and worse is not the normal anymore. I sure am thankful. Happy Marriage Month!!
It is hard to describe what a gift it has been to watch these two marriages. We have watched our parents raise their kids, love their grandkids and love each other. We have also watched our parents be caretakers of their spouses. Alan's Mom has many health problems and I am not sure my father-in-law ever WALKS to get her what she needs. He RUNS. Every time. Well, it seems like every time to me. I am constantly amazed by his utter devotion and dedication to his wife. I watched my Mom sit by my Dad's intensive care bedside during their 40th wedding anniversary and saw her cry and wonder if my Dad would live to see another anniversary. My Dad suffered a traumatic brain injury and their lives have never been the same since then, but my mom's devotion to my Dad has never wavered. She has gotten tired, she has been discouraged, but she has loved him like no other. (Frankly, he is quite spoiled;-)
I know this is not something everyone is blessed with. I know that having two sets of parents that have stuck it out through better and worse is not the normal anymore. I sure am thankful. Happy Marriage Month!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Kicking and Screaming....again
Apparently I not only kick and scream regarding my children growing up, but I also have a few fits if you try to change my diet on me. I have already determined that I am beginning a new eating and exercise lifestyle with a couple of friends starting this Thursday! I am super excited about it, but apparently, I wanted to do it my way and not with "outside" (husband) help;-)
Alan decided at the new year to make some big changes to his eating. He has been buying all sorts of things that have less fat, less calories, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture. I am okay with that, but I was not quite there yet.
We were trying to decide what to make for dinner tonight and decided on making sausage with onions and peppers. Alan told me that he is trying not to eat bread, so he would not want anything with bread. I told him that he could get me a roll and do whatever he wanted. He mentioned that if we were having sausage, it would be great to get turkey sausage. I rolled my eyes, but he didn't see me because we were talking on the phone. I think I roll my eyes a lot while I am on the phone;-)
Alan came home with the groceries and I was already self-talking myself into the whole turkey sausage thing and thinking that it was a good idea because I am starting my weight loss program on Thursday. I unpacked the bags and there were NO rolls of any kind. The only way I was talking myself through this was thinking about the yummy roll that would cover the taste of the turkey sausage if I didn't like it. NO rolls, and instead......wheat pitas!!! I started freaking out!! I was going over our whole conversation and Alan said he didn't remember that I said I wanted a roll. If he had heard me say that he would have gotten me a roll. I replied that he had to have heard me because I was talking right into his ear. He found my reaction on the funny side and I told him I needed some time to regroup and get myself together. He thought I was kidding, but I am pretty serious about my bread and it took some time snuggling with Davin to bring myself down once again.
I now have my whole entire head wrapped around my much healthier dinner and how fantastic it will be when I am much thinner in the summer. The best part will be that we are doing it together. Why, oh why, must I kick and scream??
By the way, Alan just came in and asked what I was doing. I told him I would rather not say. He asked if I was blogging about THE ROLL:-) Oh dear!
Alan decided at the new year to make some big changes to his eating. He has been buying all sorts of things that have less fat, less calories, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture. I am okay with that, but I was not quite there yet.
We were trying to decide what to make for dinner tonight and decided on making sausage with onions and peppers. Alan told me that he is trying not to eat bread, so he would not want anything with bread. I told him that he could get me a roll and do whatever he wanted. He mentioned that if we were having sausage, it would be great to get turkey sausage. I rolled my eyes, but he didn't see me because we were talking on the phone. I think I roll my eyes a lot while I am on the phone;-)
Alan came home with the groceries and I was already self-talking myself into the whole turkey sausage thing and thinking that it was a good idea because I am starting my weight loss program on Thursday. I unpacked the bags and there were NO rolls of any kind. The only way I was talking myself through this was thinking about the yummy roll that would cover the taste of the turkey sausage if I didn't like it. NO rolls, and instead......wheat pitas!!! I started freaking out!! I was going over our whole conversation and Alan said he didn't remember that I said I wanted a roll. If he had heard me say that he would have gotten me a roll. I replied that he had to have heard me because I was talking right into his ear. He found my reaction on the funny side and I told him I needed some time to regroup and get myself together. He thought I was kidding, but I am pretty serious about my bread and it took some time snuggling with Davin to bring myself down once again.
I now have my whole entire head wrapped around my much healthier dinner and how fantastic it will be when I am much thinner in the summer. The best part will be that we are doing it together. Why, oh why, must I kick and scream??
By the way, Alan just came in and asked what I was doing. I told him I would rather not say. He asked if I was blogging about THE ROLL:-) Oh dear!
Monday, February 07, 2011
What is a Mom to do?
I knew this would be hard. Moving at 18 years of age is hard. Moving when you are non-verbal is extra hard. I knew it would not be ideal to put Davin in a "typical" high school at this age and have the "typical" kids his age try to get to know him. I didn't think about church....
Davin and I sat in Sunday School yesterday. We were in the back row. Every single teen had to walk by us to get to their seats. I noticed. Davin noticed. A teen came up and introduced herself to someone else who was new. Davin and I watched. We started feeling invisible and I wondered what I should do. Finally, two sweet, sweet girls came up to Davin. They had already been past us and were sitting in the very front row. They came all the way to the back row to introduce themselves to Davin and ask his name. Sweet girls. Only in 9th and 8th grades, too:-) We chatted with them for a bit. A ray of hope.
These waters are new. I am not sure how to proceed. Do I talk to the youth pastor? He hasn't done a great job of getting to know us or ask what he can do to enable Davin to be able to go to SS or youth group without me or Alan. He has tried, though. He really has. It is probably harder since Davin's former youth pastor also doubled as his best friend. Davin adored him. Maybe this youth pastor needs to go on a road trip to Cedarville. That is what bonded Davin and his Pastor Greg:-) Hmmm...., I know that I have been living with Davin for a long time, and I will give grace to everyone else who may not be knowing quite what to do. How do I reach out for Davin? What do I say? This is hard.
Davin and I sat in Sunday School yesterday. We were in the back row. Every single teen had to walk by us to get to their seats. I noticed. Davin noticed. A teen came up and introduced herself to someone else who was new. Davin and I watched. We started feeling invisible and I wondered what I should do. Finally, two sweet, sweet girls came up to Davin. They had already been past us and were sitting in the very front row. They came all the way to the back row to introduce themselves to Davin and ask his name. Sweet girls. Only in 9th and 8th grades, too:-) We chatted with them for a bit. A ray of hope.
These waters are new. I am not sure how to proceed. Do I talk to the youth pastor? He hasn't done a great job of getting to know us or ask what he can do to enable Davin to be able to go to SS or youth group without me or Alan. He has tried, though. He really has. It is probably harder since Davin's former youth pastor also doubled as his best friend. Davin adored him. Maybe this youth pastor needs to go on a road trip to Cedarville. That is what bonded Davin and his Pastor Greg:-) Hmmm...., I know that I have been living with Davin for a long time, and I will give grace to everyone else who may not be knowing quite what to do. How do I reach out for Davin? What do I say? This is hard.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A Change of Heart (yet to come....)
I have slowly been reading Max Lucado's new book "Out Live Your Life". While I was home from church with a sick Davin, I read a chapter. Conviction... Really? Yup. It talked about not giving up on anyone. No one is too far from God. No one is a lost cause. Really Lord? I have very rarely given up on anyone. However, there is someone in my life that I have decided that I am done with. Lost cause. Too much wrong has been done. God says differently. I need to adjust my heart. Is it there yet? Not yet. It started, though. I prayed this morning for this person. That always helps. It is hard to pray for a person and not love them. I got a little more than I had bargained for this morning.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Change of Scenery
In August of 1995, a mom of four children moved to the Rochester, NY area with her husband and family. She was 28 years old. Her children were 2, 4, 8 and 9. Life was good. Her husband had been traveling four days a week for the last 2 years and her little boys did not remember their Daddy ever living with them full-time.
In January of 2011, that same mom of those same four children moved back to Rochester, NY after being gone for 7 years. Things are a bit different now. Those little girls that giggled and played pretend in her house are now 23 and 25. They didn't come. One of her little boys is now a sophomore in college and will only be here sporatically. Thankfully, that former 2 year-old is still with his Mama:-) This time, they are coming off of 14 months of their Dad traveling during the week. Thankfully, they all have plenty of memories of Dad being home every night and playing a huge part in their growing up.
In January of 2011, that same mom of those same four children moved back to Rochester, NY after being gone for 7 years. Things are a bit different now. Those little girls that giggled and played pretend in her house are now 23 and 25. They didn't come. One of her little boys is now a sophomore in college and will only be here sporatically. Thankfully, that former 2 year-old is still with his Mama:-) This time, they are coming off of 14 months of their Dad traveling during the week. Thankfully, they all have plenty of memories of Dad being home every night and playing a huge part in their growing up.
It is both so familiar and so strange all at the same time. To be here, the place we really call home, feels comfortable and homey. To move for the first time, with only part of my family is more than strange. I know that my place is to be here with Alan and yet my Mom's heart has a really hard time being away from my girls.
Being the optimist that I am, I am looking forward to some new things while I am here. My girls will come and visit me!!! Bethany is coming this weekend and I cannot wait!!! Visiting and staying with people is very different than just visiting for a few hours. It is more intimate, you make an effort to do things together, you savor the time spent with each other. I am really looking forward to that.
I have amazing friends that are here. I am so looking forward to reconnecting and getting to spend time with them and in many cases, getting to know the children that were just little children when I left. I will make time to read, time to scrapbook, and time to work on cooking new and different meals. Alan and I both plan to work on living a more healthy lifestyle and including regular exercise in our routine. I will spend time with my man. We will not have the distractions (oh, did I just call my children distractions?? ;-) (Just kidding, girls!) and we will spend time together just the two of us. Hmmm, what is that like??
Monday, December 06, 2010
A Time to Weep
Buster Elvis Hester
January 1, 1997 - December 6, 2010
Today is a sad day. Our dog, whom we had for 12 years, died today. Buster was part of our family for a long, long time and it feels strange without him today.
I always said that Buster was going to kill himself one day. You see, he was so bad about stealing food. When he was a bit younger, he stole entire loaves of Italian bread, sticks of butter, ate chunks out of a birthday cake, and stole hamburgers right off the table when no one was looking. Even today, that makes me smile. Buster was doing great (he even had a surgery three weeks ago) until Thursday when I was out with my Dad. While we were gone, Buster got into two pizza boxes that were left out and he probably ate an entire pizza. I think whatever he did to get the pizza boxes down (I always thought it would be interesting to have a camera so I could see what in the world he did to sneak food) hurt him somehow. The next day, he had trouble getting up and wanted to sleep outside. He was doing much better on Saturday and even ran away:-) You could never count that dog out. He was such a tricker. He was not feeling good, but managed to run away and take advantage of the fact that I had taken his leash off.
In the midst of my sadness today, God remains so faithful. He cares about my sadness over a dog. I am thankful for a God who cares about the details of my life and my family's life. God decided to have Buster die today and Alan is home today. He was so sweet and took care of so much this morning for me. Tomorrow Alan will be in Rochester. In a month, Alan, Davin and I will all be in Rochester and Bethany will be here alone. I would not want her to have to deal with this all by herself, so I am very thankful for God's perfect timing.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Not New For Him
I am not sure what I think about all of the new screenings at the airports. I do know that Davin has been having full body pat-downs for his whole life. I am just saying...
Friday, November 19, 2010
3 Years Ago
On Tuesday, Davin had an appointment at St. Christopher's. We have not been back to the hospital for quite some time now and I did not expect the flood of emotions that came. As we drove the familiar drive, passed the one restaurant that Alan and I quickly ate at one night during Davin's hospital stay, the gas station where I got gas the one night I left the hospital when Alan stayed with Davin....so many memories were made in such a short time. Davin was in the hospital for 13 days and yet it seemed like a lifetime. I can remember so many things, so many moments from those 13 days.
During that hospital stay, my boy lost so much. He needed help breathing, he could not eat and ended up with a feeding tube and rarely smiled. I prayed. I prayed some more. I cried. I cried some more. I crawled in bed with my boy and held on. I asked my God to please restore him. I knew that Davin did not have all of the skills that other kids had, but I love what he had. I asked God to give back the things that Davin had lost. Please restore him was my cry over and over again.
God always answers my prayers, but He does not always say yes. This time He did! It took some time, but God restored Davin. It was an amazing thing to watch right before our eyes.
Driving down Erie St. on the way to St. Christopher's, the tears were welling up in my eyes as I thought of the road that we were on three years ago and the way God restored my son.
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Whole Different Stage
Today I have entered a different stage of life. I am, of course, going kicking and screaming, but still I am going. My baby boy turned 18 today. I am now a mom of grown children. Ugh! Lest I make this day all about me;-), let me go on to celebrate my baby boy!
Davin Bruce Hester entered my world 18 years ago today. I expected him to come yesterday. Generally, my labors and deliveries were so fast. Davin's seemed to take much longer. He was much harder to push out for some reason. He was my smallest baby at 7 pounds and 1 ounce. He was the shortest baby at 19 inches. We had two matching sets now. Two girls and two boys. The girls were 21 months apart and the boys were 21 months apart. Things were perfect....too perfect...something in me knew that things were just not right.
Today I won't go into more about Davin's diagnosis or the grieving that followed it when I realized MY perfect was not to be. God knew so much better. HIS perfect is divine. God has allowed ME the privilege and honor of raising this PERFECT (well, not always;-) boy for the last 18 years. God has taught me so much through Davin. Lessons I would have missed if not for THIS perfect.
All of my children inspire me. I love so many things about each one of them. I guess the thing that makes Davin a different kind of inspiration to all of us is that he does it without words, without the normal movement that others have. He has come up with creative ways to show us who he is and what he is all about and know this without a doubt....I love that boy. We all love that boy. My family loves him with a fierceness that sometimes just brings me to tears.
Happy 18th Birthday to my littlest boy!!!! I am so proud to call you my son!!
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Wheaton
Here is a picture of us during our visit to Wheaton to see Cheney Alan for Family Weekend. It was so much fun and we so enjoyed seeing our boy.
Monday, November 08, 2010
A College Drop Out
Don't worry. It is not Cheney who dropped out. It is Davin. We went to visit Cheney's college this weekend for Family Weekend and I thought it would be wonderful if Davin went to one of Chey's classes while we were there since Davin will never get to experience that for himself. It made me kind of emotional, just thinking about it. Cheney said that was a great idea and set it up. Davin was not in the class very long when we got a text from Cheney saying that Davin hated the class and maybe we should come get him:-) Davin ended up making it through the whole class, but he decided college is not for him. Yes, to hanging out and being on campus. Yes to going to the talent show and yes to going to the improv show on campus. A big, fat NO to going to classes! Funny boy he is.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Some Good News Maybe??
I learned on Friday (when we filed the official paperwork for Davin's guardianship....hopefully;-) that in our county, we may not have to make a court appearance. The court may grant the order on paper and that may be it!! I think that would be a lot less traumatic if I didn't have to hear all of those words. I know I would rather Davin not to have to hear those words.
Also, because we were not able to file the complaint with the court until 2 weeks before Davin's birthday, there may be some things we need to do prior to his birthday to cover our decision making abilities until the order for guardianship can be granted.
Also, because we were not able to file the complaint with the court until 2 weeks before Davin's birthday, there may be some things we need to do prior to his birthday to cover our decision making abilities until the order for guardianship can be granted.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Leaf Fun?
I had in my mind that I Davin really NEEDED to play in a leaf pile this year. I am not a big fan of raking (okay, I rarely ever rake up my leaves), so he had not played in the leaves for a long time. It was on my list of things to do for today:-) I began raking while Davin watched (after we paid our last respects to a bird that died flying into one of our windows:-( and the look on his face said, "Mom, this is lame". It really did! So, I am talking away and telling him that this is FUN, not LAME!
He was unsure when I went to plunk him into the leaf pile, but he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it until the part where Bethany covered him all up except for his face. He didn't love that. Good to know;-)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Could Be In Trouble
Alan and Bethany are both away. I am quite used to Alan being away, but he usually left me with a house full of noise and kids and busyness. This time, it is me and Davin and our dogs. It is quiet as can be and we don't like that so much.
With everyone else being gone, it is kind of nice to have Davin with me at night. I know I am probably getting myself into trouble. Davin especially loves it because he sleeps right in his Dad's spot on his Dad's pillows:-) He also likes it when I tell his Dad that he is sleeping in his spot. Alan reminded me I am probably making things harder for myself in the long run. But, he just looks so cute and sweet sleeping there and he sleeps SO good (amazingly enough) when he is in our bed.
I think I am in trouble and I will have no one else to blame but myself.
With everyone else being gone, it is kind of nice to have Davin with me at night. I know I am probably getting myself into trouble. Davin especially loves it because he sleeps right in his Dad's spot on his Dad's pillows:-) He also likes it when I tell his Dad that he is sleeping in his spot. Alan reminded me I am probably making things harder for myself in the long run. But, he just looks so cute and sweet sleeping there and he sleeps SO good (amazingly enough) when he is in our bed.
I think I am in trouble and I will have no one else to blame but myself.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
God's Grace Was There
First, I must clarify. There form yesterday said, "incapacitated individual", not "incompetent". Sorry about that.
Davin and I are back from our appointments. Davin saw two doctors today. One is our pediatrician and one is a senior doctor at the practice. I had myself prepared to say something to the doctors if they began saying things that were going to hurt Davin. I envisioned whether I would need to have Davin leave the room and wait for me in the waiting room.
Our doctor could not have been more compassionate. He did not say a lot about what a devastating thing this was for us, but you could see it in his face and in the things he did say and didn't say. He already knows Davin, so there was not much to talk about. We did talk about how the paragraph that I had written did not really define who Davin is. The doctor agreed with me that in this case, we needed to make him sound as bad as possible, but that Davin is the boy we know, not what is on that paper. He signed the forms for us and we were ready for the other doctor.
The next doctor we have maybe met one other time. He could not have been more caring and considerate in the way he dealt with us. I had been praying that God would let me "keep it together". Since I am not a regular crier;-), when I do cry, it tends to be something rather ugly where my words can not even be understood. I wanted to be in control and I did not want Davin to feel like this was a huge deal. The doctor never said a word that would make Davin feel badly. He asked what he could do to help us beside signing the form. He asked some questions about where Davin goes to school and how he communicates.
We left without one tear falling! God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. The same will be true for our court date.
Davin and I talked this morning about the purpose for the appointments today and the upcoming court date. I told him that when people turn 18, they are supposed to make all of their decisions by themselves, but sometimes people need a little help. We are asking the court to let Davin have a little help in making decisions. No biggie. It is okay to need some help.
Davin and I are back from our appointments. Davin saw two doctors today. One is our pediatrician and one is a senior doctor at the practice. I had myself prepared to say something to the doctors if they began saying things that were going to hurt Davin. I envisioned whether I would need to have Davin leave the room and wait for me in the waiting room.
Our doctor could not have been more compassionate. He did not say a lot about what a devastating thing this was for us, but you could see it in his face and in the things he did say and didn't say. He already knows Davin, so there was not much to talk about. We did talk about how the paragraph that I had written did not really define who Davin is. The doctor agreed with me that in this case, we needed to make him sound as bad as possible, but that Davin is the boy we know, not what is on that paper. He signed the forms for us and we were ready for the other doctor.
The next doctor we have maybe met one other time. He could not have been more caring and considerate in the way he dealt with us. I had been praying that God would let me "keep it together". Since I am not a regular crier;-), when I do cry, it tends to be something rather ugly where my words can not even be understood. I wanted to be in control and I did not want Davin to feel like this was a huge deal. The doctor never said a word that would make Davin feel badly. He asked what he could do to help us beside signing the form. He asked some questions about where Davin goes to school and how he communicates.
We left without one tear falling! God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. The same will be true for our court date.
Davin and I talked this morning about the purpose for the appointments today and the upcoming court date. I told him that when people turn 18, they are supposed to make all of their decisions by themselves, but sometimes people need a little help. We are asking the court to let Davin have a little help in making decisions. No biggie. It is okay to need some help.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Words
Today I had to type some words at work that I did not necessarily like or agree with. The worst part is that they were about my own son. My brother-in-law/boss/attorney is getting ready to file the necessary paperwork for Alan and I to become Davin's legal guardian once he turns 18. (Otherwise, the state could step in and make decisions in his interest.) Davin will be 18 next month, so it needs to be done. The first step is to have our pediatrician sign a physician's affidavit. That is what I typed up today. Tomorrow Davin will go to the doctor. He will see his primary doctor and also one of the other doctors in the practice. It will last about an hour.
Today, I typed the words..."Davin Hester, an alleged incompetent individual". I didn't like those words. I also didn't like the words that I had to type describing what Davin can't do. I have always hated describing him that way. Can't we just talk about what he can do and what he is like? No, not for this. We just stick to the big facts. He is non-ambulatory, non-verbal, can not feed himself, wheelchair-bound and requires 24 hour a day care and his parents to make decisions for him. Does this sound like Davin to you? It doesn't sound like him to me, either. You know that Davin has his own ideas and likes to make the decisions around here:-) However, I understand the point and I realize we need to stick to the facts. I kept wanting to add things like...but he shows us clearly what he wants to do by finger pointing and eye gazing, but to write those things was not appropriate in this situation.
So, tomorrow I will take my son to the pediatrician, but it will not be a normal appointment. I am trusting that there will not be a whole lot said that will make Davin feel badly about himself. I will talk to Davin about what is going to happen (as I have been) in the morning and prepare him for what is ahead. Who will prepare me? This is hard.
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