I learned on Friday (when we filed the official paperwork for Davin's guardianship....hopefully;-) that in our county, we may not have to make a court appearance. The court may grant the order on paper and that may be it!! I think that would be a lot less traumatic if I didn't have to hear all of those words. I know I would rather Davin not to have to hear those words.
Also, because we were not able to file the complaint with the court until 2 weeks before Davin's birthday, there may be some things we need to do prior to his birthday to cover our decision making abilities until the order for guardianship can be granted.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Leaf Fun?
I had in my mind that I Davin really NEEDED to play in a leaf pile this year. I am not a big fan of raking (okay, I rarely ever rake up my leaves), so he had not played in the leaves for a long time. It was on my list of things to do for today:-) I began raking while Davin watched (after we paid our last respects to a bird that died flying into one of our windows:-( and the look on his face said, "Mom, this is lame". It really did! So, I am talking away and telling him that this is FUN, not LAME!
He was unsure when I went to plunk him into the leaf pile, but he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it until the part where Bethany covered him all up except for his face. He didn't love that. Good to know;-)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Could Be In Trouble
Alan and Bethany are both away. I am quite used to Alan being away, but he usually left me with a house full of noise and kids and busyness. This time, it is me and Davin and our dogs. It is quiet as can be and we don't like that so much.
With everyone else being gone, it is kind of nice to have Davin with me at night. I know I am probably getting myself into trouble. Davin especially loves it because he sleeps right in his Dad's spot on his Dad's pillows:-) He also likes it when I tell his Dad that he is sleeping in his spot. Alan reminded me I am probably making things harder for myself in the long run. But, he just looks so cute and sweet sleeping there and he sleeps SO good (amazingly enough) when he is in our bed.
I think I am in trouble and I will have no one else to blame but myself.
With everyone else being gone, it is kind of nice to have Davin with me at night. I know I am probably getting myself into trouble. Davin especially loves it because he sleeps right in his Dad's spot on his Dad's pillows:-) He also likes it when I tell his Dad that he is sleeping in his spot. Alan reminded me I am probably making things harder for myself in the long run. But, he just looks so cute and sweet sleeping there and he sleeps SO good (amazingly enough) when he is in our bed.
I think I am in trouble and I will have no one else to blame but myself.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
God's Grace Was There
First, I must clarify. There form yesterday said, "incapacitated individual", not "incompetent". Sorry about that.
Davin and I are back from our appointments. Davin saw two doctors today. One is our pediatrician and one is a senior doctor at the practice. I had myself prepared to say something to the doctors if they began saying things that were going to hurt Davin. I envisioned whether I would need to have Davin leave the room and wait for me in the waiting room.
Our doctor could not have been more compassionate. He did not say a lot about what a devastating thing this was for us, but you could see it in his face and in the things he did say and didn't say. He already knows Davin, so there was not much to talk about. We did talk about how the paragraph that I had written did not really define who Davin is. The doctor agreed with me that in this case, we needed to make him sound as bad as possible, but that Davin is the boy we know, not what is on that paper. He signed the forms for us and we were ready for the other doctor.
The next doctor we have maybe met one other time. He could not have been more caring and considerate in the way he dealt with us. I had been praying that God would let me "keep it together". Since I am not a regular crier;-), when I do cry, it tends to be something rather ugly where my words can not even be understood. I wanted to be in control and I did not want Davin to feel like this was a huge deal. The doctor never said a word that would make Davin feel badly. He asked what he could do to help us beside signing the form. He asked some questions about where Davin goes to school and how he communicates.
We left without one tear falling! God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. The same will be true for our court date.
Davin and I talked this morning about the purpose for the appointments today and the upcoming court date. I told him that when people turn 18, they are supposed to make all of their decisions by themselves, but sometimes people need a little help. We are asking the court to let Davin have a little help in making decisions. No biggie. It is okay to need some help.
Davin and I are back from our appointments. Davin saw two doctors today. One is our pediatrician and one is a senior doctor at the practice. I had myself prepared to say something to the doctors if they began saying things that were going to hurt Davin. I envisioned whether I would need to have Davin leave the room and wait for me in the waiting room.
Our doctor could not have been more compassionate. He did not say a lot about what a devastating thing this was for us, but you could see it in his face and in the things he did say and didn't say. He already knows Davin, so there was not much to talk about. We did talk about how the paragraph that I had written did not really define who Davin is. The doctor agreed with me that in this case, we needed to make him sound as bad as possible, but that Davin is the boy we know, not what is on that paper. He signed the forms for us and we were ready for the other doctor.
The next doctor we have maybe met one other time. He could not have been more caring and considerate in the way he dealt with us. I had been praying that God would let me "keep it together". Since I am not a regular crier;-), when I do cry, it tends to be something rather ugly where my words can not even be understood. I wanted to be in control and I did not want Davin to feel like this was a huge deal. The doctor never said a word that would make Davin feel badly. He asked what he could do to help us beside signing the form. He asked some questions about where Davin goes to school and how he communicates.
We left without one tear falling! God's grace is ALWAYS sufficient. The same will be true for our court date.
Davin and I talked this morning about the purpose for the appointments today and the upcoming court date. I told him that when people turn 18, they are supposed to make all of their decisions by themselves, but sometimes people need a little help. We are asking the court to let Davin have a little help in making decisions. No biggie. It is okay to need some help.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Words
Today I had to type some words at work that I did not necessarily like or agree with. The worst part is that they were about my own son. My brother-in-law/boss/attorney is getting ready to file the necessary paperwork for Alan and I to become Davin's legal guardian once he turns 18. (Otherwise, the state could step in and make decisions in his interest.) Davin will be 18 next month, so it needs to be done. The first step is to have our pediatrician sign a physician's affidavit. That is what I typed up today. Tomorrow Davin will go to the doctor. He will see his primary doctor and also one of the other doctors in the practice. It will last about an hour.
Today, I typed the words..."Davin Hester, an alleged incompetent individual". I didn't like those words. I also didn't like the words that I had to type describing what Davin can't do. I have always hated describing him that way. Can't we just talk about what he can do and what he is like? No, not for this. We just stick to the big facts. He is non-ambulatory, non-verbal, can not feed himself, wheelchair-bound and requires 24 hour a day care and his parents to make decisions for him. Does this sound like Davin to you? It doesn't sound like him to me, either. You know that Davin has his own ideas and likes to make the decisions around here:-) However, I understand the point and I realize we need to stick to the facts. I kept wanting to add things like...but he shows us clearly what he wants to do by finger pointing and eye gazing, but to write those things was not appropriate in this situation.
So, tomorrow I will take my son to the pediatrician, but it will not be a normal appointment. I am trusting that there will not be a whole lot said that will make Davin feel badly about himself. I will talk to Davin about what is going to happen (as I have been) in the morning and prepare him for what is ahead. Who will prepare me? This is hard.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sometimes I Am A Little Slow
Poor Davin. Maybe this is a reminder to slow down and take the time to figure out what Davin is saying to me. But, it is the morning and I am so busy. Our morning routine is planned out to the minute. No time at all for anything out of the ordinary. I get his first medicine, get his clothes, shoes and boots together, get breakfast ready, move the wheelchair where I need it at the end of the hallway, get Davin dressed, feed him and put his coat on. Done. Not a minute to spare.
Davin has been pointing at something in his closet from time to time for a VERY long time. A couple of times, I thought I knew what he wanted and got that out for later in the day. Several times, I was pretty sure he wanted to wear something specific (maybe after almost 18 years, he is tired of me picking out his clothes???), but after trying to find out what he wanted to wear, I quickly gave up because, did I mention that we have a very tight schedule in the mornings???
Today Alan and I went to a wedding and Bethany and Davin stayed home together. (We try to avoid the whole "babysitting" reference so we don't offend the boy with the razor stubble;-) When we came home, Davin had on a camouflage long sleeve Army fatigue shirt. The real kind like his Uncle Mike wears when he goes to the reserves. We had gotten it for Cheney when he was in a play in the fourth grade, I think. Apparently, when Bethany was getting Davin dressed, he was insistent that he needed something else. She tried and tried to figure out what it was and then she found it..... the shirt.... who knew?
She said that she picked the Army shirt up and Davin was beside himself. When we came home hours and hours later, he was proud as a peacock and just laughed and smiled as we talked about the shirt. Davin even laughed and laughed when I told him that I didn't know that was the shirt he had been wanting to wear for so long. Oye!
When Alan went to get Davin ready for his bath, he nearly had to cut the shirt off of him because it is very much on the small side:-) So, we will be on the hunt for some new fatigues for Davin since he obviously is very set on wearing them. Fortunately for Davin, he has an Uncle Mike who can probably hook him up with some.
Davin has been pointing at something in his closet from time to time for a VERY long time. A couple of times, I thought I knew what he wanted and got that out for later in the day. Several times, I was pretty sure he wanted to wear something specific (maybe after almost 18 years, he is tired of me picking out his clothes???), but after trying to find out what he wanted to wear, I quickly gave up because, did I mention that we have a very tight schedule in the mornings???
Today Alan and I went to a wedding and Bethany and Davin stayed home together. (We try to avoid the whole "babysitting" reference so we don't offend the boy with the razor stubble;-) When we came home, Davin had on a camouflage long sleeve Army fatigue shirt. The real kind like his Uncle Mike wears when he goes to the reserves. We had gotten it for Cheney when he was in a play in the fourth grade, I think. Apparently, when Bethany was getting Davin dressed, he was insistent that he needed something else. She tried and tried to figure out what it was and then she found it..... the shirt.... who knew?
She said that she picked the Army shirt up and Davin was beside himself. When we came home hours and hours later, he was proud as a peacock and just laughed and smiled as we talked about the shirt. Davin even laughed and laughed when I told him that I didn't know that was the shirt he had been wanting to wear for so long. Oye!
When Alan went to get Davin ready for his bath, he nearly had to cut the shirt off of him because it is very much on the small side:-) So, we will be on the hunt for some new fatigues for Davin since he obviously is very set on wearing them. Fortunately for Davin, he has an Uncle Mike who can probably hook him up with some.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
A Good Thing
I do not love the fact that Davin has a severe disability. I DO love the fact that at almost 18 years-old, he will still snuggle with his Mom:-) Priceless. Love that boy.
Saturday, October 02, 2010
The Correct Attire
About four months ago, my family got a gym membership. Two of my kids started going. They kept asking me and asking me when I was going to start going. I don't want you to think my kids were trying to be mean to me. They knew I had wanted to start going to the gym, but the summer was just not a good time for me to start that. When Davin started back to school a few weeks ago, I started at the gym. I have this adorable partner that goes with me. She is a blondie and rather tall;-) My goal is to go three times a week, but so far, I have only made it two times a week.
I do realize that I do not always look confident when I am doing something new. Sometimes I am laughing at the gym. No one else seems to be having fun. It is a pretty serious place. I always have to read the directions when I go to a new piece of equipment. I do try to read them quickly, though;-) I also realize I do not look like the rest of the people who are working out. Do any of the other people have the upper part of their body thrown over the top of the machine like they are hanging on for dear life? Not really. Do I notice anyone else's head bobbing wildly while they are working out? No. Do other people look like they are going to fall off of the stair climber thing? No. Thankfully the nice man who happened to be smiling when he walked by and looked at me, also got on one down the aisle and then I was able to see how I was supposed to be using it;-)
Hey, I am a beginner. The last time I worked out in a gym was in high school for softball. That has been a while. Give me time.
Today I was talking to Cheney about the gym. He is very proud of me that I have been going and we talked about how he will go with me when he comes home for Thanksgiving. I then told him how someone had asked me a question about his college when they saw me wearing my matching Wheaton College sweatpants and t-shirt. (and frankly I was feeling good!) Cheney asked me why in the world I would be wearing sweats to the gym??? I had no idea why I should not be wearing sweats. Sure, I have not seen a lot of people at the gym wearing sweats, but in 1984, we wore sweats when we worked out. I asked Chey what I was supposed to be wearing at the gym and he informed me (please everyone take note, lest you make a similar mistake) that most people wear some sort of "athletic shorts" to the gym. Well, who knew??
Tonight I emailed Cheney to let him know that my sweats are all washed and ready for me to wear them to the gym on Monday! I can't wait until he gets to go with me. I am really hoping he brings me home a Wheaton headband that I can wear to match:-)
I do realize that I do not always look confident when I am doing something new. Sometimes I am laughing at the gym. No one else seems to be having fun. It is a pretty serious place. I always have to read the directions when I go to a new piece of equipment. I do try to read them quickly, though;-) I also realize I do not look like the rest of the people who are working out. Do any of the other people have the upper part of their body thrown over the top of the machine like they are hanging on for dear life? Not really. Do I notice anyone else's head bobbing wildly while they are working out? No. Do other people look like they are going to fall off of the stair climber thing? No. Thankfully the nice man who happened to be smiling when he walked by and looked at me, also got on one down the aisle and then I was able to see how I was supposed to be using it;-)
Hey, I am a beginner. The last time I worked out in a gym was in high school for softball. That has been a while. Give me time.
Today I was talking to Cheney about the gym. He is very proud of me that I have been going and we talked about how he will go with me when he comes home for Thanksgiving. I then told him how someone had asked me a question about his college when they saw me wearing my matching Wheaton College sweatpants and t-shirt. (and frankly I was feeling good!) Cheney asked me why in the world I would be wearing sweats to the gym??? I had no idea why I should not be wearing sweats. Sure, I have not seen a lot of people at the gym wearing sweats, but in 1984, we wore sweats when we worked out. I asked Chey what I was supposed to be wearing at the gym and he informed me (please everyone take note, lest you make a similar mistake) that most people wear some sort of "athletic shorts" to the gym. Well, who knew??
Tonight I emailed Cheney to let him know that my sweats are all washed and ready for me to wear them to the gym on Monday! I can't wait until he gets to go with me. I am really hoping he brings me home a Wheaton headband that I can wear to match:-)
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