Adoption Update

After going through the process and becoming home study ready in upstate NY, we are now getting ready to leave and move back to NJ.  We have to start over from scratch:-(  Last week, we attended the orientation meeting (Yup, we even have to attend the orientation meeting again!) and got our application.  It appears that the process here will be much quicker and for that we are so excited.  I will keep you updated, but for now, it looks that it will be several months before we have the possibility of having children in our home. 

God knows why we needed to do the whole process in NY and then move without our kids.  He knows where our kids are and He knows when they will be ready to come home with us.  We can't wait.  Pressing on.....

Humbled

Once a year, we have a golf tournament called Duffers for Davin.  It raises money for Davin to attend special intensive physical therapy.  It has provided the funds for us to be able to do this for the last 11 years. 

Each year we go and I am just amazed and humbled at the whole process.  To think of 70 or more golfers coming to support Davin is overwhelming to me.  Our family is truly blessed by both these people who have known us a long time and those who only know us through the golf tournament and yet they all feel led to support my boy.  I am so humbled and honored. 

A Star is Born

Well, I knew Davin might be sad to leave camp, but tears???  Real ones???  I wasn't expecting that.  As soon as he saw us, he hardly made eye contact.  Much to concentrate on to get ready for the program:-)  I understood.  He was enjoying his last little bit at camp.  But, then, I saw his eyes.  There were tears in his eyes.  He actually shed some tears every now and then during the couple of hours that we were at camp.  A small part of me was sad that he wasn't the son who was hugging his Mom so glad to see her.  A huge part of me was SO thankful that my boy had such a great time at camp that he hated to leave.  How awesome is that?  My non-verbal, non-ambulatory, feeding-issue, boy with asthma goes to camp just like lots and lots of other kids!!  I am so thrilled for him.  Feeling so thankful tonight and blessed that a fantastic group of people loved my boy for five days and took excellent care of him while giving him fun, fun, fun and helping him to grow spiritually.  Also excited that Davin can go to this camp for the rest of his life!

As if I didn't know my Bubby was dramatic, he had a part in the drama today during the closing program.  Complete with costume and everything.  Adorable!! 

I have so much more to write about, but can't seem to make much sense right now:-)

Love

Cheney and Renee are living far away from each other this summer.  I know it must be hard to be engaged and not be near each other.

Since Renee is now part of our family and we have Davin's golf tournament on Monday, Renee is coming today!!  So, my Cheney Boy gets to go pick up his girl from the airport:-) 

They are pretty cute, aren't they? 

25

25 years ago, after exactly four hours of labor, we welcomed Bethany Alyssa into the world and our family.  Hard to believe.  Celebrating who she is today:-)

Living Two Lives

I am seriously living two lives presently.  I have one life in upstate New York.  Things are well organized there.  I have one husband and one child and a routine that is comfortable and stress free for the most part.  I am living in an apartment, so if something is wrong, I can call the very nice man and he will come and fix it.  I can clean the whole apartment in about an hour and a half. 

Then, I have a house in South Jersey.  I have gardens to take care of that have been neglected for the year and a half we have been away.  I have a basement under construction.  I have a house that has many, many jobs waiting for me when I visit. 

My life in NY has me up early every morning and  busy for the first few hours, but then the pace slows and I have choices to make as far as what I want to do with my days. 

My life in NJ is filled generally from the minute my feet hit the floor in the morning until I am collapsing into bed at night.

I love both of my lives, but they are so different, it sometimes startles me when I switch from one to the other. 

A Camp Veteran

Well, I dropped my littlest (so far) boy at Handi-Camp this morning.  After days and days of making lists and checking them twice, we were ready to go.  We had the bag for the nurse.  We had the bag for the cafeteria.  We had the towel bag.  We had the bag of extra bandannas.  We had clothes!! 

In case anyone thinks Davin does not remember things, he was totally psyched when we pulled up for his second time at camp.  The counselors rushed over to him and said hello while he was still in the car and I was unloading the luggage.  We met his new counselor (I thought he was having Sam just like last year and was surprised that he wasn't, but I did not let it throw me:-)  and saw Sam once again.  Davin was thrilled to see Sam again!!! 

My boy knew the drill.  After all, he is a veteran camper at Handi-Camp.  We went through registration, and the other registration and the first nurse station where we went over his meds and then the other nurse station where they checked him out.  Then, he was ready to roll.  Davin was pointing to go and get on with his week.  His attention was SO not on me.  It was not on his Mom Mom and Pop Pop who were there dropping him off with me.  He was in the camp zone:-) 

So, after letting his new counselor (who I was SO impressed with) ask me some questions, we said our goodbyes and let my boy be at camp.  It is where he belongs this week. 

It is a funny thing how God prepares your heart and changes your mind about things.  Last year, I could not wrap my head around taking Davin to camp and leaving him there for five whole days!  I made the appointment for us to be interviewed and went through with it.  I sent in the forms they required, but I just KNEW that I was. not. going. to. be. able. to. send. Davin. to. camp.  I mean, really, can someone else take good care of him?  Can they even come close?  God led me to send him last year and stretched me in a lot of ways.  I am thankful. 

This year, I was excited for Davin and today, although I do miss him and find it odd that he is not here, I am happy that he is at camp.  I am so thankful that he has camp memories just like my older kids got to have.  His have come a bit later in his life, but that is okay.  I don't even have to feel guilty about him missing out on earlier camp memories since he can go to camp for the rest of his life!  How great is that?

The only downfall to me about camp is that literally... What happens at Handi-Camp, stays at Handi-Camp:-)

Pistachio

Davin looked quite spiffy in his pistachio shirt last night.  We picked up one tired Davin and he certainly didn't want to get up this morning, but I think it was worth it.

The woman in the picture with him is "Miller" his teacher.  She is awesome and he adores her even though it doesn't look like it in the picture:-)

We also learned last night from one of Davin's friends that "Davin is mad popular at school.  I can tell you that."  That just cracked me up! 

Combo Pack

My husband and sons have always been big fans of the "combo pack".  I am not talking about food or anything like that.  I am talking about a shirt and tie that come together in a pack.  Since Cheney was young and started buying ties for school, he and Alan have loved the combo packs. 

Davin has his dinner dance tonight!  He is super excited and actually stayed up part of the night coughing and maybe dreaming of how he will be getting his groove on tonight;-)  We went out shopping on Saturday for a new outfit for him.  We knew going out that if we could find a combo pack, things would be grand. 

We first looked in the adult section and tried on the smallest shirt we could find.  Davin thought it looked great, but he was basically swimming in it.  He also picked out two suit jackets that he thought would look quite handsome on him, but I suggested we go to the big boys' section and look a little further to see if we could find something that fit.  (Not to mention that if he wore a suit jacket, he will probably sweat himself silly and then he will smell terrible and that is a whole other problem!)

We got to the big boys' section and like the clouds parting and a bright light shining down, we found "the combo pack section"!!  Ahhhhh!!  Alan's eyes lit up.  We had found the gold at the end of the rainbow.  We had limited selection of colors in his size, but eventually (after begging to have a black shirt that was not in his size) he picked a pistachio green shirt with a navy paisley tie.  He is going to look fantastic tonight:-)

First thing this morning, Davin wanted to get dressed in his shirt and tie.  I didn't think we would make it through the day with the outfit still being really clean by the dinner dance, so we decided to wear our school clothes until after school. 

So excited my boy gets to have such a dress up night out with his friends and teachers! 

His Story

I needed to update Davin's story for his website, so I thought I would share it here, too:-)


Davin Bruce was born on November 12, 1992 in a small hospital in Pennsylvania. We were thrilled to add our 4th child to our family and he was a delightful baby. Davin did a couple of things that caused me to call the doctor and make sure that everything was okay. The doctor assured me that I had a good baby and to enjoy him.

As time went on, we noticed that Davin seemed to stay curled up in that newborn position and that he did not move his arms. His arms stayed down and to his sides. However Davin passed his 2 month check-up and his 4 month check-up with no concerns. At 5 months of age, I took my concerns about Davin's arms to the pediatrician. Davin saw another pediatrician in the practice and he assured us that we should watch him for 4 weeks, but that it was nothing neurological because that would start in his legs and his legs appeared to be developing normally.

I took my baby home and tried waiting, but only made it for about a week before calling Davin's pediatrician and requesting that he look at Davin personally. When we saw Davin's doctor, he didn't feel it was neurological, but sent us to be evaluated at Easter Seals. He also mentioned that if Easter Seals offered to have Davin evaluated by a neurologist, we should take them up on that offer.

Davin saw his first physical therapist when he was six months old. He was evaluated and given an appointment to see a neurologist at Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia.

On June 11, 1993, Davin saw the neurologist and my mother-in-law and I were told that, "Davin has cerebral palsy. Any questions?" It was a shock and I felt like his words crushed my perfect world. He also gave us a list of tests that needed to be done on Davin in the near future. There was no test to show that a child had cerebral palsy. There were only tests to show that he didn't have something else.

We drove home after my mother-in-law prayed and gave the situation and Davin to the Lord. I then had to go home and tell my husband and my other children what the doctor had said. It was a difficult day.

My husband, Alan, said something the day Davin was diagnosed that will always stay with me. He asked me if Davin was any different than he was yesterday. I replied no, but somehow everything felt different. Alan said that Davin was the same baby that he had been the day before, except they had given this disorder a name. He was right and that has become our family's approach to raising Davin and our other three children. Davin is our child. There are things that are different. I am not sure that anything is harder or more challenging, than our other kids, just different.

After Davin was diagnosed, he began receiving physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and eventually special education. Our time with those therapists that helped us through those first couple of years was so sweet. They provided much more than therapy. They were an emotional support and a source of knowledge, love, and acceptance for someone who isn't exactly like every other kid.

Over the years, Davin has made slow gains, but we are thrilled with each new development, no matter how small. He rolled over for the first time when he was 2 years old and had some success feeding himself for the first time much later.  In between, there have been many other things, like learning to pick something up, being able to hold a crayon in a certain way, and being able to right himself when he leans over in his wheelchair.

I have sat and held Davin while his entire body seized from a seizure disorder that he was diagnosed with at age 2, I have sat in the emergency room with Davin for 15 hours while doctors tried to determine if Davin had appendicitis or not. (It is very difficult to tell things like this because Davin is non-verbal.) I have sat in a therapy room in Mielno, Poland as Davin received intensive therapy and prayed for his body to respond. I have sat by Davin’s bedside in St. Christopher’s Children’s Hospital while Davin struggled to breathe following a hip surgery.  Were any of these things any harder than the things that I have been through with my other kids? Probably not. Just different.

When Davin was little, it sometimes pained me to look at other “typical” kids his age.  My heart hurt to see where he “should” be at a certain age.  I mourned the life that Davin would not have….the life I thought he should have.

God has done great things in my heart since then.  I have PROUDLY watched my son participate in bowling for the Special Olympics (and by participating, I really mean making sure that everyone was watching him), I have dropped him off at a dinner dance as my heart soared looking at my handsome boy in his shirt and tie and experiencing what his siblings have experienced.  Just last year, I dropped Davin off at camp for five whole days and nights and wondered how in the world someone else would take care of his needs.  They did and he survived and more surprisingly, I survived.  (The camp staff wasn’t so sure I would make it.) 

I can now celebrate Davin’s differences.  Or maybe I don’t celebrate the differences, I just celebrate Davin.  I love who he is.  I love what he teaches me every day.  I love his perseverance and the way he can convince most anyone to help with him do things even without speaking a word.  I love the way he adores his siblings and they adore him.  I love the impact he has had on the lives of those around us.  I just love him. He happens to have cerebral palsy.  That is all.  Nothing more and nothing less.  

My perception of “perfect” has changed so much since 1992.  I am thankful and I am blessed to be Davin’s Mom.  It has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Joy

I have always loved watching my kids do things.  If they were playing on a team or sitting on a bench on a team, I was there and I was watching them.  I love it.  I always said I like watching a Hester play anything. 

Davin is now practicing track and field for his special olympics team.  Yesterday was our first day to the track.  Every single time Davin was pushed for a race, my heart swelled.  Just swelled.  I KNOW that he is being pushed, so he is not actually doing any of the work to run in the race, but I see his face.  He is proud.  He is excited.  And tears well up in my eyes every single time.  Love it.

Being a Mom

I had big dreams.  I never even had time to take a lunch during my junior and senior years in high school.  I was too busy taking college prep classes and business classes so I would have skills to work my way through college.  It was important to me to have a good career so that I could be self-sufficient once I had a family.  I wasn't preparing myself for a divorce, but I wanted to make sure that I could take care of myself and my children.  I planned to major in business in college and then go on to law school.

Then, I found out I was pregnant with Ashleigh.  I graduated early and attended one semester at community college while the rest of my class finished up their senior year.

Everything. Changed.

Those dreams that I had seemed unimportant.  Even before she was born, I knew.  I knew what I was meant to do with my life.  I am not sure I can explain how I knew.  I just knew.

I can remember seeing a show where a bunch of teen moms were asked if they would do it all over again if given the chance for a do-over.  None of them would.  I would.  In a heartbeat.  I absolutely could not change having that girl in my life. 

Processing

So much on my mind lately.  Being a Mom to adult children has not been an easy transition for me.  I have always said I was a good mother of young children.  I am still figuring out so many things.  Lots of deep thinking going on in my head. 

Had a discouraging conversation with our case worker yesterday.  She said that we need to wait to proceed with the adoption until after we have moved.  NJ says that we will have to start all over again with the home study process.  So discouraged.  We are calling some other agencies (private ones) and seeking some advice and hope that we can be matched with our kids in the very near future.  Not sure what God has planned.  We feel so ready.  We know there is a need. 

Besides all of that serious stuff going on in my head, I really consider chocolate covered raisins to be a healthy snack.  Don't you? 

Vacuumitis

I have a couple of issues that come up from time to time.  I can get lost VERY easily.  My strategy when I am lost is to turn down any road that sounds familiar to me.  If I have ever at any time been on the road, my logic tells me that getting on that road will get me closer to home.   I would like to thank Rochester, NY for having a road system that works with my technique.  Unfortunately, Philadelphia, PA does not really work the same way.  

I also have a tiny issue with vacuums.  My Mom has probably had 2 or 3 vacuums and she has been married for almost 50 years.  I cannot count the number of vacuums I have owned.  I know there was a period of about 6 years where I got a new vacuum every single year.  I have had to borrow vacuums because mine was not working.  Alan has fixed each and every vacuum that I have owned many, many times before we finally break down and buy yet another vacuum.  Alan feels like I am the common denominator with the vacuum problems, but things happen.  For many years, I could try to blame it on one of my kids using the vacuum.  (Don't judge;-)  

I feel like I am unfairly judged concerning the vacuum situation in part due to a small incident that happened so very long ago and yet keeps getting brought up over and over again.  One day I had just picked my vacuum up from the repair shop.  (Yes, I have had my vacuums repaired by professionals several times, too.)  I was driving our Suburban and needed to drop the vacuum off at home and head out again with the kids.  Since I was in a hurry, I put the vacuum on our front lawn temporarily and started make a k-turn with the truck.  I forgot that the vacuum was in the way and I ran the vacuum over.  Oops.  I got out and looked at the smashed hose on my canister model and knew this was not going to be easy to explain to Alan.  Not only had he purchased me vacuum after vacuum after vacuum, but we had just paid quite a bit of money to get this one fixed.  

I believe one of my children was quick to let their Dad know what had happened.  (Aren't they so cute when they tattle on their mother?)  Anyway, that day has been pretty hard to live down.  

Yesterday my vacuum was not working, so my very patient husband fixed it for me.   I was pretty excited (I always am because it is so often broken) when I could use the vacuum again since I was doing a lot of deep cleaning.  I hated to even mention to Alan that when I began to use the vacuum, it wasn't picking anything up AGAIN.  

Alan started to take the vacuum apart and I could just see the look in his eyes.  I told him that I didn't want him saying anything to me about something being stuck in there.  (Okay, through the years, there may have been some strange things stuck in the hoses.)  I knew the familiar look in his eye and I just knew I had not sucked up anything odd.  

Alan held up the end of the hose and "someone" had sucked up a plastic knife, still in the plastic, from a fast food restaurant.  Of course, I was blamed immediately even though Alan had vacuumed the day before.  Next thing I knew, the whole "car running over the vacuum" incident came up, blah, blah, blah.  

By the way, if you have ever accidentally run over your vacuum, could you please leave me a comment?  Alan said if I can find one person who has done it, he will let that story go.  

The Biggest Sister's Perspective

The following is from Ashleigh.  She had just turned seven when Davin was born and was still seven when we learned that Davin had cerebral palsy.  She has held him while he was seizing, stood up for him, and taken care of the entire tribe when Alan and I would go out on dates.  It never seemed a burden to her to have a little brother who was maybe a little different than other little brothers. 

When Ashleigh writes of her and Bethany and Cheney's protective nature with Davin, it is no joke.  I won't go into detail, but there could have been an incident where a younger child was in some hot water with my bigger kids and we decided that from then on, we would drive them to school instead of them riding the bus;-)
 

Here are her words....

When my Mom asked me to write how it was growing up with a sibling who had special needs, I didn't know what I could possibly write. I remember when Davin was born, but I honestly don't remember my parents telling us that he had cerebral palsy or how I reacted. At that point it didn't matter. Davin was my brother and he would forever be that to me no matter what label was placed on him.

 My other siblings and I wanted Davin to be around us for everything and that's what we tried to do. If we thought Davin could do it with us, he was right there next to us. We would drag him downstairs to watch TV with us,we would put him in the laundry basket and push him around, we would lay him on the trampoline and fling him around. We treated him the same as we would any other sibling. We didn't baby him because that's just not how we roll in the Hester family.

 All 3 of us other siblings are very protective of Davin. We grew up hearing lots of different things when we went out and we all knew when that happened we would give “the look”. Davin is the youngest and is in a wheelchair, so we felt like we had to step up our game. I remember that we would all get so mad if anyone ever said anything about him or to him even if it was just a curious little child who had no idea. I would always think, "What kind of parents do they have where their parents have not taught them that God made us all different? And how rude and hurtful it can be to stare or point at people who don't look the same as you."

 Growing up, I felt bad for those kids because they didn't have a Davin in their lives. I never thought of it as a hardship being his sister, having to give him baths, feeding him when my parents were away or just laying in bed reading him a book. Davin was considered normal to us kids because that's what we grew up with. Everyone else looking in saw something different, but to us it was all we ever knew and we wouldn't have traded it for the world. Davin changed our family and our hearts without us even realizing it. All of us kids have a different relationship with each other and none of us are the same, but I believe because of Davin it brought us all closer together. We may all live in different states now, but we love each other and the bond that the four of us have will never be broken.

I'm Working On...

I have realized lately that I do a lot of "eye rolling".  Yup.  Eye rolling!!  So, this week, my goal has been to not roll my eyes.  So far, I think I have slipped once and also made some rather strange faces to keep myself from allowing my eyes to roll;-) 

Davin - An Insider's Look

The following is what my son, Cheney Alan, wrote.  Cheney is just 21 months older than Davin, so he knows nothing different than having a brother who has "a little problem" (a quote from 3 year-old Cheney:-).  He is also the brother who as a 4 or 5 year-old started carrying his little brother downstairs so they could watch cartoons on Saturday mornings.  He promised when he was little that when Davin was big, he would find him a wife and if he didn't, they would just live together like the Baldwin Sisters from The Waltons.  (Love that!)  He wondered if Davin was faking being disabled so he could get new toys.  (At that point, therapists were always bringing toys to the house to do Davin's PT and OT.)  As a teenager, his youth pastor watched Cheney scoop a crying Davin out of his chair in front of the other teens.  As a young adult, he came to Alan and I and asked that he be Davin's legal guardian if we cannot do it.  He always thought he knew what Davin was thinking and he probably did.  Davin can still convince his 21 year-old brother to sleep with him.  He just points to the pillow where Cheney is to lay his head.  I have walked in to see Cheney barely on the bed with a little brother tucked all the way under his armpit.  Lest you think he is perfect, he also tied a small Davin to the bed with a Batman rope Davin's first night in his big boy bed.  It seems that Davin was fine with it until his brother left the room leaving him dangling in between the ladder of the bunk bed. 

Cheney and Davin's relationship is probably the one that I mourned the most.  I knew what my sister and I had.  I knew what special relationship my two girls had.  My boys were born 21 months apart and I wanted that same kind of relationship for them.  God has shown me something much more beautiful than I had envisioned.  I had such limitations on relationships.  God didn't.  To say that my boys adore each other is an understatement. 

These are Cheney Boy's words...

Growing up with a disabled brother has allowed me the opportunity to see life from a different perspective.  He has given me traits that I would not normally have developed.  The ability to understand people without speech.  My brother does not speak but that does not in any way keep him from communicating.  My brother has taught me that sometimes you just need to enjoy the little things in life.  Like sitting on the couch with someone you love watching TV or even just looking outside the window.  From a very young age I've known the feeling of someone who depended upon me.  I have known compassion and understanding for people in different places than I am.  My brother has enabled me to have so much that I feel it is literally the least I could do to help him with whatever he needs for as long as he needs it.

From a Big Sister

I asked my older kids if they would write something about their journey as a sibling with a special needs brother.  Maybe you are at the beginning of your journey with your special needs blessing and can use some encouragement.  Is Davin's relationship with his siblings exactly as I always pictured it would be?  No.  Is it amazing?  Yes. 

This is from Bethany, one of the biggest blessings God ever gave me.....

 

When I think of Davin I think of his smile, I think of how he is the happiest, most endearing person I have ever met, how his smile lights up the room and draws people to him. When I see him I see someone who makes me laugh and loves to be a twirp. I don't notice Davin's wheelchair, or all of the differences that the world may see. When I look at Davin, I see my brother, I see one of my best friends, I see someone who I would do anything for. Growing up with a disabled brother changes the way that you look at people and the way you see life. Davin has given me a greater appreciation for my abilities, and also a greater appreciation for the little things. Davin has taught me to help stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves. He has given me a heart for people who may appear to be somehow different from what we consider normal. Growing up with a brother with a disability has been a true gift. While I may not have picked this life for my baby brother, God knew just what He was doing. He truly works all things together for good. I have watched Davin touch so many lives, in ways I would never be able to. Davin has been an inspiration not only to me, but to nearly everyone he comes in contact with. Of course there have been times where I wished he could run outside and play with me, or I wished that I could hear him talk to me, but then I think about the way he screams when I pretend to steal his yogurt, or how he will continue to yell and point to me when he wants to sit down on the floor with me, and I remember that I do hear him talk. It may not be the conventional way of communicating, but Davin has a unique way of talking to each member of our family. We all have a different connection and relationship with Davin and I wouldn't change mine for the world.

Check It Out

If you have never read Adeye's blog, you are missing something.  She has a heart for children, orphans and in particular orphans with special needs.  If you scroll down far enough, you might even recognize someone:-)

Bad Teenager:-)

I have come to realize some things as I have gotten older.  I am NOT the fun parent.  I never have been and I don't think I ever will be.  I have fun with my kids, but I am not generally the one to think of the crazy fun things to do.  That is Alan.  He is the fun parent. 

I am however FUNNY.  My kids know it because I TELL them!!!  (Just to be sure they know.) 

Yesterday I asked Davin if I was funnier than his Dad and he shook his head (repeatedly) NO!!  What??  Then, he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.  I again asked the question.  Maybe he did not realize what I was saying and thought I was asking if I was funner than Dad.  Nope.  Same response.  Complete with the laughter at the end.  Hmph!!!