The Looks I Get

Tomorrow is the first day of summer school. This year and for the past couple of years, we have signed Davin up for summer school. His siblings all have jobs and with our house being pretty quiet in the summertime, it seems like a better option for him. I know that summer school is much more laid back. They do fun things and go on lots of walks.

When all of the kids were home for the summers, we decided that Davin would stay home from summer school. He just missed too much being away from the house. We would either have to wait for him to get home from his half day or he would miss whatever activity we were doing and we didn't like that.

Since Davin stayed home for all of summer break for most of his life, he knows what summer feels like. He knows it is not one or two weeks. A couple of years ago, when we first decided to send him to summer school, he looked at me with a pretty annoyed look when he was riding up the lift on the bus. It was a look that said to me, "I know what summer vacation is and I KNOW this was not it!!". I had to chuckle and yet he was not amused.

The other night, Davin was in the tub and I was talking to him about school stopping for the summer and then how he would go to summer school just a few days later. Davin started shaking his head no back and forth and back and forth. He hardly ever shakes his head and certainly doesn't do it consistently. I kept talking to him and telling him how much fun summer school is and how they do fun things and Davin just kept shaking his head no over and over and over again. In between, he would look at me like I was crazy for thinking summer school was a good idea.

So, tomorrow when the lift takes his sparkly black wheelchair up, I wonder what look I will get from Davin. It seems he has made his feelings pretty clear:-) Maybe if I have some kind of great snack waiting for him when he gets home....that seems to work pretty well for boys.

Perplexed

I have been married to Alan for 25 years. We have been in a relationship for 28 years and I have known him since I was 8 or 9 years old. So, you would think in that amount of time, he would know certain things about me. Along the way, he must have missed a couple of things.

Alan and Bethany graciously went to the store for me last night. I needed to make a pie and wanted to get started on that right after evening church, so they were willing to make the trip to the store so I wouldn't have to. I gave them a list and on that list was a birthday card. Today is a friend's birthday and I wanted to get her a card. No big deal. I just needed a card for a friend. No worries. I had total faith in the team that I had sent to do the job.

After they got home and unloaded the groceries, Alan instructed Bethany to show me the card they had gotten for me. They were both smiling. Okay, no problem. They got a funny card. I am funny. I like funny cards.

Bethany showed me the front and it was talking about animals or something. Okay, it was cute. She opens it up and inside the card, they are talking about poop. What???? They got me a card that had the word "poop" in it and then to top it off, there was a picture of poop with flies flying around it. I looked at Alan and asked him what in my life made him think that I would be able to give a card about "poop" to anyone. He smiled again and said he thought I would think it was funny. Really?? Are you sure you were thinking of me, the one you have known for most of your life?? Hmmm....

I guess we still have some things to find out about each other. No worries, though. My sister came to the rescue and I traded her my "poop" card for a nice friend card. My nephew will LOVE giving that to one of his friends:-)

Some Ugliness

Today I was ugly. I wasn't the only one, but nonetheless, I was ugly. I am responsible for my own actions. My son and I had a bit of a shouting match and it looked to be taking a very bad turn. Everything is fine now, but being a parent to college age and young adults is a very difficult task for me. The lines seem blurry, the goal unclear. It all seemed much easier when they were younger and I knew my role. It was so clearly defined. I could go into my parenting with assurance and gusto. Now, I am not always sure. Teach me, Lord.

As for Bethany, she is plugging away. God has been good and she worked through lots of things in the last couple of weeks. She is getting her wits about her and looking for what God has for her next. If you think to pray for Bethany, she could use prayer about the direction God would have her go.

Davin's golf tournament is a week from tomorrow. We are really short on everything and it is hard not to panic. God knows, though. I tell myself that over and over. He will not stop providing for Davin's needs. Praise God.

This Long Week

I saw this week coming, and yet could not really visualize how it would all play out. This week I watched someone I love very much have to make an excruciating decision. It was painful to watch and yet I am so proud of her.

Bethany's wedding date had been set for July 10th of this year. Just six weeks away... real doubts had set in a few weeks ago. Finally, on Monday night after talking things through with her Daddy, she was able to come to the decision she knew was right. She and Jeff were not right for each other. There were many, many tears. There was relief. There was assurance from God over and over again that this was the right decision. God is good all the time. In the midst of the hard, painful times, we see Him so clearly. I am so thankful that God loves my Bethany more than I can even imagine and that is A LOT.

My husband is not perfect. I do not share his imperfect times on my blog. I know that I only write about him when I am sharing good things. That is how I choose to write my blog. Although he is not perfect, I can say that I could not have asked for a better father for my children. I could not even have dreamed of all the things that he is to them. I have watched his relationships with them for their entire lives and it has always been one of my greatest joys. But, watching him lovingly care for his baby girl (okay, she's 22, but still..) and talk her through everything and then finally say the words that could free her from her commitment that she felt so strongly, the words that would let her crumble so that God could rebuild something beautiful, I was just in awe. With tears in my eyes, I watched one of the most painful and yet beautiful moments that I may ever witness. His love for her is immense and it showed. Her love for him is the same. It also showed.

I must say that this week has been one of the hardest. It has hurt to watch Bethany walk through such a difficult time. It has been a joy to watch her siblings and friends and family love her and cling to her and pray her through this time. God is good. He brings us to the place we need to be to be able to work in us his perfect will. God has His best in store for Bethany and I can't wait to see what it is.

Finding Yet Another Thing....

Today I found yet another water sport that I am a disaster at:-) Early this morning, our whole gang headed out of the hotel and rented a speed boat. We had it for two whole hours and it came complete with a wake board, jet skis and a tube. We held Davin tight while he screamed in delight as the wind blew in his face. We started taking turns on the tube. Bethany did it first and then Cheney took a turn and he was like a professional tube rider!! I was impressed. Next was Lexi's turn. She was a bit more "apprehensive" about the whole thing, but she did great. I was especially impressed with Cheney when I went to take my turn. I could hardly make myself jump out of the boat into the dark water. (Just thinking about that makes me feel a bit nauseous!) I finally managed to make myself jump in and then had to get on top of the tube. That was no easy feat for me and I hadn't even started riding yet! I finally managed to get up on the tube and rode for a little ways. It was fun! However, at the end of my ride, I fell into the water (again making me a bit nervous. Who knew what was in there? We had just visited Alligator Adventure earlier in the week!) Lastly, I had to get back INTO the boat. I thought I would never make it. I tried and tried and was so tired from my ride, I had no energy left to hoist myself back into the boat. Eventually, with my ever graceful moves and help from my strong Cheney Boy, I made it back into the boat safe and sound. Cheney and Bethany took more turns and did just great! Cheney even tried the wake board (which looks sooo very hard), but he was never able to get up on it this time.

For lunch, we ate at Hamburger Joe's. I enjoyed this so much, partly because it reminded me of Charlie's burgers from the Rochester area. I always loved that place and it was nice to have something similar. We had seen a commercial for this place and so Alan found it for me so we could all go. I decided I would like a t-shirt from the place since I had wanted to go there so badly, but unfortunately, the ones they had all had something written on it that I would not wear, so....no shirt.

Having gotten up so early, we still had tons of daylight left. We headed to the pool for a little bit more sun. Alan and Davin took a swim and then we all headed back up to rest for a bit. Tonight we spend some time packing up as this is our last night in Myrtle Beach. Tomorrow morning, we head to New Bern, NC where we will spend a couple more days before finally heading home.

We have had such a wonderful time together as a family (minus our Ashleigh and Kevin).

Monday

Today was a much slower day than yesterday. We realized we had been running Davin ragged in the past couple of weeks, so today we took it easy for the day. We all slept in and had a nice breakfast in the late morning. I like having the time to do that. After we got all cleaned up, we decided to head down to the pool for a little while. Bethany and Lexi were already down when Davin and I arrived. Davin had a great time swimming with the girls.

Bethany and Lexi and Aunt Sharon and Chelsea had made an appointment to go horseback riding at 2 pm. While they were gone, we just lounged around and enjoyed playing Phase 10 with Grandmom and Leah (another one of my nieces who is here, but I forgot to mention.) We had a nice time munching and playing the card game.

Bethany and Lexi got back to report to us how horseback riding went. The look on Lexi's face really said it all. Lexi is not a fan of horses or horseback riding. This was her first experience doing that and I think it may be her last. It sounded like an hour and a half of torture. I could not help but remember a similar horseback riding experience that I had in Aruba. This was two and a half hours of terror. Just pure terror. Much to Lexi's credit, she did not cry while on her horseback ride. During my ride, I was sobbing within two minutes of leaving. I definitely knew I would not be going with them today:-)

Tonight we will let Davin get a little bit of extra sleep, so we can do something fun tomorrow. What will it be?

For Ashleigh

This week we are on vacation in Myrtle Beach! We planned this vacation about ten months ago and have looked forward to it. Ashleigh was unable to come with us at the last minute, so we will update the blog with pictures to show her what we are doing. We miss you, Loubie!

Sunday was our first full day in Myrtle Beach. We went to the beach in the morning, which was no easy task. It has been about four years since we have taken Davin to the beach. It gets a bit harder as he gets bigger. When he was little, we carried him all the way down. As he grew, we took turns carrying him. Several years ago, I got a sled and pulled him on it when we got to the sand. This year, we drug his wheelchair backwards across the sand and then had a bath chair for him down by the water. It worked out pretty good, but I am not sure we will be hitting the beach every day;-)

Later in the day, we rounded everyone up (Alan's brother and his family are here, too. Also, Alan's parents are here.) except for Grandmom and Grandpop and went to the aquarium. We loved it and some of us even got to touch stingrays!

After the aquarium, we walked around Broadway on the Boardwalk (not sure if that is the real name) looking in shops, picking up a couple of souveniers and eating dinner at a Japanese steakhouse. Great day, but a very full day. I don't think all of our days will be quite so jam-packed.

Also, you may notice that we have an extra person with us. Her name is Alexis (Lexi) and she came with us on vacation!

Two Sisters

I have two daughters. They have been very different their whole lives. When Ashleigh was 2 and Bethany was about 6 months old, Ashleigh gave me my first big parenting challenge. She had always been a great sleeper and really needed lots of sleep. However, her will was like iron and she made up her mind that she would not go to sleep at night. I tried everything. I certainly was not a pushover kind of mom even way back at the beginning, but I just could not conquer this problem. We went for months where it would take me up to 4 hours to get one 2-year-old to sleep. I was beside myself. Ashleigh was miserable every day because she wasn't getting enough sleep. Finally, I got a system that worked and I was declared the winner (at least in the eyes of the willful 2 year-old. Phew!).

As soon as I had a handle on the bedtime problem, I decided that in a way it was good. Since I finally had figured out how to deal with this problem with Ashleigh, when Bethany went through the sleeping problem, I would know exactly what to do and it would be fine.

Silly, silly me...

Bethany did not go through the sleeping problem. She and Ashleigh have rarely had similar issues-problems-crisis. They are totally different. They adore each other and have always been best friends, but they are different.

Now we are planning Bethany's wedding. You would think I would be an expert at this because I planned a wedding just two years ago.

True to how different my two girls are, there are not many things about this wedding that will be like Ashleigh's wedding. Ashleigh got married in a church and had a sit down reception in a banquet hall. Bethany is getting married outside and the reception will be outside. Totally different things to think about for Bethany's big day.

I am not surprised. I just smile because I think that their weddings will just be a reflection of the people that they are and I think that is a pretty good thing.

My Alan Scott

I have so many things to blog about. So many exciting things are going on in our house right now. However, today is not the day for those. Today is the day that my Alan Scott was born. He is 44 years old today, so I will write 44 things about Alan.

Happy Birthday to my man!

1. Alan is 6'3"

2. He loves his family.

3. The day our first daughter was born, he literally fell in love with her.

4. Our oldest daughter Ashleigh is named after Alan. His initials are ASH.

5. Our oldest son is named after Alan. His middle names are Alan Scott. However, when Cheney was little, he asked me to just call him "Alan". So cute.

6. He is a protector. I have always loved this about him. I may try to handle something by myself, and he sometimes asks me, if he can take care of it yet. Sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no. I love knowing he has my back always, though.

7. Alan wants to be like Christ. I can see this in his life and have watched him grow and grow.

8. Alan doesn't mind when the house is messy. Thankfully!

9. Alan is not a picky eater and will eat just about anything.

10. Alan has traveled all over the world. Mostly without me.

11. Alan met a little girl with long stringy brown hair and teeth that were almost buck when he was about 9 years old. Someday he would marry that girl:-) (After braces, of course!)

12. I know that Alan would give his life for me or one of our children in a heartbeat.

13. Alan started a business 6 years ago because he wanted his brother and Dad to have a place to work.

14. Alan can do most anything on a computer.

15. He is very intelligent. When we were in school, he never took a book home and always did very well.

16. Alan gets a little frustrated with me that I am directionally impaired.

17. When Alan and I were on our first official date, we were in a serious car accident and he pulled me out of the car. (into sticker briars)

18. Alan likes to play video games, especially with Cheney Boy.

19. Alan loves to travel.

20. Alan takes excellent care of Davin.

21. He is not really an animal person and gets a little annoyed at how I talk to our dogs.

22. He doesn't seem to need many friends.

23. The minute before Ashleigh walked down the aisle at her wedding, Alan told her she did not have to go through with it.

24. Alan really likes snorkeling.

25. Alan had a very serious accident on a quad and God spared his life.

26. He is a hard worker.

27. He doesn't enjoy working around the house.

28. Alan loves spicy food. The hotter, the better.

29. Alan has blue eyes.

30. He has always enjoyed having the kids' friends at our house.

31. He likes to do things with our kids.

32. Alan has been a coach for our kids' teams many times.

33. Alan was in the US Navy for 6 years, but did not choose to stay in because he had to be away so much.

34. Alan has one brother and one sister.

35. He once dropped his neice and she talks about it frequently, even though I know she doens't remember.

36. Alan has always loved Wednesday night prayer meetings the best, even though we don't get to go now because Awana is during the same time.

37. Awana is in Alan's blood.

38. Alan is spending his 44th birthday with our son, Cheney, and will get to watch Cheney row in his regatta tomorrow.

39. Our kids know they can count on Alan.

40. All of our kids look like Alan. He has always liked this very much. He once told me that people probably wonder if I am the natural mother.

41. Alan and his brother sound just alike and so does Cheney now.

42. Alan would rather eat at home than to go out.

43. Alan had to get new shoes last week to make his traveling more "streamline". He is very serious about his routine at the airport. When he is traveling, I call him "traveling Alan".

44. Alan asked me to be his girlfriend on November 28th, 1982 at 10:06 pm. I think it was a good decision to say yes.

March 2, 1985

It certainly is not a story that fairy tales are made of. It did not start out with a fancy proposal or an excited bride. I remember my father asking me on the day that I was getting married if I was excited. I answered him that it was something that had to be done. I am hoping most brides do not walk into a marriage with that kind of attitude.

As sad as the beginning of my story is, I don't think of it in that way. To me, it is a story of God's amazing redemption. A story of His faithfulness to us when we choose to be faithful to Him. A story of God taking something broken and when placed in His hands, made beautiful. That is the story of my marriage.

Today marks 25 years since the day that I became Alan's wife. It was a decision made because we were having a baby and thought that we would like that baby to have both parents together to raise her. We walked into that decision with very little thought (although we had been dating for two and half years) and maybe no prayer. We discussed with our parents when we would get married and I can remember sitting there and saying we had something to do the following weekend, so we made it for two weeks away. (Even as I write this, I can not believe this!!!)

I do not encourage anyone to go into MARRIAGE with such little thought. However, although we went into a marriage as two 18 year-olds who were totally not ready to be married, we did have one thing going for us. We were dedicated. Once we took those vows, we were dedicated that we would stick with them until the end. I have to tell you when you are 18 at the beginning of the marriage, the end can seem very, very far away;) We had a long, long road to walk together. Alan and I decided to sink our teeth in, figure things out and be dedicated to making our marriage work.

I have to be fair and say that even though I was not excited about getting married or ready to get married, Alan knew he was supposed to be married to me. He did not have the same reservations that I did. He knew everything would work out. We had discussed the possibility of marriage in the near future many, many times. He had told me that he would either marry me, or he would never marry.

When I look back and think of all the mountains and valleys that Alan and I have journeyed together, I just stand in awe. I said at the beginning of this post, that this story was not what fairy tales are made of and yet I am so very proud of our story. I am so blessed with a husband who has loved me for most of my life. I married a boy and he turned into a man that I am so pleased to call my husband (or more commonly, "my man";)

God knew when that scared, scarred and unsure 18-year-old girl squeezed in through the back door with her Dad (we were not allowed to walk down the aisle) that she was making the right choice. He knew that there would be dark days, but He knew He would equip her to deal with the challenges He set before her.

You have to excuse me today. There is certainly an amount of pride that I feel today. When you become one of "the teenage parents" in a "teenage marriage", you know that odds are against you. Quite frankly, I am positive there were people who whispered how long they thought our marriage would last. I am so thankful to my God and my husband for being with me through these last 25 years. I am so blessed to be able to say that I have not just endured 25 years of marriage, but it has been the best! What an amazing God we have who takes the tattered and torn and makes them into something beautiful.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life!

Homecomings

For most of my married life, Alan has traveled to some extent. He left to go to Navy boot camp a couple of months after we were married. I finished out my pregnancy and delivered Ashleigh without him:( Because God has seen fit to have these periods of absences in my life, I have come to appreciate some things about being without Alan for periods of time. The very best part of it....the homecomings! I love the homecomings!

Now, I have had many different kinds of homecomings. While our four children were little, Alan worked away four days a week for two years. So, every week, it was so exciting to watch my little children stand at the window and look for Daddy's car to get home. The weekends were so exciting because Daddy was home with us!

The granddaddy of all homecomings for our lives was when Alan was in the Navy and went on his second Med-cruise. He would be gone for six months. Ashleigh was 3 1/2 and Bethany was just about to turn 2. When I would look at the calendar and turn the pages of six months, I saw no possible way I could make it through that. As the day approached for them to ship out, I was pretty sure God was not going to let this happen. Surely He knew I couldn't handle it and would not send Alan away for such a long time and leave me alone with two little girls. Well, God did have Alan set out with his ship for six months. Were those six months hard? (Certainly not as hard as the wives who send their husbands to Iraq or Afghanistan for a year or more!) They were hard. It is hard when your four year-old little girl walks around the house with a picture of her as a newborn baby and her Daddy holding her. While Ashleigh was doing this, she was crying with this cry that comes from your gut saying, "I want my Daddy! I want my Daddy!" I thought my heart would break in two pieces.

But, at the end of all of that.....the HOMECOMING!! The day we had been living for and talking about for six months. The trash days had been counted down and the USS Virginia was on her way home!! New outfits were bought, hair styles were considered and then the day came. I got up hours and hours early just to be able to enjoy every minute of that day! The girls and I had a bag packed with snacks and had fixed ourselves up all pretty:) Our Daddy was coming home. As the ship came in, the men dressed in their dress blues all looked the same standing on the deck. Then, slowly they got closer and we could recognize our Daddy!! There is nothing that I have ever been through that compares to that. I could touch him. He was right next to me finally!! The girls were so happy to be in their Daddy's arms:)

Since that day, we have spent many many more days apart. As soon as Alan got out of the Navy, his job took him away for 3 1/2 months!! I had thought it was only the military that did that.

In Alan's job in Rochester, he traveled lots and would be gone for a week at a time or sometimes a bit more.

Now we are back to Alan traveling. I miss him lots while he is gone, but I can not help but like some parts of it and look forward to his homecomings. Tonight Alan will come home after being gone for four days. I will watch out the window while I continue making preparations for dinner and when I see those headlights, I will be so excited to see him!

Alan may read this and read other things into this post. He is going to tell me that I don't miss him and am glad he is gone during the week. That is not it at all. God has given us this in our lives. I choose to find the positive parts of it and enjoy them.

Boys vs. Girls

I frequently hear people talk about boys being so much easier to raise than girls. My answer is generally that it depends on the child and as genders go, they each have their challenges. They may not be the same challenges or come at the same time, but they come. Growing up is hard.

I am wondering if people who insist that boys are soooo much easier than girls have ever watched a boy try to become a man. I have found (in my own son and in other boys' lives) that this is a huge, difficult time of life. Right now I am praying for a young man who is very special to our family. He is at a similar point in his life that my son Cheney was in at this time last year. He has made some bad choices and there have been consequences that we presently don't know the extent of.

In my experience, girls are freer to show their emotions. They can cry and let those emotions out. It can look ugly, but they come out. After a certain age, boys are not really permitted to cry. This certainly was not something I had told my son, but I think boys catch on pretty quickly that by a certain age, crying does not look good for them socially, so they bottle it up. Eventually those emotions come out and I have seen it come out as anger or rage in boys. I know it did in my son and it was terrifying and painful to watch. Dealing with disappointments in themselves can leave them so angry. They need to be a "man" and yet they have so many insecurities and so many questions about what that should look like in their lives. And, of course, when they know they have things in their lives that are not living up to their own expectations of themselves.

So, as I think back to a year ago when my body was literally between my son and the front door as he desperately tried to get out of our house while I wondered if I would end up being hurt or if the police would need to be called, I will pray for this boy that we love so much. I will pray that he will walk out of his anger and into all that God has for him.

Trouble

"Let not your heart be troubled...."

My heart is troubled. We have a situation that we have been praying about for quite some time. It is becoming a desperate situation and we are at a lack of answers. On our knees...

A New Doctor

Yesterday I took Davin to see a new doctor. The neurologist has insisted for two years that Davin must see this doctor. I was not sure why, but the neurologist was insistent every single time we saw her, so finally I got a hold of them and made an appointment. We took our x-rays and records with us. The doctor sat down and asked about Davin's history and then asked me how he could help me. You see, the problem was that I had no idea. I explained to him that I was hoping he could tell me how he might be able to help us. I wasn't sure what his expertise was. When I called to make the appointment, the receptionist asked why we were coming to see the doctor. I replied that I did not know. She asked if he was having trouble walking and I replied no. He is non-ambulatory. She asked if he wore MAFOs and I said yes. She asked if he was having problems with them. I said no. Hmmm... The neurologist insisted we see you, so that is why I am making the appointment.

So, the doctor explained that the neurologist was concerned that Davin was very tight. Well, she is always concerned that he is tight. Last appointment she was concerned he was tight and too thin. Really????? I had never noticed! You think he is tight??? And I thought he was chubby, not thin!! Okay, I am being smart. Every time we go to see the neurologist, she tries picking up his foot while he is in his wheelchair and stretching it out straight. You are never going to do that and have Davin NOT feel tight. She does not usually listen to me when I tell her how far his range of motion is, etc. I have come to accept this and just try to tell her and move on.

The new doctor seemed nice and gave me some things to think about. I am going to consider doing botox shots in Davin's arms right before his next round with intensive PT. That is the kind of thing this doctor does.

Although I thought the doctor seemed very knowledgable, I couldn't help but leave with somewhat of a bad taste in my mouth. When the doctor came in, he shook Davin's hand. That was good. However, that was the last time he spoke to Davin. Not to mention that he used phrases like "I have done this proceedure on someone of normal intelligence" and "kids who are older don't respond as well to PT". He made quite a few comments that I had to come home and talk to Davin about. If the doctor would have talked about these kinds of things, but had addressed Davin, I probably wouldn't have been as upset. I talk frankly in front of Davin. He didn't, though. I had to come home and tell Davin that even though the doctor has said that "Davin can't do anything for himself", that that wasn't a big deal and that is not what makes someone a great person. I had to talk to him about the fact that just because he may not know everything, he is still someone I am very proud of because he is trying to be the very best he can be.

My Dad was with us for the visit. My Dad thought the doctor was so good and I simply had to say that yes, he seemed to know what he was talking about, he only addressed Davin (his patient) one time and that didn't seem very good to me.

Maybe I should have said something. Maybe I should have asked him not to say those things in front of Davin or maybe the doctor just thought that our situation was so hopeless that Davin knew his life was horrible. Maybe that is just how doctors have to look at things because they just see the problems and not the people. I hope I never stop seeing people. I don't want to see their problems. I want to see their potential and their purpose. It is so easy for me to feel discouraged when a doctor asks me so many questions to find out if Davin can in any way help take care of himself and I have to answer no to every single one. In real life, though, when I am living with this boy and learning from him, I don't think about the fact that he can't brush his teeth by himself (okay, he could try, but they would not be clean;) or put his shirt on. I think about all the ways he is an amazing part of my family!

Faithful

I was listening to K-LOVE in the car today and they were talking about a website or something where people were being challenged to come up with one word that they wanted to desribe their lives for the next year. It could just be one word. I didn't have to think long about it. They mentioned many words that were so meaningful and good, but faithful came to my mind immediately. I want to be faithful....in so many ways. I want to be faithful to my God. When He asks me to do something that I don't think I am equipped to do, I want to be faithful to trust Him. I want to be faithful to be a good wife and go the extra mile even if Alan isn't giving me back as much as I would like him to. I want to be faithful to my kids. I want to be a solid, consistent example to them. I want to listen to them and pray for them faithfully. I want to be faithful in my ministries, even when I get tired. I want to be faithful to take care of my boy in the best way possible. I want to be a faithful daughter. I want to spend time with my parents and parents-in-law. It goes on and on. To me that word sums up so many areas in my life that I am constantly in need of working on. Faithful doesn't give the idea of doing something half-heartedly like I sometimes want to do things. Faithful puts in the time and energy needed to do the job right. Whatever it is.

So, what is your word???

My Asheigh Diane

My girls read my blog more than anyone else. Of course, their favorite is when I do a post about them. Looking back through my old posts, I never did a post just about Ashleigh, so even though it is not Thursday, I will post 13 things about Ashleigh Diane:)

1. I had Ashleigh when I was 18 years old and she is the baby that I first fell in love with. I absolutely loved being her mother.

2. Ashleigh had a very strong will and often had what we loved to call "episodes".

3. Ashleigh has adored her little sister from the minute she first laid eyes on her. The first day Bethany was home from the hospital, Ashleigh tried to share her french fries with her.

4. Ashleigh is a director for T&T club in Awana and loves leading the girls. She has a heart for troubled kids, especially.

5. Ashleigh has gone to Botswana, Africa and it was life-changing.

6. For Ashleigh, family is very important. She hates to miss a family function.

7. Ashleigh has been married for two years!

8. I could always count on Ashleigh to watch her younger brothers and sister if I needed her to. She loved to have them home with her while Alan and I went out.

9. Ashleigh is one of the most loyal people I have ever known.

10. Ashleigh loves working out.

11. She also loves dying her hair. One of the first things she did when she went away to college was to dye her hair.

12. Ashleigh has worked as a nanny for the last few years, although she does not presently have a job:(

13. Ashleigh is fun to be around! She brings a party wherever she goes. If Ashleigh is missing, things are not as lively as they are with her there.

14. I am proud of the young woman that she is. She is faithful to God, loves her husband and her family and has worked so hard on evening her strong will and letting God use it for Him.

Another Wedding

In our house there is quite a bit of talk about weddings now. Especially when it is just Bethany, Davin and I. Alan is not quite as excited about the whole thing;) It is interesting to listen to Bethany describe what she would like to have for the ceremony and reception. It will be very different from Ashleigh's wedding just two years ago. Ashleigh's wedding was very traditional and formal. Bethany is going to have an outdoor wedding and reception and it will be much more casual. It will be great fun.

Bethany and Jeff are out tonight to meet with the couple that is going to do their pre-marital counseling. Tonight they are getting together to get to know each other before starting on their session. I pray it will be a blessed time and a time of thinking through and talking through lots of things.

Davin had a huge week last week. In the matter of two days, he had a sleep EEG (he had to stay up from 1am for this test), blood work, x-rays, went to the ortho doctor who had done his surgery, and got casted for new MAFOs. That was all just on Monday and Tuesday. I have to say, my Davin is just one of the easiest going people I have ever met in my life. On Monday morning, he got up at 1am and watched Little House on the Prairie through the night and was at the hospital in the morning for 5 hours and was such a trooper and was still smiling. I really learn from him all the time. It is amazing to me the attitude that he constantly has.

This week in Bethany's class, she got very upset. It has happened before. She is a social work major and so many times in classes, they end up discussing people who have disabilities. Unfortunately and sadly, the disabled people are not spoken of with respect or value. That was the discussion this week. They were talking about how even though people with disabilities don't have the same value..... These kinds of words cut like a knife when you have a name and face for the "people". I try to tell Bethany that it is just different when people don't know anyone personally. Somehow they are able to feel more valuable than someone they don't know. For Bethany and one other boy in her class who had an uncle with Down's Syndrom, "these people" are so much more. Sometimes Bethany says things and sometimes she just can't. One time, she had a college professor who was so ignorant on the subject, I wanted to go in and speak to her class to maybe shed some real light on the personal part of what they had been talking about. The teacher just did not get it and I wasn't ever able to do that. It was ashame. Bethany goes to a Biblical University, but that is no guarantee that people understand the value of everyone. It is still easier for us to think that being smart and capable are qualities that make us valuable. That is too bad. I wish those students coule meet my Davin.

My Thoughts on Mary

I have been thinking about Mary as I often do at this time of year. You know the Mary that I am writing about. The mother of Jesus. She started out as just an ordinary teenager and was given the huge task of raising God's son!

I think about her at this time of year because we had a couple of things in common. We were both told that we were going to be teenage mothers. We both felt the shame and embarassment of our situations. We both had to deal with the looks and glares of others. We both did not know how we were going to get through to the other end of the situation we found ourselves in, but we knew the one who was going to get us there.

Of course, we had some differences. My teenage pregnancy was due to my own disobedience and sin. Mary's was because God had found favor in her. She was chosen to carry the precious gift that would be the Savior of the world.

Even though we can think about so many wonderful things about Mary's job of carrying the Son of God, I believe Mary still dealt with the human things that I dealt with, too. When she dealt with them, though, they were unjustified. She had done no wrong. I had and maybe deserved every look, unkind word and whisper. Mary had not only done nothing wrong, but she had done something right to be so honored. But, did people really know that? Did they really believe it? When Mary saw other girls that she had grown up with on the streets, did they not whisper about her? Did they not ignore her or talk badly about her? When Mary's grandmother came over after finding out that Mary was with child, did her grandmother have the look of shame in her eyes as she looked at her granddaughter? What did Joseph's family think of the Mary that was engaged to their precious son? Did they believe that an angel had let her know that she would carry God's son even though she was still a virgin?

I am thankful for where my life has taken me for so many reasons. One reason is that maybe I can know just a little bit of what Mary went through in those first few months as she wrestled with her own fears and concerns while trying to keep her eyes on the goal.

My Job Got Personal

I work very part-time for my brother-in-law. I help with the filing at his law firm. I go in whenever my schedule permits and I enjoy the people I work with. They always make me feel like I am doing them a huge favor by coming in and filing!

Today I was at work filing just like I usually do. I happened upon a document called a "Final Decree". I read part of it as I was trying to figure out how to file it. As I read, I realized this document had more meaning for me than I had known.

Alan and I were told that before Davin turns 18, we must become Davin's legal guardians. I had no idea this was something we had to do. Wouldn't we just continue caring for Davin like always because he is our son? Apparently, when someone is 18, they are an adult. If they are not able to make decisions about their care, etc, they need a guardian. We have been discussing this with my brother-in-law and as an attorney, he is going to help us do this in the next couple of weeks. I guess I had not thought too much about the legal aspect of this. I just thought it would be a judge seeing that we love our son and want to take care of him for the rest of our lives.

Well, as I read the document, the words that they used to describe this person.....it brought tears to my eyes. The document talks about how this person can not make decisions for themselves and it all sounded so hopeless. So, I am guessing that Davin's document will not say, "Davin is an 17 year-old young man who is loved and adored and needs his family's input to make decisions." I wish it was going to say that, but the words I read today, cut through me like a knife. The court was going to talk about my son that same way.

To tell the truth, this has been happening for Davin's whole life. I have received tons of papers that described what Davin can't do. Reading any of those papers would discourage me so much, especially in the beginning. However, as I got used to "the drill", I started getting the papers in the mail and tucking them away where I had them if I needed them, but I didn't have to give them the power to define who my boy was or was not. Davin is not just words on a paper. He is my son, a brother to three siblings who adore him, a grandson who lights up when he sees his grandparents, especially his grandfathers:) Davin gives so much and does not have speech. How much smarter is he than me to be able to communicate with so little??

I think the day we go through the court proceedings will be rough. We have been through rough days before. We have heard devastating news before. To quote my husband from the day that our son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, "Heather, is he any different than he was yesterday?" I will remember those words on that day, too.

He Said Yes and then She Said Yes

After a very rough few months, it was time for some good news! Two weeks ago, we had a nice young man come to our house and ask to sit down and talk with Alan and I. He came to ask if Alan would give permission for him to ask Bethany to be his wife. (Wow, just to write those words is a little odd still!) After much discussion......many questions.....some requirements...Alan said yes. Alan told Jeff that he was free to ask Bethany.

So, Alan asked Jeff when he was thinking about asking Bethany. Jeff had the ring with him. At first, Jeff was thinking of doing it in the future, maybe sooner, okay, how about right then?? In the end, he went and took Bethany to a local park and pretended that the talk did not go well. Finally, he could not wait any longer and got down on his knee and asked Bethany Alyssa to marry him. SHE SAID YES!!!!