Monday, January 30, 2012

My Firstborn Boy

He is 21 today.  My baby Cheney Alan as we used to call him, and perhaps once in a while, I still do;-)  I loved every minute of watching him grow up - even the ones where I was tempted to close my eyes with all of his dare devil tricks.  Now he is a man.  He has plans and goals and has found some other woman to love (thankfully I love her, too:-). 

Happy Birthday Cheney Alan Scott!!  I am so proud of the man that you have become and can't wait to see what God continues to do in your life. 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

He is in the Detail Business

I love that God is a God of details.  He gave me such an uneasy feeling about the dentist and having to put Davin under sedation to have his teeth clean.  Yesterday my friend Pam (who happened to clean his teeth when we lived here 8 years ago) did an amazing job cleaning his teeth and the dentist was as wonderful as before also.  So, instead of driving 6 hours on Thursday, having Davin put under in a strange hospital on Friday and driving 6 more hours on Saturday...we drove 3 minutes from our apartment and took a little time while Davin got more and more comfortable and got the same results.  He has very clean and sparkly teeth now.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the whole thing. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Have to Do My Job

When I first wrote this, I was mad and that anger turned into self-righteousness.  So, I took this post down.  Now after a few days of praying and thinking, I think I can put it back up with my heart right.  I have also been convicted that I very often say things that I don't think through.  I do pray that it now comes across to readers in the right way.  I wanted to write about my job as Davin's mom.  I don't want to bash someone else.  By the way, the person who posted the quote, wrote me a very sweet note and I harbor no bad feelings at all toward that person. 
The quote read something like this...

"Playing for the Giants (or whatever team they were talking about.  I have no clue, really) is kind of like running in the Special Olympics.  Even if you win, you are still retarded."

I read that on facebook and my blood began to boil.  I am not easily offended.  I rarely say something in opposition to what someone else writes or thinks.  But, there are those times, when something just rises up within me and I feel led to speak, to remind, to stand up.  I felt that way.  I wrote a comment....

"I can't begin to tell you how offensive this is to me:-("

I wrote it and I panicked a bit.  Should I keep it there?  Was I stirring up trouble?  There were already quite a few likes on it and also some comments, "YES!" and "AMEN".  I also totally know that the individual who posted this picture and phrase was not intentionally trying to hurt me or my boy (and took it down immediately after seeing my comment, I think).  I know that.  I know some of the people who liked it and I know they were not trying to hurt me.  Maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe my job is not to be the police for all that is unjust concerning people who have mental or physical disabilities. 

I prayed and I pondered.  Maybe that IS my job.  Did I ask to be a Mom of a child with a severe disability?  No.  Did God ordain me to have Davin Bruce and created him exactly the way he is?  Yes!!  That IS my career.  That is my job.  That is my mission.  When I take Davin into the grocery store and he holds my list and we talk together, I am showing the world how "normal" people with disabilities are.  When I take my son into Kohl's and laugh while he tries to grab the bras, I am showing people how "very normal" teenagers are who happen to have disabilities.  People learn.  Maybe only a little, but the people around us are learning from him.  From me. 

Slavery seems pretty distant when I think about how long people in our country have known that that is not right.  Segregation, however, seems very recent.  If no one had said anything in opposition to slavery and then to segregation, would anything have changed?  I think I see it the same.  It is one or more people groups being declared to be lesser than by another people group.  Not. cool.  Not. right.  Not. true.  Just as we all know now that the color of your skin does not define your worth, I KNOW that the level of your intelligence does not define your worth.  We were created in the image of Christ.  THAT defines our worth. 

I think God called me to this as my career.  What is the name of this career?  Not sure.  Is it the best career ever?  Yup. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Just a Bad Feeling

Davin has had a lot of dental trauma.  We recently were referred to a new dentist who was going to look at him and see if they could give him a new front tooth one way or another.  Our referring dentist (who was a pediatric dentist specializing in special needs kids) told us that from now on, we would be the patient of the new dentist because they would be doing the work on Davin and that wouldn't be right to go there and then come back. 

Well, Davin and I went to his appointment at the new dentist and they didn't understand why we had waited to get the work done (because the last dentist told us to!) and didn't seem to understand what we needed from him.  I explained that Davin needed a dentist:-)  (He does have teeth after all, even if he is missing one.)  At the end of the visit, the dentist declared that Davin was very hesitant about being looked at by a dentist (I was shocked!  LOL) and that we should put him under anesthesia and go in and clean his teeth really good and take x-rays that way.  They called us and gave us an appointment for the end of January. 

I intended to go to this appointment.  Davin does need his teeth cleaned, but from my very first dealings with this new dentist, I didn't have a good feeling.  When Davin went into the waiting room, he was very uneasy and I was not impressed with the people there for some reason.  They were rude or anything.  Just a bad feeling.  Now I was going to let them put my child to sleep in a hospital that I did not know anything about.  The more I thought about calling to set up the pre-admission testing, the less comfortable I was with it. 

Finally today I decided we would find a new dentist and get his teeth cleaned with him wide awake just like we have been doing for his whole life.  No real reason.  Just a bad feeling.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Time Changes Things

When Davin was diagnosed, I was crushed.  I mean literally crushed.  It seemed like my whole entire world was altered forever.  Even when we don't mean to, as parents, we have an idea of what we want the future to be like.  In general, we want our kids to be the smartest, most kindest, and of course, most beautiful people ever.  I pictured the place that Davin would take as the little brother of our Hester clan.  I pictured him running around shortly after he turned one just like his siblings had done. 

When I first found out that Davin had CP, we thought it was mild and that he probably would walk.  That part of it was so important to me.  I even reached a compromise with God.  (Okay, he never agreed to it;-)  I told God that it was okay that Davin was going to do things slower, but I would like him to crawl by a certain time and walk by a certain time.  (I literally did this.)  I gave God extra time.  I felt like I was being fair. 

A friend of mine who knew her daughter would never walk, discussed with me about getting Davin a wheelchair.  I told her that Davin was expected to walk and that I would carry him around as long as I had to so that we would not have to have a wheelchair for him.  At that point, I saw the wheelchair as the enemy - the spoiler of my plans.  If I placed my baby boy in a wheelchair, I was giving up my dream.  I was giving up hope for him. 

This past Thursday, I met with Davin's teacher and therapists to get ready for his IEP meeting in March.  While we were talking about a lot of different aspects of Davin's life, I realized how much I have changed.  My heart has changed.  God has changed me and I have been blessed by allowing Him to do so. 

When I was crushed with the diagnosis, I could not see a fabulous life without walking and talking and Davin doing things for himself.  Almost 19 years later, I see so much more.  Instead of me deciding who Davin was going to be, God decided who he was going to be. 

We discussed what happens after high school for Davin.  Instead of mourning that my boy won't go to college, I can see so many possibilities for him.  As I shared with Davin's teachers some ideas that I have, they jumped on board.  I don't see Davin's limitations so much anymore, even though I know they are there.  I see his strengths.   I know that Davin can go into a day program that is run like his high school program and he can be very happy there.  But, Davin has huge strengths.  He is a people person.  His people skills without language are amazing.  If he goes to a day program, he is receiving and I know he is giving, too, but can he use his gifts elsewhere and give more?  Maybe.  It is exciting to think about.  Maybe God will use Davin and I in some kind of ministry.  Maybe we can give some awareness to churches that they don't have now.  Maybe Davin can be a greeter someplace and make connections there. 

I am so thankful that God changed my heart, but I am also forever grateful that He gave me time.  He knows I like baby steps and He loves me enough to change me just a little bit at a time.  Maybe he didn't agree to my compromise, but He has given me so much more.  Walking?  Not that big of a deal when you have a sweet toxic green wheelchair to ride around in:-)  Touching people's lives like my boy has done?  That is a big deal.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Today Alan and I went shopping to get Alan a pair of jeans.  He tried on several and as he came out and showed me one pair, I told him that the girls will really like them!!  After he walked back into the fitting room, I realized that what I said might sound a bit funny to the young men standing nearby me:-)  So, maybe next time, I need to say your daughters will really like them instead!!