Home Study Update

We are still waiting (patiently????) for our case worker to complete her part of the home study.  She needs to get the written home study to us and then we make changes and then we are ready!  From that point, we can start to inquire about sibling groups.  We have one sibling group that we are all very interested in, but we can't ask questions without the complete home study.  Unfortunately, we have been at this exact same point for about 2 months now.  I felt so patient for so long and now I am having a harder time. 

We are talking about our kids out there somewhere waiting for us, their forever family.  It is kind of a big deal.

When?

I heard someone mention "caregivers" the other day.  I supposed I fit into that category.  When did that happen?  When are you just a parent and then when does that crossover and you turn into the "caregiver"?  The answer is definitely not when your child can't do the usual self help skills when they are supposed to.  Davin couldn't dress himself or feed himself when he was eight years-old, but I was still a Mom, not a caregiver.  Hmmm....

I can just add that to my list....mother/legal guardian/caregiver.  It just makes him more mine and I am good with that:-)

Reason #4,698

Just another reason why I love him.  When this happened...

(as he was leaning back to check the water temperature for Davin's bath that was at least half 1/3 full), he simply smiled and said, "Well, I guess I am glad I just took my wallet out of my pocket." 

Just so everyone knows, Alan is aware that I am sharing this story with a picture:-)

She's 70!

She didn't have the best childhood.  She remembers sitting in bars as a child waiting for her parents to be done.  There were things she did not know the truth about until she was a grandmother, even down to not knowing her Mom's real first name.  She made the very best of it.  Her only brother became a product of what having a hard life so often does to a person.  She didn't.  She may not have had the best example (although there were some awesome adults in her life as a child), but she became a wonderful example of a godly mother.  Sometimes I take it for granted that my Mom was a Christian, and then I think about what the odds were that she would be who she is today.  I am in awe of her. 

I have my Christian heritage because she chose to follow Christ and take her two little girls to church always.  She did not have the support of a husband in her faith.  She had to be the spiritual leader on her own.  She prayed and stayed in the Word and eventually saw my Father come to Christ.  Her life has been such an example. 

I am who I am today because of who she is and who she was. 

On Friday, my Mom turned 70!  I can hardly believe it.  We had a party for her with all of her children and grandchildren present.  She got a way cool ipad2 and we made her a book with a letter from each of us telling her what she means to us.  It was a wonderful day.  It was so good to celebrate the woman who has celebrated me for my whole life. 

P.S. My one complaint would be that it would have been nice if my Mom had given me her "no-gray-hairs and don't dye my hair even though I am now 70" genes.  I am just saying it would have been nice.  Also, it is not nice when your mother is much thinner than you are and therefore you have to workout and lose weight;-) 

Happy Birthday Mom!!!!  You are the best!!!

Admitting It is the First Step

For the last 8 1/2 months I have worked so hard to change my health and my body.  I have changed how much I eat, what I eat and how often I eat.  I have worked out five days a week nearly every single week.  It has been a gradual change that I have seen, but I feel so good about the progress that I have made.  I feel good that I am not starting tomorrow like usual:-)  But.....then......Davin had his birthday.  I ordered him a cake from a fabulous bakery.  I LOVE a good bakery cake.  I adore butter cream icing. 

The day of Davin's birthday, I had a couple of pieces.  One was very small, by the way:-)  Then, the next day, I had two more pieces.  After that, I realized I was eating way too many calories.  So, I did what any reasonable lover-of-butter cream-icing would do.  I started eating the icing only and ditching the cake down the garbage disposal.  Oh my.  Things were going downhill fast.  I told Alan about my brilliant idea of just eating the icing and saving myself the calories of the cake.  He seemed more concerned than impressed. 

Finally yesterday, I admitted, the cake needed to go.  Admitting I have a problem is the first step, right? 

Another Very Special Day

Today was a very special day for Davin.  We got a letter in the mail that he would be given a special award today and that during the ceremony there would be something read about Davin and why he was getting the award.  I didn't realize that only 4 kids are chosen out of his school 4 different times during the year to receive such an award.  The staff recognizes each recipient for their own special strengths and growth. 

While Davin sat in the front of the room in front of the principal and vice principals and other guests, the following was read:

******
Davin Hester joined Creekside in the middle of last year, and the minute he entered Creekside he made a huge impact.  His smile affects everyone who meets him and people are instantly drawn to him.  He is a jokester (at this point Davin started cracking up) who enjoys pulling pranks on people as much as he enjoys having pranks done to him.  His laugh comes from his belly and is deep and sincere. 

Davin is very intelligent, and keeps up academically with his age equivalent peers from other classes while at the same time he charms the staff.

Although Davin is highly intelligent and funny, he has a devious side.  This is the side that will steal purses from the teacher's desk or off of the back of a wheelchair.  This is the side that will take a stick and knock things off of the teacher's desk.  this is the side that could have had him sent to the Principal's office on more than one occasion!

Davin is a wonderful person who comes from a loving family.  We all feel that we have been blessed to have met him. 
******

So....I went back and forth between gushing with pride to wondering if my son had just gotten an award for being a twirp:-)  In the end, I realize what he got the award for.  He got the award for being who he is.  The staff and students at his school celebrate who he is and I am so thankful for a place like that.  Why would Davin not want to go to school? 

Davin's award also got me to thinking.  The things that were said about Davin and how drawn people are to him is true.  He makes an impact.  He makes an impact most places that he goes.  Davin can't walk or talk or write or play sports in the traditional way, but he makes an impact. 

In general, we feel badly for someone who does not have the skills or abilities that we have, but am I using those "extra" skills that I have to make an impact?  Do I impact people the way my son does?  If he can touch lives the way he does without ever uttering one word, how much of an impact can I make with my words?  Davin uses what he has and he does a great job.  Do I? 

Bubby's Birthday

Saturday was Davin Bruce's 19th birthday!!  Both sisters and one special brother-in-law came to celebrate with us!!  It was a fun day for sure. 

When I think back to the day my Bubby was born, things seemed so different than they are now.  I had no idea how much that boy was going to change my life.  All of my children changed my life in many ways, but Davin's presence in my life has made me different.  I am a different mom because of him.  I stand with the proud other moms who have a special needs child to raise and I am so thankful for that.  I have a different perspective on perfection and on endurance and on unconditional love.  God knew just what I needed when he blessed me with that 7 pound 1 ounce boy 19 years ago. 

Happy Birthday Bubby!!!  I love you so much!!

Shaken

I have been shaken...but not moved. 

In general, when I am not blogging, there are things going on in my life that I can't or don't want to share, even in person.  I guess everybody decides what kind of blogger they will be, and I have chosen to share limited information.  It is a good fit for me. 

I see God working and I know that I can trust Him.   

In other news, Alan has been gone for the last 10 days.  I wish I could say I have had a great attitude and have been glad that he has been enjoying his trip.  I do wish I could say that.  While my attitude has been less than excellent, that cute boy that I share my life with has been awesome.  He has eaten every meal so nicely and has slept so soundly ever single night that we were by ourselves.  Now, for my attitude adjustment.....

My Pleasure

Davin and I recently headed down to NJ for a dentist appointment.  A sweet side benefit is that I got to spend time with my daughters.  I have been missing them so much.  One day, I got to take my Dad with me to meet Ashleigh and the twin girls that she nannies for.  We met for lunch.  To be honest, I knew this time could go either way for my Dad.  He has always been pretty head strong and if he decided the girls were acting up or we had driven too long to get there, his mood would be hard to change.  I held my breath.  Lunch could not have been better.  My Dad and I got to watch Ashleigh do what she loves to do.  She takes such excellent care of the girls.  They are 21 months old.  As I got to watch Ashleigh, it just affirmed what a wonderful mother she will someday be.  She is making such a difference in the life of this family by training their children so well.  The girls were adorable and my Dad enjoyed them so much.  The sweetest part of the trip was when we were getting ready to walk out and I asked E if she would like to hold Pop Pop's hand on the way out.  She is just a tiny little peanut, but she reached up and grabbed his hand and held it all the way to the car.  I watched my Dad whose normal strides are long and quick, slow down to keep pace with little E.  So sweet. 

I also got to be present for Bethany's first day at her new job!!!  She now has a job working in her field!!  Woo hoo!!!  I got to be there to make her lunches for the first few days, and I was blessed to be able to make dinner for us to eat together when she got home from work. 

When my kids were younger, they had to make their own lunches and do other things around the house, too.   Now that they are older, I find that when I the opportunity to serve them in that way, it blesses me.  It is just another way for me to show them that I love them and still love to take care of them. 

Any Changes?

As we prepare to bring more children into our home, Alan and I have been discussing guidelines once again.  Will we do things the same as when our other four children were growing up, or are there changes to be made?  We will most likely be adopting at least one teenager, so how do we give guidelines that may be different than what they previously had?  We have been talking through cell phones, texting, and facebook.  We seem to both be on the same page with these things, but I think it will be tricky to give a bunch of guidelines to a teenager who is brand new in our home.  I kind of think we will need to gradually do it, but I am not sure. 

As for cell phones, we are pretty set on the fact that you don't ever need one unless you are driving.  That opinion hardly made us the cool parents before and I am pretty sure it won't now.  I think texting may want to be avoided all together for quite a while.  It has proven to be a very easy way for inappropriate discussions to take place. 

Any thoughts?  When did you let your kids have a facebook?  How much internet time do you allow?  How much television?  What is your opinion of cell phones and kids? 

Although these issues are issues that Alan and I need to have covered together, I know that our kids will need love and support the most.  The other things will come, but the love and stability will make us a family. 

On the Same Page

If I am to be honest, Alan and I are so very different.  I know that is not shocking to anyone who knows both of us.  If we make a list at any given time of the things that are our top five priorities (as far as things that need to be done), our lists would vary greatly.  Alan thinks I stress about silly details too much and I think he ignores them too much which makes me stress more;-) 

As we have gone through the steps of becoming home study ready, we have talked a lot.  It is so crucial that we are on the same page and have the same or similar priorities for this.  This is big.  We had a conversation the other day about getting the beds put up and all that goes with that so that the bedrooms are ready.  We actually were in total agreement! 

I don't say that to say that Alan and I disagree a bunch.  As far as parenting goes, we always back each other up and think so much alike.  In general, things that need to be done in the house, though, have us on different pages.  The fact that we were totally in agreement is one more affirment from God that He is instructing us to walk this path. 

I guess I need lots of reminders or at least I appreciate it every time God reminds me. 

When?

Yesterday I made sugar cookies.  I took out my cookbook that I have had since I was first married.  I opened it and all of the sudden, my Mom's cookbook flashed through my mind.  She uses the same one, but hers is an older version.  When I looked at my cookbook as I opened it on the counter, I suddenly saw the wear and tear on the well-worn book, the pages that were no longer attached.  I saw the yellowed page color and the stains from food dripping onto the pages as I cooked another meal or dessert.  When did I become the older mother?  When did I become my Mom? 

Crazy...

Nesting

I have no other way to explain this, except to say that I am nesting.  Does that happen when you are adopting, too?  It has become absolutely necessary for every single thing in our apartment to be organized and in a place that makes sense.  Is that because my world is about to be turned upside down???  Bring it on!!  (and I will have very clean closets as a bonus;-)

The Day

Today is the day that I met Ashleigh Diane.  I was never the same again.  From this day forward, 26 years ago, I was not just Heather.  I was Ashleigh's Mom and I loved it. 

Happy Birthday Ashleigh Diane!!!  I love your passion for life, your loyalty to your family and friends and your desire to be who God wants you to be.  I am so glad you changed my world 26 years ago.

Her Time

This time of year, especially this week, takes me back.  It takes my thoughts back to 26 years ago and a very overdue pregnant 18-year-old.  The doctor was concerned that I was overdue and told me to go get a non-stress test.  My due date was September 6th.  Well, I was a non-tylenol-taking kind of girl, so I just assumed that I did not want to get a stress test.  I also declined getting ultrasounds with my first two babies because I thought there were risks to the baby.  I guess the doctor should have thought to explain to me why I needed the non-stress test and what exactly it was.  I just went back home.  The next week, the doctor was a little more emphatic that I HAD to go right to the hospital and get the test done and explained a bit more to me about why it was necessary.  Since I was so young, I was sailing on unchartered waters and figuring things out as I went along.  So, off for the test, we went.  The baby was great, but they gave me a specific date.  If the baby didn't come by Monday, I would be induced. 

So, I went outside and played badmitten and I walked around to try to encourage this baby to come.  Alan was away in Great Lakes, IL having just graduated from boot camp just 6 weeks earlier.  He was anxious to come home and his 19-year-old not-knowing-anything-about-pregnancy self thought that I could make myself go into labor.  He would tell me when was a good weekend and tell me to really try.  Silly boy. 

Soon, my whole life would change.....

Hello Bunk Beds

I believe it was just over a year ago that I had a post titled "Bye Bye Bunk Beds".  We had been living with bunk beds for forever it seemed and I was excited to be saying goodbye to them.  Well, as God has made it clear that we are to adopt a sibling group, guess what we are getting ready to put back into our bedrooms??  Yup, bunk beds!  I am so excited to have bunk beds again and to think of the children that will fill them while dreaming at night.  I guess there is a season for everything.  Even bunk beds.  Sometimes there are two seasons for them:-)

The Bubby

One really special thing about this time in our lives is the amount of special time we have spent with Bubby (Davin).  For Davin's entire life, he kept up with our older kids and we took him everywhere and included him in everything.  This time of life is so catered to him, though, and I am enjoying that.  We go to movies that Davin likes.  We take walks together because Davin loves to be outside.  We spend time just hanging out with him and talking with him. 

While we continue to wait for our "new" kids to come home, we will continue to enjoy this time with Bubby. 

A Milestone Met and One Around the Corner

I have been out of blog land:-(  Do you remember when I wrote about struggling with finding a balance with computer time?  Well, my heavenly Father who loves me and knows what is best for me, took care of that.  My laptop broke quite a few weeks ago and although I have access to a desktop, I am leaving it on the floor, so that when I use it I do not get too comfortable:-)  I have missed checking in here, though. 

As of the beginning of September, I have hit my 6 month mark into my new healthy lifestyle!!!  I have been working out 5 days a week consistently for 6 months!!!  For a girl who rarely ever finishes projects, this is a big deal.  I feel so good about it and am hopeful that I have made it such a part of my life that it will stay.  It has been such a blessing to be on this journey with my best friend Alan.  Some mornings we don't even say a word until we are all done, but we are doing it together and I love that.  We have both decided that our very favorite time of the day is 7 am.  That means that we have 23 whole hours to go until we have to start the workout again;-) 

We are about a month away from having a home study complete!!!!  This realization comes complete with both excitement and terror.  Well, maybe not terror, but it is hard to believe in so many ways.  The last things on our list are to get a few safety items for our house and then to get the beds!!!  That's right, the beds for.....the children!!!  Wow!!!  I continue to be in awe of a God who can give such peace as He guides us through this process.  Every time I hear a word that speaks fear into my heart, God takes it and lets me know that He is in control of this.  He already knows what our lives will look like in a year, in ten years, and we don't have to worry. 

He Misses Him

Cheney is back at Wheaton.  He is so excited to be back and so thankful that he has the opportunity to return for his junior year.  Since things were up in the air about him returning, we did not prepare ourselves mentally to say goodbye.  We decided on a Wednesday morning and Alan and Cheney boarded a train for Chicago that night. It was hard.  Davin had gone to bed that night since he still had school the next day.  Cheney went in to lay with Davin for a while and then told Davin that he needed to go take a shower, but would come back.  Davin (who usually goes right to sleep) waited for Cheney to be done.  I went in and asked if Davin would like to get up and sit with Cheney a while.  Davin just pointed to his pillow where he wanted Cheney to lay down.  Cheney hopped in with his brother and laid with him while Davin fell asleep.  I think that is the hardest part for me.  When I watch them together, I feel like my heart is hurting to think of them not being together.

The next night, it was just me and Davin.  Davin had been fine in the morning, but he does not usually see Cheney in the mornings.  After he had been in bed for a while, I went in to check on him since he was still awake and that was odd.  I believe there were tears in his eyes.  I thought my heart would break.  He missed his brother.  It is hard to say goodbye to your  big brother.  Davin had a rough night trying to sleep that night and the next day his teacher wrote me that he looked lost and sad.  Poor Bubby!

Thankfully our Bethany Alyssa arrived here on Friday and we get to enjoy her company for a week and Daddy returned home today:-)

Which Way?

We are having some major problems with Cheney going back to Wheaton this year.  He was all set to head back, but finances are far from situated.  I'm watching a young man try to figure out what to do and be pretty content with whatever way God leads. 

Lord, whatever you have to do in Cheney's life to grow him into the man you want him to be, please do it.  If you can do it at Wheaton, please provide a way.  Please let us be content and know that You are in control.