Check It Out

If you have never read Adeye's blog, you are missing something.  She has a heart for children, orphans and in particular orphans with special needs.  If you scroll down far enough, you might even recognize someone:-)

Bad Teenager:-)

I have come to realize some things as I have gotten older.  I am NOT the fun parent.  I never have been and I don't think I ever will be.  I have fun with my kids, but I am not generally the one to think of the crazy fun things to do.  That is Alan.  He is the fun parent. 

I am however FUNNY.  My kids know it because I TELL them!!!  (Just to be sure they know.) 

Yesterday I asked Davin if I was funnier than his Dad and he shook his head (repeatedly) NO!!  What??  Then, he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.  I again asked the question.  Maybe he did not realize what I was saying and thought I was asking if I was funner than Dad.  Nope.  Same response.  Complete with the laughter at the end.  Hmph!!! 

A Little Time

Sometimes I can go with the flow.  Other times, I need some time to wrap my head around things.  I have learned over the years that giving myself that time is okay.  It's not whimpy and doesn't make me weak to take time to sort things out, process them and feel sad if I need to. 

My Cheney Boy left yesterday and headed "home" to NJ.  Just a few short weeks ago, we learned that everything was working out perfectly.  Our move back to NJ was scheduled for the middle of June.  We would spend the summer with Chey.  I began turning my attention away from our temporary living quarters here to my "home" in NJ.  I started thinking about the changes I would make, what colors I will paint the walls and where I would arrange furniture.  I had a timeline in my head for when things would get done. 

I contacted schools, told our pediatrician and the hardest thing of all, told the bus drivers that we would be moving in June.

The middle of last week, Alan's boss decided that we needed to stay here longer.  Wasn't it their idea for us to move in June???  Yup.  It was. 

So, our perfectly timed move is now not looking so perfect.  Of course, we have a car and will be shuffling back and forth to NJ so we can see our Cheney Boy (and Ashleigh, Kevin and Bethany, too:-), but it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. 

To top things off, the adoption process has me baffled.  We have been actively pursuing adoption for well over a year now.  We have made it a priority and yet our beds remain unfilled.  I am not waiting for a baby.  I am looking to have children that are hard to place.  I feel so ready. 


I do not like to feel discouraged and yet I am. 

If You Think...

If you think that you have to be verbal to talk back, you are wrong. 

If you think you cannot be willfully defiant because you are in a wheelchair, you are wrong.

Did Davin and I have an "incident" this morning?  Perhaps;-)

Renee

I don't know if I have any right to be so proud of her, but I am.  She is not technically my daughter yet, but in so many ways she already is.  Cheney's fiancee Renee graduated from Wheaton College on Sunday with her Bachelor of Science in Chemistry with certification in ACS BioChem.  Are you impressed?  I am!  She is not only super smart, but she is a sweet, sweet girl with a heart for Jesus.

Next up for Renee, Pharmacy School and then marriage!!! 

We are so proud of you Renee and are so thrilled that you are part of our family!

Are they not just the cutest?  And, do you notice the bling on her finger?  ;-)

I Would Have Missed This

Almost two years ago, we had a big decision to make.  Alan had been working in Rochester for almost a year and his temporary job had been extended for another year.  It would be a temporary move and to a very familiar place, but one thing was very different....we now had grown children.  They would not be coming with us.  I had a choice to make. 

I think Alan would have continued commuting if that is what I needed him to do, but I knew what the answer needed to be.  I needed to choose Alan.  I needed to say yes to going with him, even without the rest of our family.  It was a really hard decision and one that I wasn't sure I could go through with.  I know that God comes first and then Alan comes next, but in practice sometimes he gets shoved behind the kids. 

This was the time for me to show him that he is my priority.  This was the time for me to be a good example of a godly wife to our grown children and follow their Dad to Rochester.  It was hard.  Very hard. 

The rewards that I have gained from this past year and a half are many.  How many people get a "break" in the middle of their lives to regroup, reconnect and reorganize.  We have spent some wonderful time together as a couple.  With only having one boy in the house again, we have evenings to be together once again.  We have spent a ton of time with Davin Boy.  We have gone on lots of walks.  We have gone out for ice cream.  We have visited the touristy places in our area.  We have lost weight.  We have been exercising for 14 months.  We have grown spiritually.  We have bonded with our kids through many phone calls.  We have been blessed. 

If I said no, I would have missed all of this. 

He's Coming

Cheney finishes up his semester at college this week.  That means he is coming HOME!!  I am beyond excited and yet there are also many bittersweet things about this summer. 

This week I will get his room ready.  I will make sure he knows he is loved and he is wanted here.  Davin and I will talk about all of the things we will do when Brother is home.  We will plan to go to Sticky Lips together.  Maybe we can convince him to go with us to Niagara Falls, too. 

While I am getting his room ready, I will not forget that this is the last summer that my boy will come home to our home.  Next year, I will share (I know it is more of a hand-off, but I thought share implied that I was gladly doing it and not trying to get rid of him;-) one of my most prized possessions with a sweet young woman named Renee.  Next summer, he will go home to THEIR home after their wedding at the beginning of June. 

I know this is what we prepare them for their whole lives.  We want them to find the person who is their other half and who they can make a fabulous life with.  Somehow, it is still hard.  So, I will find my list of a thousand things to do for the last time before my baby boy gets married;-)  He will probably go along with most of them because he is sweet like that. 

And a Hush Falls Over the Crowd....

Davin making his way down court.

...literally, ever single person on the court (both players and their partners) were completely silent as they waited so patiently for Davin to decide who he would like to pass the basketball to:-) 

Davin joined a Special Olympics basketball team in our town 2 weeks ago.  It has been so fun to go and watch them practice.  The kids have varied levels of basketball abilities, but they are all so encouraging and patient with one another.  I love to watch them. 

Davin seemed nervous when we first walked in last week.  I had already explained to him that he would have a partner who would help him around the court.  He quickly made the decision that person was NOT to be me.  That is okay.  I can take it:-) 

Yesterday he was much more comfortable and was getting the hang of a few things.  (The boy has sat through quite a few basketball games in his life!)  Our goal for yesterday was to try to concentrate on trying a little bit harder to help to pass the ball or put it into the basket. 

How did we do on our goal?  Well...it is good to have goals;-)

The post scrimmage huddle.

It's Risky

Adoption is risky.  Adoption through foster care is full of unknowns.  Children don't end up without their parents without some kind of trauma to their young lives. 

The last couple of weeks, I have had serious doubts.  It just didn't seem there was a way for God to come through.  It seemed impossible. 

Because God is good all the time, he spoke to my heart specifically through my Bible study every single day this week.  (From Captivated by God, Women of the Word series) "First, God wants us to trust Him for impossible situations in our lives, and then He wants us to depend on Him entirely.

There are so many risks, so many unknowns and so many chances for my heart to be broken in this whole process.  Our kids are worth every. single. risk.  I am ALL IN. 

Afraid to Love by Matthew Hammitt~


Afraid to love, something that could break,


Could I move on, if you were torn away?

I'm so close to what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart, and pray it makes you whole



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing every fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



I won't let sadness steal you from my arms

I won't let pain keep you from my heart

Trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I share with you

You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.



Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me



You're gunna have all of me, you're gunna have all of me,

Cuz you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear

You're gunna know all my love, even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start

Right Now I am Loving...

sparkly pencils
talking about adoption
listening to Cheney's excitement about his upcoming wedding
getting phone calls from Ashleigh and listening to her taking care of the twins that she nannies for
anything Davin brings home from school that he has made (even if I am not sure what it is)
my pink Kindle cover (never read with my Kindle, but now I have a pink case and suddenly, I love it)
talking about weight loss/fitness/nutrition
7am (that is the time of day when our workout is wrapping up and I have 23 hours until I have to do it again)
purple
knowing that I have new windows in my house even though I haven't seen them yet
getting phone calls from my Bethany telling me about her day
that Davin was so sad when his Dad was leaving last night for a meeting
my Bible Study on Thursday nights
frozen yogurt
Friday morning talks with my dear friend
watching Alan scoop Davin up so he can sit with him
knowing that Cheney Boy will be home for the summer in a couple of weeks!!
working on a new color scheme for my living room/dining room

Friends Forever

A couple of weeks ago, I had a lunch date with a dear friend and two of her little granddaughters.  It is amazing what a couple of little girls can do to boost your spirits for weeks.  To start off, one of them mentioned to her grandmother that I was pretty.  The other one told me that I was nice.  I figured the day could hardly get any better than that.  I was already bouncing around on a cloud.  At the end of our lunch, before walking out the door, one of the girls told us to put all of our hands in together and shouted "Friends Forever"!!  It just got better!!!  I left there amazed what a couple little encouraging words could do to encourage me for days and days. 

I went home and recommended to Alan that he try it with his team at work.  (He did not feel led to follow my advice.)  I told my sister that she and her co-worker should do it in the nurse's office where she works.  (They laughed about it, but didn't do it.)  I told my Bible study girls and we did it before leaving for the night!! 

Why not end every gathering with a "Friends Forever" cheer??  Try it!!

Mexico Pictures

Better late than never??  ;-) 

Obedience

Over the last week, I have mulled some things over.  Reality has settled in.  I never expected it to take this long for us to begin to be matched up with kids.  It is discouraging.  It is frustrating.  I could be mad that the process took so long. 

I could be, except I KNOW that my God has a plan for all of our lives.  My kids who are not yet home, as well as our biological family.  God was so clear in leading us.  He will continue to lead, but I am disappointed.  I can feel it more and more as I process things.  I feel ready.  We have done the work to prepare.  Where are our kids? 

If we move from here soon, (which looks probable) we will have to start the whole process all over again (says NJ).  So what have we gained by doing all of this??

We did what God told us to do.  That has to be enough.

The Plan?

God is in it.  I know He is.  He has not filled me in on all of the details, however.  But, you know what?  He doesn't have to.  My job is to be obedient. 

We have been pursuing the adoption of a sibling group (not one in particular) for a year now.  We received our home study one week ago today.  Presently, our lease is till the end of June.  Alan and I are trying to decide how long we should try to extend it.  Maybe the end of September?  Or December?  Or are we just trying to give God more time that He doesn't need because He knows how this is all going to play out.  He knows that Cheney is coming home to NJ for his last summer as a single college student and that this Momma's heart can't miss all of that.  God also knew that NJ was going to say that no part of our home study will transfer.  Not even our classes.  We will have to be in NJ to start the process all over again if we leave here without adopting.  We have felt very strongly this is what we were to be doing.  In the end, nothing else is important except that we obey.  I believe we are doing that. 

Praying that God will continue to guide us in these murky and yet exciting waters. 

Now There is Too Much to Write...

I have been away from blogging for such a long time now and in the past few days have come on to try to catch up on some of your lives.  Now, as I try to come up with a post for today, I feel so far behind and think there is way too much to say. 

*Alan and I went away by ourselves for 11 days at the end of February/beginning of March.  We celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary and also a year of regular exercise, changing our diet and steady weight loss.  Bethany and Cheney stayed with Davin (who was sick for much of the time:-( and we are so thankful for kids who love us and are happy for us to get away.

*Our home study came in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There are still sooo many decisions to be made and plans to work out, but God is in control of it all and we are so happy to have that magic report in our hands:-)

*You saw pictures from Cheney's proposal:-)  I go back and forth between being so excited about the whole thing and then mourning my baby boy leaving our nest.  So many emotions.  He could not be cuter, though and we are really thrilled.  There are just times when it hits me... like when he is talking to me about his wedding ring and suddenly I can't breathe anymore. 

*I kidnapped Bethany and Rocky and had them with us here for a little over a week.  I think I was very close to convincing Bethany to stay up here, but she was just accepted on a team to go on a missions trip to Africa in the summer!!!! so there is much to do with that and unfortunately for me, she will have to be in NJ for that. 

*Ashleigh continues to rock her classes and is on her way to getting her personal trainer certification.  I am so proud of all of the long hours and dedication she puts in.  Of course, there is also that little job she has taking care of 2 two-year-olds all day long:-) 

*Davin Boy had a talent show on Friday.  Of course, he was amazing!! 

*Some work is being done at our house in NJ to prepare for more people living there in the near future!!!  That is exciting!!! 

No Words

Blind??

Tonight, Davin was sitting on Alan's lap.  Alan must have rubbed Davin's face with his scruff and accidentally rubbed in Davin's eye.  I wasn't watching what was happening since I was on the phone, but all of the sudden, I saw Davin's eyes shut, his face turn red and he was about to burst into tears.  I told my sister I would call her back and ran over to Davin.  Alan explained he thought he scratched his eye.  Davin sat there with his eyes closed for many minutes (Davin cannot keep his eyes closed on purpose generally.  If ever he can, he loves it and pretends he is asleep and then laughs).  I got a wet washcloth to see if it would help it feel better.  He hated the wash cloth.  So, we sat there and waited until he felt like he could open his eye so I could look at it.  I am envisioning a doctor appointment or something.  Then, Davin throws his head back with his eyes closed and starts throwing his arms out wildly in front of him like he now has to feel his way because he is blind.  Then, comes the giggle.  Since he hurt his eye and could control having them shut (it really was red and it was tearing up), he figured he would play a little joke.  He thought he might pretend that he was blind.  What a funny guy.  I called my sister back and explained what had happened while Davin listened intently with a huge smile on his face:-) 

True Love

I am taking a guess by assuming that when Alan and I got married one week after my 18th birthday, there were probably bets as to how long we would last.  We were young, but we knew a secret.  The feelings might not always be there, but the commitment, the true love can be.  We made a commitment before God to continue to love each other.  That is an action, it is a verb.  We have not always done it beautifully, but we are in this for the long haul, and truthfully, most of it has been a joy. 

Happy Valentine's Day to my Alan Scott!  I love you and am so glad that God chose you for me. 

Maybe You?

When Davin was diagnosed, it was crushing.  I felt like I was literally just broken into pieces.  The "perfect" family that I thought I had was now ruined (or so I thought).  I was scared, I was overwhelmed and I had no idea what I was in for.  Then the equipment started invading our house.  First, a corner chair came.  Then, a stander and later an adaptive stroller.  This different world was taking over my house, my life. 

If I had gotten to choose my life (or what I thought was the perfect life), I would have missed out on so very much.  I would have missed out on the blessings that God brings our way because of the path He chose for us.  I would have missed a sweet note from a man that we met several months ago as he described how Davin has touched his life.  I would have missed so much. 

I can imagine that the thought of having a child who is so dependent on you might seem scary.  I thought it was scary, too, once upon a time.  You might look at me and think it is great that I do it, but that you could never have the patience, love or endurance to do it.  Or maybe you do have what it takes. 

Today I got an email from a woman who shared information about a little boy who is waiting for a forever family.  He is 5 years old and was born with cerebral palsy just like Davin was.  His story is different, though.  He is living in a children's hospital and has been there for his entire life.  His birth family is not able to care for him at home and have made the loving decision to allow him to be adopted so that he can go HOME.  I watched the video of Alex here and my heart melted.  He appears to be so happy.  I can't even imagine how he will blossom living in a home with a family.  What are you missing out on by not being his Mom? 

Check out the website and see this adorable little boy who has so much to give a family.  His smile and laugh are absolutely beautiful.  If you would like more information about sweet Alex, please contact Debra.  

Little Dabin

Ashleigh is a nanny for 2 year-old twin girls.  They have done a couple of things with Davin and I and talk about Davin now or really they say "Dabin".  Right before Christmas, the girls came over with Ashleigh and we all made cookies together.  We had such a fun day.  During the day, the girls were playing with a school bus toy and we gave it to them.  It is one that has a ramp and has some little people that go with it.  Ever since they got the bus home, the girls began calling one of the little people "Dabin":-)  It is always the same one and both girls always call that one particular little dark-skinned boy "Dabin".  It is adorable.  The other little people are just boy or girl.  Cracks me up!