Monday, February 04, 2008

Tears and Fears

Last night we were doing Davin's stretching during the Superbowl. Davin started screaming and crying and even after we were done stretching (the side he had surgery on) he cried and cried, shivered and quivered. We each took turns holding him and trying to comfort him until he was doing much better. He slept fine last night, but when I got him up this morning, anytime I touched or moved his left leg/hip, he screamed, cried and shivered. It was terrible. I continued to get him ready for school, thinking that the PT could look at him for me and tell me if he should be seen by the orthopedic surgeon. Davin is always happy to go to school, but the bumping just to get him on the bus had him crying again. He cried the whole time they were strapping his chair into the bus. Poor thing. I did not know what to do. Get him off the bus? Would he calm down? Would he get bumped at school? Had we hurt him seriously? I ended up letting him go so I could get his PT's opinion and then I called her. She encouraged me to call the doctor which I did and am still waiting for a call back. In the meantime, I am beside myself picturing Davin at school screaming with tears streaming down his cute face. So, I called school and talked to an aide in his class. She assured me that Davin was "all smiles" (I certainly had not been thus far today.) and that he was doing fine. So....we will wait for the doctor to call and prayerfully Davin was not hurt and he is just sore. It is the worst when you feel like you hurt your own child and it could have been avoided. It is something I have struggled with ever since Davin was diagnosed since CP is a brain injury. It is not something genetic that happens to the baby. It is an injury and since I was the one carrying him, it was very hard not to feel like I had not protected him. Oi, so I give him back to God. God knows and God loves Davin more than I even do.

9 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh, Heather, I don't know what to say. I hope you hear from the Dr. soon. Have you been doing the exercises all along? If you had, it seems odd that it would be something that you had done to him.

Keep us posted.I'll be praying.

Heather said...

Thanks, Michelle. We have been stretching him all along, but I usually do it and last night Alan did it for me. He is much stronger than me and I think just stretched him a bit too much. It does not hurt him when you don't move him, so I think that is a good sign that it is muscular. Also, this morning there was no bruising like there is when there is a pulled muscle, so that is good, too. I will keep you posted.

Bethany said...

Hmmm. I hope everything is okay. I think it's good news that he was fine while at school. We'll be checking back to see what your Dr. says! Love you guys!

Heather said...

No word from the doctor yet. I called three times.

Kim S in SC said...

Heather: Praying with you that Davin will come home from school all smiles. Sweet Heather. I pray that you will release that worry of you causing that CP. Who can understand why that happens sometimes during childbirth. I keep remembering the story about Davin I first read here on your blog and the sweet smile on his face. Still makes me smile. Praying for all of you. Praying that his healing will continue.

Christine said...

Heather, what a hard position to be in. Do I send him to school or not? I would be torn to. Just like you said, God loves our children even more than we do and we have to just trust that he will be there for our kids when we can't be.

Heather said...

Davin is home today and I never heard back from the doctor. I called yesterday and today. Davin seems a bit less sore today, so I think it is muscular.

Rachel said...

Hi Heather, I just read this post. I'm glad to know that Davin is feeling some better now. What an awful feeling, to have a hurting child and not know what the problem is. I can identify somewhat with your comment about feeling that you had not protected him well enough while carrying him...well the not protecting part. My oldest son has a mild case of Asberger's, and I often find myself trying to figure out why, and if it is because of something that I did. Anyway, like you said, "God loves them even more than we do", and he makes no mistakes.

Angie said...

Bless his heart. Bless your heart. Praying for your little guy. Yes, he's in God's faithful hands.