A Case of Mistaken Identity

We were flying into Chicago's O'Hare Airport to visit Cheney at Wheaton College.  We wanted to get out to visit Cheney at school one more time since he is in his last semester.  Alan, Davin and I were traveling together and we pretty much have our system down to a science.  Alan carried Davin off of the plane for me and placed him in his toxic green wheelchair that was waiting for us at the gate.  Alan walked back onto the plane to get our carry-on luggage while I got Davin situated in his chair. 

I was concentrated on what I was doing with Davin, so wasn't paying close attention to what/who was around me, but do remember that there were lots of people waiting for their gate checked bags and there were a couple of young airline employees in front of us with wheelchairs for other passengers.  I heard two of the young employees talking about one of the Chicago Bear football players.  It caught my attention because this player's name is very close to my son's name.  Just off by one letter.  His name is Devin and he has our same last name.  I remember hearing them talking about what they would do if they saw this football player and that they planned to take a picture with their phone.  I glanced up from what I was doing and saw them using their phones and I am imagining they were looking the player up online so they would recognize him. 

Nothing struck me as odd yet.  I thought how crazy it was that this player was on the same plane with us and I hadn't even heard anything about it.  Then, I finished Davin's seat belt on his chair and looked up and saw one of the empty wheelchairs sitting behind Davin's.  In HUGE letters on the back of the chair it said "HESTER".  OOOOHHHH!!!  The chair was there for Davin!!  The chair was also enormous!!  I looked at the young employees who were still anxiously awaiting the football player's entrance and I broke the news to them.  I told them that my son was Davin Hester, that he had his own chair and that he would definitely not need one quite so big:-)  They said they were sorry.  (I am not sure why.  They did not do something to offend us;-)  They said they could see the resemblance and I said that it made sense since their physiques are so similar.  Ha! 

It cracked me up for the rest of the day.  My Davin weighs a whopping 69 pounds.  I have never paid that much attention to the football player other than to look up when I hear his name, but I am guessing he probably has at least 200 pounds on my boy. 

I told Davin we should have offered to sign autographs while we were there! 

If I'm Late...

If I am late to church or any other meeting please know that...



Davin may have had a hard time eating this morning.  Some days he eats quickly and other days needs a lot more time.  Some days he coughs and coughs while eating and I have to slow way down.  Some days I shed some tears while dealing with this.

Right before leaving, I may have realized that Davin really needed a nebulizer treatment.  It takes time and I can't mess around with him not having one if he needs it. 

Davin may need to be changed (again), except that I didn't realize it until he was already in the car.  I then had to take him out of the car, take him in the house, change him and get him back into the car.

Maybe Davin's breakfast got all over his clothes and I had to change his shirt or pants before heading out the door.  If I had to change his pants, then I may have had to take his MAFOs and shoes off as well.

Even though I look like I have things together, I don't always.  Sometimes I am frazzled.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed.  I like to look like I have things under control.  Know that on the outside, I may be handling things, but on the inside, I may not be.

When you met me and asked me how old my kids are and I answered 19, 21, 25 and 27, that is really very deceiving.  You think I am a parent of all adult children and can easily come and go.  I do not go anywhere very easily and have spent 26 of the last 27 years with a baby in a lot of ways.  As hard as I try to be the parent of adult children because that is the normal progression of things, I have to realize that in many ways, I am not.

Please know that I am still feeding my child every.single.meal that he eats every.single.day.  I will never be able to remind him to eat his breakfast and then be able to walk away and get myself ready. 

I am writing this post more to me than to you:-) 

Blessed

All of my children have student loans.  A lot of student loans.  (Well, except for Davin because he decided that college is stupid and he is not going:-)  It has been a struggle to even secure the loans for them.  We have taken out loans and they have taken out loans to complete their education. 

Cheney went into his last semester at college this year with no idea how it was going to be paid for.  We knew he needed to go.  He needed to finish, but Alan's job was ending in September and we did not feel comfortable taking out one more loan in that situation. Cheney is already carrying so many student loans, that he did not know if he could swing another one.  So, he returned to school last month knowing that we had until the end of the semester to figure it out and we waited.  I was just praying yesterday or the day before about it.  Asking God to please provide a way for his semester to be paid for.  Not knowing how in the world it could happen. 

Last night we got a call from Cheney Alan.  He received an email saying that "an anonymous donor had graciously paid his ENTIRE bill for this semester".  The bill was $15,000 and it is paid.  My heart is overwhelmed and humbled by a God who meets our needs and doesn't need our help to figure out how to meet them. 

The picture above is from Cheney celebrating a strike while bowling, but it seems like it might also reflect how he feels now:-)  A celebration as a burden is lifted by a God who loves us very much and laid our need on someone's heart. 

The Hips Don't Lie

Davin's hips don't lie.  Neither do his hip x-rays:-(  After watching Davin's right hip (He has major surgery on the left one almost five years ago.) for the last several months and seeking the advice of our long time physical therapist, we went to the orthopedic surgeon today with our x-rays in hand.  Sure enough...Davin's hip is out of the socket.  Bummer...  Five years ago, his left hip was going out of the socket, but not yet out and that is an easier surgery.  Our doctor assured us that in general, kids who are older teens do not have tone that changes sides, so that the good hip should stay good (at that time, it was the right one).  Well, Davin is a tricky boy and his tone did change.  It changed a lot. 

Our doctor feels that he is leaning toward just leaving it alone.  Davin is not experiencing any discomfort and can still do all of the things that he did before.  Although we are struggling with much tighter muscles for some reason (maybe growth spurts), he is still able to sit well while assisted and is permitted to be in the stander.  In six weeks, we will go back and readdress the situation.  That gives our doctor some time to think things through and also for us to consider the options. 

Davin had been nervous.  I had been explaining my concerns to people and he was really worried.  He was not happy about having the x-rays this morning, either, and I wasn't sure why.  I am wondering if he was thinking that if he didn't get the x-rays, then the doctor couldn't say he needed surgery.  Anyway, once the doctor said he was leaning toward no surgery, Davin was beside himself because he was so happy.  Love that boy.

Triangle Eyes

I have triangle eyes and some day you may see me with scotch tape holding up my eyelids.  Don't laugh.  It's true.  It's in my genes.  I have wrapped my head around the whole idea and, as I am now 45, I start to feel my eyelids are just a little bit heavier than they used to be.  In my family, I am not the only one with triangle eyes. 

My grandmother was one of four girls.  Their names were Alberta, Gladys (real name Esther, but she liked Gladys better:-), Hazel and Marjorie.  How great are their names?  Gladys was my Nanny.  Well, those girls had triangle eyes.  When I saw one of my aunts in the mall quite a few years back, she had scotch tape on both of her eyelids.  I was rather surprised.  I had never seen someone sporting scotch tape.  After discussing it with my sister, she told me that her eyes (the triangle ones) had started to droop, but insurance would not cover the surgery yet.  Her eyelids were impairing her vision, so easy fix...scotch tape on the eyes.  Much cheaper, quicker recovery and it is clear:-) 

I inherited those triangle eyes, but I hope I inherited something so much more from those Sooy Sisters.  They were quite a bunch.  The four of them got together once a week (with the two husbands who were still living) and played cards as far back as my earliest memories.  I remember that once I had my four children, I wanted my children to be like the Sooy Sisters.  I wanted them to love spending time together like my Nanny and her sisters did.  Then, one of the sisters was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  My Nanny (who was not particularly brave about medical stuff and told me definitely NOT to call her when I went into labor, but only after the baby was born!) moved her sister Alberta into her house, and those sisters took care of her.  The other sisters would come at different times during the day to ensure Nanny wasn't there alone.  I did not live nearby at that point, but through many, many phone calls, I heard all about the sacrificial love those sisters poured out as they said goodbye to their biggest sister.  I was proud.  Proud to be the granddaughter of Gladys.  Proud to have such love and devotion in my blood. 

When I look in the mirror and see my eyelids drooping a little bit more, it doesn't really remind me of getting older.  It just reminds me of love.  Passed down through an incredible example. 

A Little Obsessed??

I took Davin to meet a new doctor last week.  I answered a ton of questions about Davin, but for some reason when the doctor asked how "weight was" I wondered if he meant mine or Davin's.  Quickly, I caught myself before blurting out how I had lost 26.2 pounds:-)  I simply asked him if he meant Davin's weight.  He looked at me and said yes and said he didn't mean mine or his and that he had put on a couple of pounds.  I did sneak in, "well, I lost a couple", but that was it:-)  Hmm, maybe I am a little obsessed with my exercising and weight loss, you think???

Re-Moving

I must say that it is rather strange to re-move into a home.  There is also something very comfortable about it.  The area is not new, the house is not new.  It fits. 

We moved  back to our little house on the meadow one week ago.  Davin and I have been packing, unpacking and sorting for almost two weeks now.  I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that Davin is over it!  He is ready for his life to have a little fun in it and I am pretty sure he does not want to see me organize one more closet or unpack one more box.  Poor Davin.  Last night we did take a little break and head over to my in-laws for some dinner and visiting.  Davin was thrilled. 

I feel like I have a new attitude since coming back.  Maybe God needed to move me away to deal with my heart.  There was time that was wasted since living in NJ.  I never seemed to quite be settled in some ways.  I kept waiting for something else to happen.  When we move into our own house... When we put an addition on the house...  You get the picture.  So do I.  No more living like that. 

So, I have taken our cute little house and organized it like crazy.  I have hung new pictures on the wall and taken a lot of time to arrange the furniture.  It feels like home. 

I have one more room to tackle today to make my goal for the week.  You see, a certain Cheney Boy is coming home from vacation with Renee's family tomorrow.  He will be here for one week and then be moving back to college and onto the rest of his life.  I am ready to suck every second out of the next week with my boy. 

I feel like singing, "I've Got a New Attitude"!!! 

Learning

I learned a lot of things in the last week.  We had our first opportunity to have foster children in our home.  They were here for a very short time, but there were so many lessons learned. 

*I can't do this if Alan is not with me.  If he ends up with a job traveling all the time, we would have to change our course. 

*I absolutely can be a parent to a child who has a different shade of skin color than me:-)  This has never been an issue for me, but this last week just confirmed that in my heart.  Color just doesn't matter.  I am very thankful for my school years where I learned this lesson.

*Having children in my home is HARD.

*Davin needs to have his own room for many reasons.

*Alan and I are a team. 

*Instead of looking for children who are already freed for adoption, it is my hope that we are the first home that our kids come to, that we can all work through the issues together and that they will remain in our home until they become freed for adoption.  (Even if that means that we have foster kids and they don't end up staying with us forever before we end up with the kids God has for us.)

I don't want to write any specifics of our time, but I will share that it was much harder than I even could have imagined.  In the end, though,  both Alan and I decided that God has called us to this and we will continue to walk this path.

I can tell you that there were tears, there were frustrations, but there were also smiles, laughs and funny things said. 

Double Life

I am almost finished living a double life.  It hasn't been a secret double life, but it has been a double life in so many ways.  I am kind of a resident of two states.  I have two homes.  I do continue to keep my same husband in both lives, though, so I think that is good;-) 

One week from tomorrow, I will have my apartment packed up and ready to head back to my little house on the meadow and my other three kids.  This will be move #18 for me, I believe. 

I have such mixed emotions about the whole thing.  No mistake about it, I have missed being near my older kids!!  I have missed my little house on the meadow.  I have missed my dog:-)  (Bethany, don't argue!)  I have missed our extended families and some dear friends.  It will be wonderful to be back. 

But....I still consider upstate NY home.  I can't help it.  It is the place where I have spent the majority of my adult life.  I have the most memories with my kids here. I have wonderful friends and a great church.  I like the pace of life in Rochester and I love the people here.  Davin's school here is AMAZING! 

I live two lives, but not for long now. 

  "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;"
                                                -Philippians 1:6

What a blessing this verse was to me this morning as I prepared for my Bible study this evening.  I have been stressed and concerned over some things that are out of my control.  I have seen God at work and I know He will continue it. 

Juice Fast Acceptable Alterations

At least these are my acceptable alterations.  Alan would disagree with me;-)

1.  Chocolate covered raisins continue to be a healthy snack and you may eat a few if you just "need a little something sweet", especially if you have just had some juice heavy on the broccoli and wanted to vomit.

2.  If your body is needing a piece of chicken, EAT THE PIECE OF CHICKEN....and I did:-)

3. Since you make up the amount of days you want to do the juice fast, you may change the number of days without guilt.

On a serious note (well, the above is pretty serious, too), we did get a lot out of the juice fast.  Alan totally did the juice fast for three days, not the original five, but he felt like he had no energy.  I decided to eat one meal a day and for my body that worked great.  I think we will keep juicing in our eating plan at least for one meal a day.  Currently, we are still juicing at breakfast and feel great getting such a good blend of nutrition right after working out. 

Probably the biggest problem for me is me:-)  As much of a rule follower as I am, there are just some things that I hate to be boxed in about.  I think my eating is one of them.  By giving myself some grace, I do much better about it. 

Balance

I always love to have Davin home, but during times where he is off of school, I can very easily get entirely focused on the work of it all.  I can go from meal to meal and all of the chores while forgetting to just relax and enjoy my boy.  Alan balances me perfectly in this way.  He is never in a hurry to get Davin into bed or rush through the day with him.  He reminds me that we are not in a hurry and the work is no big deal.  I think I will keep both of them:-)

Interesting People

Davin and I were out and about today for most of the day.  As we are out and about and people watch me getting Davin in and out of the car and stores with "my system", it is so interesting to see how people react to me.  I freely admit that much of "my system" looks awkward to an outsider, but it works for me and I have it down pat. 

Among the various people we encountered today, one sweet older man came up to me and asked if there was anything he could do to help me.  I told him I so appreciated his offer, but that we were good.  We headed over to Wegman's for our last errand (maybe Friday afternoon is not the best time to run into Wegman's if you happen to be using a wheelchair and a cart) and as I went out the side door near our car, I opened the door with my backside and wheeled Davin outside, while holding the door open and then while watching Davin so he didn't roll away, I pulled my cart outside while still holding the door with my foot.  It was then that I noticed the young Wegman's employee who probably had "helping hands" embroidered on his shirt.  He quietly waited over to the side as to not be in my way;-)  Very nice of him, indeed.  (Okay, maybe that was a little sarcastic.)  Truth be told, I never mind looking like Wonder Woman juggling the chair and groceries and the door:-)  I know it is prideful and I am working on it, just being honest. 

So Far...

So far the juice fast is not...well, let's just say that I am not loving it.  I am not hating it, either.  I am pretty sure one of the other people living with me is hating it, though.  I don't want to mention any names, but one of my guys is very crabby and miserable about not eating.  Not sure I have ever seen him whining and complaining like this.  Maybe he learned it from me;-) 

So, I think I am adapting my program for the next five days.  I think (but am not positive) that I will eat one meal a day and juice the other two meals.  The other person I mentioned before is not budging.  He insists that this is "the program".  Five days.  I tried to tell him that we made up "the program" and we can change it if it is not working for us.  Silly boy. 

One of the other men in my life is loving trying all of the different juice creations.  Some he likes and drinks a bit of and some he doesn't like.  I am super excited that this may be a way to get some different foods into him that he can't normally eat.  I still haven't mentioned any names, right?  ;-)

Juice Fast

In our journey to a healthier lifestyle, Alan and I have tried and adapted many things in both our eating habits and our activity levels.  The next stop on our journey is diving into a juice fast.  Our first juice fast starts Thursday morning and will last five days.  The fruits and veggies have been bought and the Vitamix Professional Series 500 arrived on our doorstep today.  We have done some research and gotten recipes.  Let the next adventure begin!

A Garden Visit

We have been blessed this week with a visit from my parents.  Prior to my Dad's traumatic brain injury, my parents did quite a bit of traveling.  Nothing too far, but lots of weekend trips and things like that.  Since my Dad's TBI, it is a much bigger deal for them to think about leaving the comfort of home and their daily routine.  I was so excited when I mentioned they might want to return to upstate NY with us and visit for a few days, and they said yes! 

Yesterday we visited a local mansion and it's beautiful gardens.  We had a great time and it was a beautiful day for it.

Adoption Update

After going through the process and becoming home study ready in upstate NY, we are now getting ready to leave and move back to NJ.  We have to start over from scratch:-(  Last week, we attended the orientation meeting (Yup, we even have to attend the orientation meeting again!) and got our application.  It appears that the process here will be much quicker and for that we are so excited.  I will keep you updated, but for now, it looks that it will be several months before we have the possibility of having children in our home. 

God knows why we needed to do the whole process in NY and then move without our kids.  He knows where our kids are and He knows when they will be ready to come home with us.  We can't wait.  Pressing on.....

Humbled

Once a year, we have a golf tournament called Duffers for Davin.  It raises money for Davin to attend special intensive physical therapy.  It has provided the funds for us to be able to do this for the last 11 years. 

Each year we go and I am just amazed and humbled at the whole process.  To think of 70 or more golfers coming to support Davin is overwhelming to me.  Our family is truly blessed by both these people who have known us a long time and those who only know us through the golf tournament and yet they all feel led to support my boy.  I am so humbled and honored. 

A Star is Born

Well, I knew Davin might be sad to leave camp, but tears???  Real ones???  I wasn't expecting that.  As soon as he saw us, he hardly made eye contact.  Much to concentrate on to get ready for the program:-)  I understood.  He was enjoying his last little bit at camp.  But, then, I saw his eyes.  There were tears in his eyes.  He actually shed some tears every now and then during the couple of hours that we were at camp.  A small part of me was sad that he wasn't the son who was hugging his Mom so glad to see her.  A huge part of me was SO thankful that my boy had such a great time at camp that he hated to leave.  How awesome is that?  My non-verbal, non-ambulatory, feeding-issue, boy with asthma goes to camp just like lots and lots of other kids!!  I am so thrilled for him.  Feeling so thankful tonight and blessed that a fantastic group of people loved my boy for five days and took excellent care of him while giving him fun, fun, fun and helping him to grow spiritually.  Also excited that Davin can go to this camp for the rest of his life!

As if I didn't know my Bubby was dramatic, he had a part in the drama today during the closing program.  Complete with costume and everything.  Adorable!! 

I have so much more to write about, but can't seem to make much sense right now:-)

Love

Cheney and Renee are living far away from each other this summer.  I know it must be hard to be engaged and not be near each other.

Since Renee is now part of our family and we have Davin's golf tournament on Monday, Renee is coming today!!  So, my Cheney Boy gets to go pick up his girl from the airport:-) 

They are pretty cute, aren't they?