One Week Away

In a week, I will have one more boy under my roof:-)  I will spend the next week preparing his room, making adjustments in the apartment and getting things that he will need for the summer.  I am a firm believer that by doing these things, I encourage my kids to come home.  I want them to know that I miss them when they are not here and long for them to return!!  Let the countdown begin!  Maybe some girls will even show up next weekend to welcome their "little" brother home:-)

I Realize

I realize if I just had a regular ol' run of the mill kind of 18-year-old at my house right now, he probably would not have me read to him at bedtime.  He probably wouldn't fall asleep with his little face right next to mine while I was reading You Are Special by Max Lucado. 

I'll take it:-) 

"Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. 
                    "Because you're mine.  That's why you matter to me." "

Remembering...

I met Angie when our kids were at Easter Seals.  Davin had been receiving therapy services there for a couple of years and one day we found out that his class (that I attended with him) was going to get a new student.  A nurse came in and explained that a mom and her little girl were coming to our class and that they had been hurt before.  We were not told what the little girl's limitations were, but we wanted to be ready for them and of course, we were curious after having an announcement made in that way.  The next week, I met Angie.  She was late.  She was always late:-)  She got there about a half hour after we started and there was this little girl slung over her arm with this long brown hair flowing over to the side.  Angie was a young mom and we immediately hit it off. 

As we sat side by side in our little class for many weeks, Angie became a close friend of mine.  We got all of our kids together outside of Easter Seals.  She had two older children and I had three.  We developed traditions together.  Every time one of us would leave the other's house, we would drive over an egg or tomato and our kids thought this was a hoot. 

I got to know this little girl Francis.  Francis could not walk or talk or sit up or see or smile.  But..you never doubted for one minute that you should love Francis.  I watched how Angie took care of her baby girl and how she loved her and I knew that I should love Francis, too.  I learned how to hold Francis and where to place my arms around her head.  Angie left me in charge while she ran to the store and I begged Francis to be a good girl and not have any seizures while her Mommy was gone because I wasn't so good with seizures;-)  She obliged. 

Davin loved Francis.  Angie loved Davin.  I had a friend in this new world of disabilities and therapy and all that it brought with it. 

15 years ago, I got a phone call from Angie telling me that Francs had passed away.  She was 3 1/2.  I told Angie that I would be there the next day.  Our family packed up and headed to NJ.  As I drove to Angie's house, I cried.  I prayed.  I wondered what in the world I was going to say to my dear friend who had just lost her perfect, perfect baby girl.  When I arrived, Angie told me that I would be going with her over to the funeral home to view Francis' little body.  I wondered how in the world I could do that and yet felt so blessed that Angie would have me share such a private and excruciating moment with her and her family. 

So, 15 years ago, the day after Easter, we said goodbye to a little girl whose life on earth was short, but whose impact was so big.  I learned so much about worth from both Francis and from watching Angie's life.  I learned about unconditional love and gained just a little bit more understanding of how unconditional God's love is for me. 

Today I remember a little girl who walked into my world slung over her mom's arm. 

You Should Put Me in the Zoo

Yesterday, Bethany and I packed up Davin and headed for the Philadelphia Zoo.  We met Ashleigh there with the twins that she babysits.  We had a fun day!  It is always a good day when I get to spend time with my kids.  Even though one was missing, it was still a good day!

Davin was mostly interested in watching the baby girls, though.  One of the twins loved sitting with Davin and he thought that was pretty fantastic!  They are adorable and were such good girls.  I think the best part was getting to watch Ashleigh take care of them.  She does such an excellent job with them and I was so proud of her. 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow Davin will be having an MRI.  It will be the first time he will be sedated since his surgery and all of the respiratory problems that followed that time.  I KNOW it is different.  I KNOW that.  I do.  I know having a five hour major surgery and being put into a spika cast is a far cry from being sedated for an MRI.   Maybe I am still just a little bit nervous. 

Be still, my soul...He is.

Interesting Dinner Conversation

It is not just any restaurant that you can go into and talk (loudly) to a lady who has just come from the hospital after chopping the end of her finger off and also get the play by play from a man (also loudly) who just got released from the hospital days ago (Saturday to be exact) after a very serious hernia operation.  I can give you the size of his wound, the hospitals where each of them were seen and treated.  I can tell you the length of his stay in the hospital and even what time his surgery was.

While I was sitting trying to eat my dinner, but also engaging in conversation with my new friends, who at one point were almost in a competition for my attention and had my head swinging back and forth, I thought about how interesting it must be for any other patrons in the restaurant to have to listen to medical stories through dinner.  Thankfully there were only 2 other people sitting at tables for part of our conversation.  It is a tiny restaurant, though, and certainly if you were in there, you were part of the conversation.

Only in the Mills??  I doubt it.  People everywhere want to be heard.  They want to know that someone cares about what they have just been through.  I really was happy to listen, but would have preferred being entirely done with my dinner first as I am not a huge fan of medical stuff.

Oh, and our goodbyes....our gentleman friend came over to our table and wished us well while reiterating a few points made previously.  While he was standing there with our full attention, our new lady friend came up behind him and mouthed something with an annoyed look.  I am assuming she was annoyed that he was talking so much and had cut her off.  (Our gentleman friend had won the competition for my attention earlier.  I couldn't help it.  He was in the middle of a sentence when she started talking.)  Finally both of our new friends took their leave and surprisingly I could not eat another bite;-)

Ahhh.... French Fries

I cannot say how much I love french fries.  (Something I share with one of the readers of this blog and you know who you are;-)  It is probably the one food that I could eat every single day.  If I am going to go into a restaurant or go through a drive through and just get one thing, that is it.  Love them. 

Since becoming intentional with my eating, I have intentionally steered clear of french fries.  I went to McDonald's to meet a friend and got no french fries.  Just a fruit parfait:-)  I have gotten sandwiches and opted to not have fries. 

But today.....today I let myself have some.  They were good.  They were really good and you know what?  I think I appreciated having french fries even more because I don't usually eat them now.  For the first time maybe ever.....I left a whole bunch on my plate!! 

What is your absolute favorite food?  Good or bad??

A Little Trick

If you think my boy isn't a smart one, then you don't know him well.  For the last week, Davin has been asking to go to bed pretty stinkin early.  I figured out days ago that he wanted to go to bed to avoid exercises that we do at night.  Today he asked to go to bed at 4:58 pm, so I put him to bed:-)  I really do crack myself up sometimes.  I didn't make him stay in there for the night, but talked on and on about how he wanted to go to bed.  He hadn't even had dinner yet, but was very happy to lay in there in his bed even after I left the room.  What some boys will do to get out of exercises!

The Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday to the love of my life, Alan Scott.  I am so blessed to be on this journey with you.

Intentional (Take #2)

I am not a rigid schedule person, nor am I a huge fly-by-the-seat of my pants.  I rest pretty comfortably in the middle.  Since marriage and motherhood got off to a very early start for me and I went right from high school into my new life, I found myself always busy.  I never set huge goals for myself because I concentrated on figuring what needed to happen next. 

Since moving to NY is a temporary move with a specific amount of time, it caused me to think about this next year.  My life at this point is pretty quiet, and I knew moving here with just one kid in my house, no job and apartment living would free up lots and lots of time. I began to think about what I would do with it all.  So, unlike me, I made some bigger goals.  They are not all huge, but I spent quite a bit of time thinking about what I wanted this next year to look like.  I became intentional about this next year. 

One of my goals has been to get in shape.  I had really let things get out of control in this area of my life and besides the fact that I would like to feel good about the way I look and feel, I have someone counting on me being able to lift him and care for him for a long, long time.  I intentionally decided to make some changes in my life where fitness and eating was concerned.  So, intentionally, I start exercising every weekday as soon as I put Davin on the bus.  It has been six weeks now:-)  Along the way, I have picked up a ruggedly good-looking exercise partner (Alan) and two super cute new workout outfits.  Those were not intentional, but sure have encouraged me to continue on.  I have intentionally changed the way I eat.  You all know I was practically being force-fed wheat rolls and bread at my every turn, so I guess I decided to stop kicking and screaming and just join in:-)  I have intentionally cut my calories way down.  I think about what I am eating and intentionally look at labels and calories. 

I am being intentional about my devotions.  I have a time and a place for them and they almost always happen now.  Why has it taken me so long to get this under control?  I am being intentional about it now and it makes a huge difference!

I also had four scrapbooks to complete this year.  I intentionally completed my first project about a month ago and have three more to go.  I need to pick up the pace with this goal.  I need to intentionally have one day a week where that is my focus because I have the time and the energy to do that at this point.  Life will not always be this slow, but for now, God is giving me a rest and I am thankful.  I do miss the busyness of life, but I am so thankful for the rest knowing that He cares for me.

Oh yeah, there is one more rather big goal.....we have intentionally decided to expand our family.  After many years of feeling God tugging on our hearts to adopt, we feel very called that now is the time!!!  We specifically feel called to adopt a sibling group and are starting the process.  I will share more about this on my other blog Always Room for More, but we are so excited!!  Oh, and we are so scared!!!  I go in between quite frequently, but have such a peace knowing that this is the path we are to walk at this time. 

  "Wherever you are, be all there."  - Jim Elliot

I read this quote yesterday and just loved it.  I have found myself telling my children something similar in reguards to texting and answering their phones all the time.  I think they are missing out on the moments where they are.  Be where you are.  You are missing things around you by being so distracted by other things. 

I need this advice, too.  Worrying can take me out of the present.  I can miss out on so much.  I can be thinking about what needs to be done, what I am making for dinner, difficulties with my children, financial problems.  I can think that the grass is greener somewhere else. 

   "Wherever you are, be all there." 

Just an FYI

Just to let you know, that same boy who snuggled in with me yesterday and fell asleep on my lap.....well, later when he was feeling rested and we had some company....he firmly moved me out of the way as I sat next to him and was apparently in his way and he could not see his sister and her friend Jen:-)  Well, the moment I had with him earlier was just that....a moment;-)

A Moment

Davin was tired today and the house was quiet.  He asked to get out of his chair and onto the couch.  I ran around and did a few more things as he asked repeatedly.  Finally, I scooped him up and instead of putting him onto the couch, I sat him on my lap.  He melted onto me and I watched his big blue eyes close.  I sat there and thought how precious this time was.  I am still getting moments like this with my 18 year-old.  I smelled his hair and kissed his head and looked at his sweet face.  I found myself so thankful.  Thankful for the extra time to hold him close and let him fall asleep on my lap.  I was not able to be sad that Davin won't go to college next year (besides we all know he did not like college;-), that he isn't driving and that I am not running off to watch him play basketball.  I was just thankful for the sweet time with my boy.  I tried to start to imagine how things will be when Davin is 35 and my mind just would not let me go there.  Just like I could not begin to imagine Davin being 18, when he was a tiny little 6 year-old, God just doesn't let me go there.  For now, for today, I just rest in this moment.  I will snuggle with my boy and hold him close and enjoy him sleeping on me. 

The Tricky Part

I love my kids.  I have loved every stage and age they have been.  Different ages have different pluses and minuses.  Being a parent of young adult kids is a very tricky/challenging/amazing time.  You give advice when asked, but bite your tongue when not asked (okay, or at least try).  You are a BIG cheerleader!  It is so hard sometimes because I am an adult and they are adults.  Sometimes things are said that should not have been said.  Sometimes feelings are hurt.  When everyone is an adult, it is not always clear who is right and who is wrong.  When your children are young, it is so different. 

Wading our way through these years is such a blessing as we watch our kids strive to walk with their Savior.  It is also a hard, hard time trying to figure out our new, or not-so-new roles.